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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 19:19

@Fidgetty

Doesn't drive, won't cook, can't keep his DC out of your hair on Christmas Day - the easiest day of the year to entertain/distract DC and refuses your reasonable solution of going out for a while to let you get on with it? He sounds like a bit of a useless idiot to be honest OP. He should take them out for an hour, run the legs off them so they're tired and then put on a Christmas movie for them to chill. If the 3yo gets antsy he should get on the floor to play with their new toys with them. There should be no reason for them to come looking for you. My DC way prefer me too so I get it but their dad knows how to distract them when I need him to.
Did op say he won't cook?

And op has admitted they want her because she gives in all the time.

Do you think she is useless because she can't cook undisturbed? And can't stick to some basic rules for her kids?

Neither of then sound useless, imo, but it's amazing how people just make up things to have a go about a man.

BoredZelda · 09/12/2021 19:23

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

We aren’t all carrying the load. Christmas dinner in our house is a joint effort.

LouH1981 · 09/12/2021 19:23

Ah, that’s tricky. My children are the same age and always want to congregate in the kitchen. Cooking the Christmas dinner is very stressful especially when you are expecting visitors.
I do empathise but it is Christmas Day and I don’t think mine would want to go out.
Will they not be distracted with new toys? If not, could you get them a Christmas film from Santa to keep them occupied.
If not, crack open a bottle and roll with it xxx It’s your Christmas Day too xx

AnnieSnap · 09/12/2021 19:25

@BoredZelda

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

We aren’t all carrying the load. Christmas dinner in our house is a joint effort.

This ☝️ Doing the entire thing by yourself is ridiculous!
Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 09/12/2021 19:26

YABU I wouldn’t fancy my kids out in the freezing cold on Christmas Day with no hope of even a hot drink and cake to lessen the blow!
Ask him to play with them or let them watch a Christmas film together.

Pinksloth · 09/12/2021 19:28

Why should she get a grip? Why should she be expected to do the prep the day before? Why the hell are we still prepared to treat domestic incompetence in men as inevitable and acceptable whilst berating the perfectly reasonable expectation this woman has to be supported whilst making a lovely day for her family. Why should she not be allowed to have guests because her partner is too fecking lazy to distract HIS OWN fecking kids when they’ve just had a pile of new toys!!! AND SHE’S UNREASONABLE????

It's awful, isn't it, @Jewel52. Berating another woman for just wanting a bit of help, and expecting her to do it all otherwise she's being unreasonable. FFS.

Peaceloveandcrispsandwiches · 09/12/2021 19:29

YABU for using the word yomp. They're children not soldiers!

Chickychickydodah · 09/12/2021 19:30

Can you not prepare the night before when they are in bed?

Jmaho · 09/12/2021 19:31

It's bonkers on here today

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 19:31

Berating another woman for just wanting a bit of help, and expecting her to do it all otherwise she's being unreasonable. FFS.

Give over. Exactly which posters say op has to do it all alone and look after the kids.

There's loads of options between op having to do it all and banishing the rest of the family from the house. Which people have suggested.

Pinksloth · 09/12/2021 19:36

@Darkpheonix

Berating another woman for just wanting a bit of help, and expecting her to do it all otherwise she's being unreasonable. FFS.

Give over. Exactly which posters say op has to do it all alone and look after the kids.

There's loads of options between op having to do it all and banishing the rest of the family from the house. Which people have suggested.

All those people who say she should pre-prep, get a grip, get them just to lay the table. Those people.
Toomuch2019 · 09/12/2021 19:39

I’d lock the door-if you don’t have a lock on the kitchen put a door stop in while closed making it practically impossible to open from the other side. Then you can cook in peace while they are elsewhere in the house

EdgeOfTheSky · 09/12/2021 19:39

DH needs to be deployed in a different way, not let off the hook!

He can share the prep with you on Xmas Eve - during the afternoon, after the kids have gone to be / whenever.

All veg peeled and chopped, pigs / sausages prepared / stuffing prepared, everything!

Anything you can get in the freezer in advance, so so now. Cranberry sauce, red cabbage, cauli cheese, bread sauce, all in the freezer, defrost on Xmas eve.

On Xmas morning, after breakfast you spend time with the kids while he sets the table, then he plays with them...

Good luck!

SammyScrounge · 09/12/2021 19:43

@Justmuddlingalong

If he won't take them out, and I don't blame him, you need to emphasise that while you're prepping, the kids are his responsibility and should be hanging out with him for the duration. But...next year, I'd cut back on all the preparations and enjoy such a special day with the kids. You're missing out on family time by spending a the bulk of the day in the kitchen.
My Mum used to make the Christmas dinner so that we could we the children opening ther presents. All I had to do on Christmas Day was play with the children then get dressed up to go to Mum's. In return we made the NewYear's dinner while they entertained the children.
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 09/12/2021 19:45

Yabu.

And don't spend hours in the kitchen on Christmas day, I prepare everything the night before which the dcs help with, we sit at the table and do it all together...... all I do on Christmas day is heat it! Even my carrot and turnip mash will have a load of butter added and simply be heated on the hob. Christmas day is our day too.

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 19:46

All those people who say she should pre-prep, get a grip, get them just to lay the table. Those people.

Not one of them said she must do it all, herself.

Op has made it clear she is refusing to not 'carry the load' of Christmas Dinner herself. She has caused the issue of the kids wanting her. Its martyr behaviour.

And telling someone to get a grip isn't saying 'you must do it all'

silverbubbles · 09/12/2021 19:48

why don't you get more organised and both get some of jobs done in advance of xmas day ?

Lay table the night before.
Get all chopping done night before.
parboil potatoes night before
make some stuff in advance and freeze
puddings night before.

Bouledeneige · 09/12/2021 19:53

I don't really see what the problem is. He just needs to divert their attention whether at the house or taking them out. But I think expecting him to take them out for 2.5 hours is a bit much!

I've done Christmas dinner fir 14 every other year for years on my own - no DH to help - and my kids learned I need space to do the cooking. You just need to be firm.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 09/12/2021 19:57

I think you may have lost sight of what Christmas Day is about.

MaybeSomeDay7 · 09/12/2021 20:02

Not being unreasonable at all. I'm really shocked at the amount of people out here who seem to think it's unacceptable to take kids out for a few hours in the cold but perfectly OK for you to stretch yourself so thin. Everyone's focus seems to be on how you're somehow failing by not being superwoman. Cooking dinner for 7 - awesome, and for a neighbour. My focus is on why is your husband not able to 'prep' a feast for the kids the day before, get a windbreak or little tent, build a fire with them somewhere, and just entertain, make memories with them, even make the Christmas outdoor challenge into a yearly adventure. I mean yes, if there are weather warnings, they can stay in, but they're his children and his responsibility, either he cooks and you entertain or vice versa!

AnnieSnap · 09/12/2021 20:06

@Pinksloth

Why should she get a grip? Why should she be expected to do the prep the day before? Why the hell are we still prepared to treat domestic incompetence in men as inevitable and acceptable whilst berating the perfectly reasonable expectation this woman has to be supported whilst making a lovely day for her family. Why should she not be allowed to have guests because her partner is too fecking lazy to distract HIS OWN fecking kids when they’ve just had a pile of new toys!!! AND SHE’S UNREASONABLE????

It's awful, isn't it, @Jewel52. Berating another woman for just wanting a bit of help, and expecting her to do it all otherwise she's being unreasonable. FFS.

It seems to be the OP who expects her to do everything herself!
santabetterwashhishands · 09/12/2021 20:10

Your being unreasonable!
It's freezing cold and too long. He needs to entertain them with their new toys though

Pinksloth · 09/12/2021 20:12

@Darkpheonix

All those people who say she should pre-prep, get a grip, get them just to lay the table. Those people.

Not one of them said she must do it all, herself.

Op has made it clear she is refusing to not 'carry the load' of Christmas Dinner herself. She has caused the issue of the kids wanting her. Its martyr behaviour.

And telling someone to get a grip isn't saying 'you must do it all'

They didn't use those exact words no but many of them suggested she pre-prep without mentioning anyone helping. And telling someone to get a grip is clearly rude and putting the blame on that person, which is the point of it.

But you're determined not to see it, so fill your boots.

Newbabynewhouse · 09/12/2021 20:14

Make him cook and you play with the kid's...or "ok then sandwiches it is!"

Pinksloth · 09/12/2021 20:15

It seems to be the OP who expects her to do everything herself! apart from the people who suggested it on the thread you mean?

Oh and did you see the post where the OP suggested the DH might want to do it while she entertained the children: he could pre-prep or buy in from Marks, obvs. Except he didn't like that idea.

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