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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
Notmrsfitz · 09/12/2021 20:15

I think you’re reasonable for wanting him to take charge of the children whilst you cook and obviously weather permitting this could involve going to a park/ long walk or just a bit of a game of football.
2 and a half hours is a long time to be banished for - but I do understand your need to cook in peace - I’ve been there with 3 sons a drunk dad and a deaf grandad demanding mugs of tea on Christmas Day.

Harrysmummy246 · 09/12/2021 20:19

HRTFT (yet, might for a giggle) but
set the table please children and mummy will have a minute with you to play
Half an hour walk (we have dogs so that happens anyway)
Prep. More prep prior. Does it all, really, have to be so bloody complicated. Must it be a proper steaming of a pud when a microwave does perfectly well?
Square babysitter.

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 20:19

They didn't use those exact words no but many of them suggested she pre-prep without mentioning anyone helping. And telling someone to get a grip is clearly rude and putting the blame on that person, which is the point of it.

So they didn't say that, then.

You think get a grip is rude. That completely different to people saying f "op do it all yourself with no help from anyone else".

Its a roast for 7. Would you really feel the same if the dh demanded op and the kids left the house for 2.5 hours, on Christmas day, while he cooked in peace? Especially, when the train the kids want him is his own fault because he always gives in when she tries to set boundaries.

I very much doubt it.

SGChome20 · 09/12/2021 20:19

Will the kids not sit and watch a movie for an hour or so?

Dnaltocs · 09/12/2021 20:28

You are being unreasonable. Enjoy the children. You are their mummy. They are not an inconvenience, but most important people in your world.

Prepare most in advance. Of course you want a decent meal, but the family want their Mummy.
Who’s taking priority. If it’s too much for you, don’t offer to have guests next year.
Look at what you have and feel blessed.

GrannytoaUnicorn · 09/12/2021 20:29

YABU to turf out a 3yr old little child on a freezing Christmas morning when all they want to do is play with their new colourful, shiny toys which Santa just brought. Probably the first time they've understood & been excited for Christmas too! 🎅🏻 With respect, don't be so selfish. Christmas is all about families, not getting rid of yours so you can have a nice time on your own

GrannytoaUnicorn · 09/12/2021 20:30

@TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting

YANBU

FFS

Yet another lazy selfish excuse repository of a male partner.

My bollock kicking foot is twitching again.

AngryAngryAngry Wow
RealBecca · 09/12/2021 20:32

Just down tools at every interruption and let lunch be late. Let him see the impact.

Frazzledstar1 · 09/12/2021 20:38

Even when we don’t have guests we prep as much as possible day before. Literally just want to bung it all in on the day lol.

Devora13 · 09/12/2021 20:41

You're not a single parent, but are taking on a lot despite having two young children. Yes, maybe being out for 2 1/2 hours is a unrealistic, but either your OH keeps them entertained while you're cooking (unless it's generally expected in your family that a parent looking after their own children for 2 1/2 hours at a time is unreasonable, which I doubt), or you share the work between you, with him doing all the preparation (I like the cooking but that's the bit I get bored with).
You are asking a lot of yourself though, and unless your OH is willing to compromise, maybe you need to lower your standards. Could you ask your guests to prepare some of the meal and bring it along for you to finish off? Sauces, veg dishes, pigs in blankets, stuffing etc?

AnnieSnap · 09/12/2021 20:45

@Pinksloth

It seems to be the OP who expects her to do everything herself! apart from the people who suggested it on the thread you mean?

Oh and did you see the post where the OP suggested the DH might want to do it while she entertained the children: he could pre-prep or buy in from Marks, obvs. Except he didn't like that idea.

It should just be tough shit that he doesn’t like it. The OP is indulging him. In doing so, she is making a choice!
Fidgetty · 09/12/2021 20:51

Did op say he won't cook?

Yes she did. So you can climb down from your high horse now...

Gilld69 · 09/12/2021 20:51

we do all the prep the night before cook the meat first thing then it's just a matter of keeping an eye on the pans and putting the roasties in, while dinners cooking we all watch a film or play a game or two, hubby is the cook fortunately

PC7102 · 09/12/2021 20:53

Get your husband to cook lunch if your kids prefer to be around you!

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 20:56

@Fidgetty

Did op say he won't cook?

Yes she did. So you can climb down from your high horse now...

Can you point out where? Because I can't find it.

I can find op saying One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

Note the use of 'we' and the fact that op says she enjoys doing it.

Genuinely can't find where it says he refuses to share responsibility for the food.

neveradullmoment99 · 09/12/2021 20:59

@Thatsplentyjack

Also, they are 6 and 3, they don't need entertaining every minute of the day. They should be able to amuse themselves for a couple of hours with him supervising.
This. Surely they will have xmas presents to keep them entertained? Why the hell can't your dp play and help them set things up if they have new things that need batteries etc. I agree with everyone else. Taking them out for a simple short walk, fine. Helps them to burn a bit of energy. For 2 and a half hours in potential rain and cold. Nope. On the other hand, your dp has to be the one to entertain them and certainly not you since you are doing the cooking.
getsanta · 09/12/2021 21:01

Nothing the OP has said suggests the DH is useless in any way. Either at helping to cook or otherwise. I think she just can't handle it if her children want her attention.

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 21:04

@getsanta

Nothing the OP has said suggests the DH is useless in any way. Either at helping to cook or otherwise. I think she just can't handle it if her children want her attention.
Apparently there is a post where he refused to help prep or get the food ready prepped from m&s.

But I can't find it. Not sure if op name changed in the middle. Or people are confused.

Fidgetty · 09/12/2021 21:04

Can you point out where? Because I can't find it.

"I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly."

Her first post.

EveningOverRooftops · 09/12/2021 21:05

He takes them to the park for a run around - seriously it’s only 7-10 days prior they’d be out in the school playground. Then come back and they watch a movie until dinner is ready.

With my DC we’ve always done a Christmas Day run around the park before dinner is ready with hot chocolate when we get back.

It ain’t too bloody cold and many kids get outdoor toys like bikes for Xmas and want to use them.

Op maybe you could get something outdoorsy for them for Xmas so they want to nag dad to go out?

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 21:10

@Fidgetty

Can you point out where? Because I can't find it.

"I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly."

Her first post.

No she says he doesn't want her to take the kids out while he cooks.

He doesn't want to do the whole uninterrupted 2.5 hours cooking for the meal.

I wouldn't either. Nor would I want my kids forced out with anyone.

Nor does it say he refuses to help prep leading up to the day. Those are 2 different things.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/12/2021 21:27

Tell him there will be no lunch if this doesn't happen and mean it. He is being terminally lazy.

CoconutQueen · 09/12/2021 21:31

I've only read the initial post but

FFS get a grip. Everyone cooks a christmas dinner with small children under their feet and other miscellaneous people around. That's part of the fun. What on earth are you thinking of, turfing your own family outside for hours on end on Christmas Day?? Confused

There is loads of and loads that can be done the day before ie peeling, chopping, laying table, etc etc

Get. A. Grip.

Phrowzunn · 09/12/2021 21:33

Oh my God the OP graciously accepted that she was being unreasonable 24 hours and 10 PAGES ago, yet you are all still rabbiting on 😂😂😂

Forsure69 · 09/12/2021 21:36

Your piroities are wrong. It's Christmas day, find a better way to manage your day or just play with your kids, split your time etc. Your kids and hubby shouldn't have to be put out of their home