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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
Ohmych · 08/12/2021 18:16

I think it's too long to be out on Christmas Day in the cold walking around. What does he do when you're cooking? He needs to keep the kids occupied so they're not constantly interrupting you.

Justmuddlingalong · 08/12/2021 18:16

Could you delegate a course for your other guests to bring?

Notimeforaname · 08/12/2021 18:16

Yeah , what if its pissing raining??

Magicalwoodlands · 08/12/2021 18:18

I have some sympathy with this as on the odd occasion I ask DH to take DS out they are back within 40 minutes Hmm but two and a half hours is too long.

An hour though, definitely!

Blossom64265 · 08/12/2021 18:18

Also to speed things up, all your vegetables can be peeled and chopped in advance.

I take it a step further and pre-measure all my ingredients so on the day it’s like I’m on a cooking show and just have everything lined up and ready to toss in. This takes some serious organizing and labeling, but it makes things very mellow.

Notimeforaname · 08/12/2021 18:18

If there were family members to go for a couple of hours,fine.
And if the weather allowed for it, maybe a 20 minute walk. But 2.5 hours outside in the cold is ridiculous.

Datsandcogs · 08/12/2021 18:18

Prep the veg the day before. Then the Christmas meal is a case of timing and frequent trips to the kitchen, rather than a lot of work. I think having them out of the house for so long is unreasonable, however having the last 30 minutes uninterrupted is more realistic. Surely he could take them for a walk for half an hour or so?

NotAshamedToFancyTheGrinch · 08/12/2021 18:18

Do you enjoy cooking? To me, spending time with family at Christmas is more important than isolating myself in the kitchen for hours and hours.

BurbageBrook · 08/12/2021 18:18

2 and a half hours is a huge chunk of Christmas Day. Surely your kids want to play with their new presents and have fun at home, not to mention this being harsh in husband too.

BurbageBrook · 08/12/2021 18:18

*harsh on your

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2021 18:21

Yes yabu. You want your 3 and 6 year old to be out the house for 2 1/2 hours in winter on a day when nothing is open because you need to concentrate. That's utterly selfish.

What is not unreasonable is for him to keep the kids entertained in their own home whilst you cook if you can only manage to cook in silence.

I suspect the "you cook and I'll go out" is fairly disingenuous or else you have a relatives house you'd decant to.

It's important to know your limits. If you cannot manage to cook Christmas lunch without kicking your young children out for hours, don't invite people over / simplify it / agree to cook it between you

Kbyodjs · 08/12/2021 18:21

For 2 and a half hours? Not sure what he’d do in all honesty apart from a walk in the cold which is fairly miserable and I’d refuse to go. However it’s fair to expect him to entertain them; we have 2 young DC and my DH cooks Christmas lunch and I just keep them out of the kitchen

MotorwayDiva · 08/12/2021 18:22

Get everyone prepping veg the day before and put in water (my six year old has been help with peeling for two years with no issues)
Set the table after dinner the night before, again everyone helping
Choose a simple starter, eg soup and prep and in fridge.
That way you aren't spending all day in the kitchen and can enjoy it, becuase two hours outside in winter is brutal

KateyKontent · 08/12/2021 18:23

I don't think it's the least bit harsh on your DH to entertain the DC. If they can't visit someone then a quick walk to the park then playing games and watch a film would be doable.

One adult needs to make dinner and the other entertain the DC. Is he usually a useless lump?

Original poster
RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:24

Thanks all. It seems pretty unanimous and it's useful impartial feedback.

Some good suggestions about prepping. Will aim to do more of this.

Yeah, DH is really hands on and a wonderful dad but the kids seem to want mummy. I think our parenting styles are different. I am maybe more permissive and he is all about keeping them safe. Of course I care about their safety but am more existentialist.

OK, 2.5 hours certainly seems too much and I see that I should be prioritising their needs over the food.

OP posts:
pigcon1 · 08/12/2021 18:25

Go to church - go to tea after church. Go for a walk with a hot choc. Meet up with other parents who are also doing something similar.

I hear you OP

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 08/12/2021 18:26

Yabu. 2.5 hours out in the cold is a bit unfair. And cooking for 7 (5 adults) isn't hugely different to cooking for 2 adults or whatever. Just more of it!

However, you shouldn't be left to do all the work (unless you want to be). Loads can be done ahead of the big day

PicaK · 08/12/2021 18:26

Focus on the kids not the lunch. You have your priorities wrong. Pre prep veg the day before and cut back on Xmas day prep

RedwineforSantaplease · 08/12/2021 18:26

We normally go out for an hour or so to get some fresh air and burn some energy, but 2.5hours?! Are you using every room in the house while you're cooking. Surely they've got toys to play with or stick Muppets Christmas Carol on? Shut the door and tell him to keep them occupied.

TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting · 08/12/2021 18:26

YANBU

FFS

Yet another lazy selfish excuse repository of a male partner.

My bollock kicking foot is twitching again.

Xmassprout · 08/12/2021 18:27

Make him cook and you play with the children

Antsgomarching · 08/12/2021 18:27

Can they “help”. My 2yr old likes emptying the dishwasher, he can wash veg with the kids or get them to carry stuff to set the table etc. i think an hour out is reasonable, but 2.5hrs without the care would be a bit long.

itwasntaparty · 08/12/2021 18:28

It's 7 people for a roast dinner. Think it down. It really isn't a big deal.

DH always wants to go to the pub for a traditional pint at 12, that pisses me right off because kids aren't allowed in said pub.

I'd push back from 1pm too, nibbles and drinks - he has to deal with that- lunch at 3.

Oneforthemoneytwo · 08/12/2021 18:30

It’s really really not hard to cook a lunch for 7. You just need to do some prep beforehand and lay your table the day before.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/12/2021 18:30

@TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting

YANBU

FFS

Yet another lazy selfish excuse repository of a male partner.

My bollock kicking foot is twitching again.

OP has said he is hands on and a great dad. I don't know where you are getting that he is lazy from!