To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

[RichmondMumof2]

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

My bollock kicking foot is twitching again.

That’s disgusting.
Imagine a man saying that his fanny kicking foot is twitching.

I'm glad you're going to scale it back, OP. Don't overshadow what can be a wonderous time spending it separately. I'm sure your guests would be horrified if they thought that DH and DC were being turfed out in order for the easier prep of their meal. Hope you have a fun, relaxing day. 🎄

Ask him to put a Christmas movie on for some of the time.

The last thing I'd want to do is take kids out on my own (with no car) for 2.5 hours on Christmas morning. That really isn't what Christmas is about.

I'm not the calmest of cooks, but it's never occupied to me to want to get rid of my family on Christmas morning!
I second the idea of a festive visual barrier to stop the kids coming into the kitchen.

Get him to take them to the cinema Christmas eve and then a short walk Christmas Day. Prep everything the day before.

You're mental and just need to learn to be a better cook and prepare more in advance.

YANBU at all

If he can't keep them entertained and away from you, then he should take them out. They can go for a long walk, a scavenger hunt, to the local park, meet up with friends outside. But yes, he needs to step up or do the cooking himself while you take them out. Give him the choice, but don't do it all yourself. Make it clear if he doesn't, you won't be cooking. You're done with being the only adult in the house.

YABU but I can see why it's frustrating. Maybe he could take them out for a walk for 30/45 mins but 2.5 hours is too long - he doesn't drive and nowhere will be open. Maybe prepare some stuff the day before so that the turkey just needs bunged in the oven. Peeling a few spuds and veg won't take that long, basically buy stuff that will make your life easier, don't go overboard. No point in you and the kids being stressed. You want to enjoy these memories.

Could cook turkey and prep veg night before

There’s so much you can prepare ahead - have a look at The Batch Lady in YouTube. It’s just a roast dinner, doesn’t need your sole unrelenting activity for over 2 hours. Your DH will also want to enjoy the day! Stick the kids in front of a festive movie if they get annoying but I think you are being a bit of a drama Queen on this one

Not sure what your freezer space is like, but you can pre-prep things like roast potatoes, carrots and parsnips before the day. I par-roast those things several weeks before, freeze them, and then they only need 20 mins in a hot oven on Christmas Day. It's been a lifesaver!

Occupied? Thanks autocorrect. Occurred.

I’d ask change my request to him entertain him for the 2.5 hours.
He can go out if he wants, he can play inside, put some TV on whatever. But he has to ensure they are not coming to the kitchen with requests etc… and if there are any request, he is the one dealing with them.
Your answer should be ‘go and see daddy’.

Because whilst I can see that 2.5 hours outside is along time I really don’t agree with his attitude
they should be with me on Christmas Day.
because that just means ‘I am not going to look after those two children on Christmas day and be the one who is the killjoy’

Yeah, this shouldn't need to happen. 2.5 hours not allowed to be in your own home.

If dp told me that i would refuse.

And it doesn't mean I am opting out of parenting.

Infact, my exh used to cook to opt out. If I cooked he wouldn't look after the kids either.

If people think he is opting out, why wouldn't the op also be trying to opt out? Not that I think either of then are trying to do that.

Op, I think you have (in your head) blown up dinner for 7 into a much bigger deal than it needs to be.

I out the beef in, in the morning. Veg is prepped, the day before, and it goes on later. You need to balance having a nice meal with everyone having a nice day.

Christmas is for the children and you plan to spend most of it cooking and entertaining other people? You need to prioritize your dc's on this day.

Btw I don’t think it’s an issue with you not preparing things in advance.
You are the ine cooking. It’s up to you to decide how to want to organise things.
What is not in is him not wanting to step up and support you whilst you all the graft work.

Because the bottom line is that if you dint do it on Christmas Day, it will befire that, either during the day with the kids around (so you still have to deal with that) or you’ll have to forego your evening.
So my stance would be for him to support you whatever way you want to cook rather than you having to bend over backward so he has to do as little as possible.

YABU, sending them out with no car for 2 hours on Christmas Day is a daft request. Sounds like your husband should cook Christmas dinner if you are that bothered by cooking with your children around, or let someone else host maybe.

If the kids won't leave you alone, can your DH cook? I don't really understand why you have to do the whole meal by yourself tbh, he could help, you could both do a bit, then you'd have more time to spend with the kids.

What if it’s chucking it down?

I wouldn't go out for that long either.

Make the day easier - the day before is for prepping veg, roasting carrots and parsnip, make Yorkshire puddings, par boil and lightly roast potatoes etc. Get them all on foil trays ready for the next day. Nothing goes in the oven until the turkey comes out. Buy a heated food warmer.

@crimsonlake

Christmas is for the children and you plan to spend most of it cooking and entertaining other people? You need to prioritize your dc's on this day.

Ok so who is cooking then?

Or are you suggesting the OP should still organise it all, ensure everything is ready so there is minimal work to do on that morning, play with the dcs etc etc and her DH does???

The father is also allowed to spend his half a morning with his dcs and then the whole family spend he whole of the day together enjoying Christmas. Not hard.

Ha Ha! When she was cooking a roast my Mum would just say "out!" [of the kitchen]

The five of us knew better than to pester her when she was busy.

@Orchid876

If the kids won't leave you alone, can your DH cook? I don't really understand why you have to do the whole meal by yourself tbh, he could help, you could both do a bit, then you'd have more time to spend with the kids.

If the kids don’t leave the OP alone, can’t the DH actually look after them and entertain them so they don’t go and disturb her? You know like playing with them with the brand new toys they’ve just had for example.

2.5hrs in the cold (where is open?) on Christmas Day is unreasonable. Can’t you prepare the veg etc the night before when they are sleeping? 6 & 3 they could be entertained by dad with a movie etc for long enough so not to interrupt you.

45mins at the park would be the max I’d expect on a freezing cold day. Can’t he cook? Or play with their presents with them? Give them a bath with a new bath bomb or something then get them dressed for lunch? Watch a film?

They just need to be out of your way/kitchen.
Surely DH can do that - or is he a complete arsehole?