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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/12/2021 18:29

@Goldbar

Going against the grain but I think 2.5 hours is OK so long as it's not a blizzard or heavy rain. Not around the local park maybe, but can't he drive somewhere which is a bit more exciting and they can go for a walk in the woods and (I can sense I might get flattened for this Grin) take a flask of hot chocolate/coffee with them.

It sort of depends on what you have nearby. We have a great woodland play area with a Christmas trail, climbing trees and other stuff nearby and I would absolutely expect my DH to be able to kill an hour or two with my DC there. The small playground round the corner...probably not!

Think how much calmer the kids will be in the afternoon if he wears them out all morning.

You won’t get flamed for suggesting it, but you will get flamed for not being arsed to even read the op properly where she clearly states he can’t drive,🤪
Mulhollandmagoo · 09/12/2021 18:29

I agree with others that taking them out for 2.5hrs Christmas day is a bit much, but surely he is capable of keeping them entertained and out of the kitchen for a couple of hours?? Does he honestly let them in a kitchen where ovens are in and water is being boiled etc 'because they want mummy' he's rubbish if so!

jentinquarantino20 · 09/12/2021 18:29

I don’t have an OH but even if I did I wouldn’t send my children out. It’s family time more than ever.

Teresainwirral · 09/12/2021 18:33

We've always followed the Delia Smith timed plan in her Christmas book, preparing most of it the day before. Started using it when I was pregnant with my first, have three DC. And excellent for DH to follow and help.

arcticocean · 09/12/2021 18:34

Yabu. Enjoy cooking Sunday Roasts throughout the year, but for this one day, if it is too much pressure just go to M&S and take the pressure off everyone.

Pinksloth · 09/12/2021 18:35

Can't believe all these answers saying he can't take children to the park for a while and then entertain them for a bit while the other person does all the cooking. Oh, because it's a MAN, it's too much for him to manage his own children. The woman has to play with the children, and deal with the hot fat etc, just because all the other women do that. God, things will never change, will they?

Chikapu · 09/12/2021 18:37

Are we in the 1850s, or is it just you? Clearly op should be making an amazing meal and putting her husband/kids first - what am I thinking

It's Christmas, everything is closed, it'll be freezing. They shouldn't have to leave the comfort of home for two and a half hours while someone farts around with a dead bird.

shrunkenhead · 09/12/2021 18:37

Surely he could meet up with the inlaws at a local pub with the kids for an hour or two. That's what my dad always did with us so mum could crack on with dinner prep. Kids love meeting up with their cousins, mad for frootshoots etc return home to mum off her tits on sherry and dinner on table. everyone a winner, baby!

CherryBlossomAutumn · 09/12/2021 18:37

It’s because its 2.5 hours in the freezing cold!

Bit cruel really.

Up to one hour… fine. But even so. Kids walking about? They hate walking at the best of times and only 3 and 6… !

CherryBlossomAutumn · 09/12/2021 18:39

@shrunkenhead

Surely he could meet up with the inlaws at a local pub with the kids for an hour or two. That's what my dad always did with us so mum could crack on with dinner prep. Kids love meeting up with their cousins, mad for frootshoots etc return home to mum off her tits on sherry and dinner on table. everyone a winner, baby!
Poor kids, they are only 3 and 6, why would they want to hang around a pub? Bored out of their little minds.

These threads make me despair.

It’s middle class peak silliness!

Just let the kids watch TV ffs

Pinksloth · 09/12/2021 18:43

@CherryBlossomAutumn

It’s because its 2.5 hours in the freezing cold!

Bit cruel really.

Up to one hour… fine. But even so. Kids walking about? They hate walking at the best of times and only 3 and 6… !

Speak for yourself. My kids have been out walking on Christmas Day every year for years. The park is lovely. We have the Santa fun run, there's tons of people out with their dogs. It's not always freezing on Christmas Day and my children could easily walk for an hour at that age.

Then they could come back to the house and watch a film or play with their toys, supervised by dad for the rest of the time. Why is that so difficult or make less sense than having to supervise kids and cook Christmas Dinner while another adult is in the house?

aSofaNearYou · 09/12/2021 18:45

*Speak for yourself. My kids have been out walking on Christmas Day every year for years. The park is lovely. We have the Santa fun run, there's tons of people out with their dogs. It's not always freezing on Christmas Day and my children could easily walk for an hour at that age.

Then they could come back to the house and watch a film or play with their toys, supervised by dad for the rest of the time. Why is that so difficult or make less sense than having to supervise kids and cook Christmas Dinner while another adult is in the house?*

I don't think many think that an hour would be totally unreasonable, just that 2.5 hours is stretching it a bit, especially if the kids aren't particularly into it.

Dillydollydingdong · 09/12/2021 18:49

Prep the night before (and get dh to prep/peel the potatoes, carrots, sprouts etc). And has no one told you you can microwave the pudding now?

CherryBlossomAutumn · 09/12/2021 18:49

@Pinksloth it’s obviously normal for you and your family, but even you say ‘for an hour’. Really, a 3 year old walking for 2.5 hours?

Overthinkingx3 · 09/12/2021 18:52

I had a mum who loved to cook and entertain… I just wanted a mum. I am sure good food is appreciated but it doesn’t make it more special.

Hope you all find a way to enjoy your day - and some of it together in ways that work. My husband loves to do this - cook , amd I keep the children busy. But I think he cooks big meals because it keeps him away from the sprogs. A turkey doesn’t want to do messy paint and glitter, sprouts don’t song baby shark , amd Christmas puddings don’t beg for iPads … I understand why he does what he does - but I also think it’s sad that he hides in the kitchen. I don’t know why he does it - he really is missing out - but he gets anxious and overwhelmed so it js his coping strategy . Sometimes He is happy to take them for a bike ride or swing park and a bit of football - so they get their daddy fix, but families aren’t easy

Plunger · 09/12/2021 18:53

Have the children scooters or bikes? Husband could easily takes the out for a short time. My son takes 4 out by himself on scooters/bikes so it can be done. If desperate put a film on TV. Zog, Room on th Broom, Gruffalo, Elf ?

Pinksloth · 09/12/2021 18:56

[quote CherryBlossomAutumn]@Pinksloth it’s obviously normal for you and your family, but even you say ‘for an hour’. Really, a 3 year old walking for 2.5 hours?[/quote]
It is, yes.

An hour, yes but I also said that the DH should look after the children for the rest of the time, too. Unlike many of the posters on here, who seem to think it's unreasonable for children to go out at all on Christmas Day, and that the mother should cook the dinner, AND look after the children, which seem nonsensical to me when there's another adult in the house.

Mandyjack · 09/12/2021 18:56

Just get him to play with their presents with them, if you keep doing it they will keep asking you. Tell them that Daddy is going to play till after dinner. You've got 2 kids with a load of new toys they should be able to entertain themselves to a degree. Or put a disney film on the tv

Dogmummy1980 · 09/12/2021 18:58

OP I’m completely on your side with this one!!!! I for one HATE making Christmas dinner - don’t get me wrong, I’m more than capable of doing it BUT given I make tea for all of us - 6 in our house - every single day of the year I’ve dug my heels in this year and we are getting a takeaway!!

I’ve honestly never looked forward to Christmas Day as much!!

I’d recommend doing as much prep as possible a day or so before Christmas Day and perhaps reduce down how much you are making. I always found the ready made trays of potatoes/veg in M&S and Sainsburys were a godsend - simply shove in the oven then bin the tray afterwards - voila lots of your prep done!

Hope you have a good one OP!

Fidgetty · 09/12/2021 18:58

Doesn't drive, won't cook, can't keep his DC out of your hair on Christmas Day - the easiest day of the year to entertain/distract DC and refuses your reasonable solution of going out for a while to let you get on with it? He sounds like a bit of a useless idiot to be honest OP. He should take them out for an hour, run the legs off them so they're tired and then put on a Christmas movie for them to chill. If the 3yo gets antsy he should get on the floor to play with their new toys with them. There should be no reason for them to come looking for you. My DC way prefer me too so I get it but their dad knows how to distract them when I need him to.

JamesWilbysAbs · 09/12/2021 19:00

I wouldn't take my kids out for 2 and a half hours on Christmas morning. Absolutely no way. A (6 and) 3 year old out in the cold with nowhere open- probably at some crummy local park they've been to a million times before.
I bet they're not even that keen on the full works dinner.... Yeah Happy Christmas kids.
They should stay at home and play with their presents with their dad; watch some TV and run happily in and out of the kitchen whilst you have a large glass of fizz.
Who invited the guests? -have you brought this stress on yourself? Buy ready made and prepare in advance wherever possible. Don't be a martyr to some formal production which your kids won't even care much about.

Rachand23 · 09/12/2021 19:02

Your only cooking for 7! Get a grip girl! Prep the night before. Get DH and dc to prepare the table, that will keep them busy. Chill and enjoy! The kids will be stroppy teens in a blink of an eye stop trying to get rid of them. 2.5 hrs walking - something you do often in mid winter then? ,

TatianaBis · 09/12/2021 19:12

2 hours is too long but there’s no reason he can’t take them out for 30 mins and entertain them for the next hour and a half, keeping them out of the kitchen.

Other than that you should work on your Christmas meal schedule - I pre-prep everything so that on Christmas Day itself I only have to make the stuffing and stuff the bird, then shove everything in at right times.

winniemum · 09/12/2021 19:13

I think this is the most unreasonable thing I’ve ever heard.
How would you like to stand outside in the freezing cold supervising kids who would rather be inside playing with their presents?
Would you have been happy as a child to be taken out for that long away from your mum and all the excitement.
Your poor DH and poor kids.
Part of Christmas is the madness of it all and everyone helping out.

Jewel52 · 09/12/2021 19:18

@Rachand23

Your only cooking for 7! Get a grip girl! Prep the night before. Get DH and dc to prepare the table, that will keep them busy. Chill and enjoy! The kids will be stroppy teens in a blink of an eye stop trying to get rid of them. 2.5 hrs walking - something you do often in mid winter then? ,
Why should she get a grip? Why should she be expected to do the prep the day before? Why the hell are we still prepared to treat domestic incompetence in men as inevitable and acceptable whilst berating the perfectly reasonable expectation this woman has to be supported whilst making a lovely day for her family. Why should she not be allowed to have guests because her partner is too fecking lazy to distract HIS OWN fecking kids when they’ve just had a pile of new toys!!! AND SHE’S UNREASONABLE????