To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

[RichmondMumof2]

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

Never understood the "it takes ages to prep Christmas dinner" mindset. Frozen veg, frozen roast potatoes, ready made pigs in blankets, job done. As for expecting young children to be out of the house for 2.5 hours on Christmas day whilst you just make more work for yourself is ridiculous IMO.

You are definitely being unreasonable. It's Christmas day, do what you can the night before, you could get them to "help" by drawing name cards for the table to keep them out of your way for a little while. It's not like you're cooking for loads of people, 7 really isn't that many.

@getsanta

Way to long on Christmas Day. What are they meant to do? Would you be happy if he took them to the pub, which will be about the only thing open,

DH always used to take DC, DM and visitors to the pub - main problem was always getting them back on time! Nowhere else to go it it's cold, probably better for everyone to stay at home and be entertained there if you don't like the idea of the pub.

I’m guessing that you feel that as it yr brother& sil coming that you should cook. But someone would still have to even if it were just the 4of you.
I think your husband is getting out of contributing to the prep of dinner and should therefore be entertaining the kids, or you join forces and plan to both prep veg etc on Christmas Eve after the kids are in bed, so that it doesn’t take so long on the day. You could both then it in turns to do the cooking/ childcare? Ie; He does the first hour of cooking and you the last bit? A quick jaunt out is a good idea but not for very long in this chilly end of the year.
I prefer to spread the load out over days so that I can enjoy some down time from the kitchen.

An hour maybe... but 2.5?!!! Way too much. It's cold, nowhere is open... what do you reasonably expect them to do for that long??!

At 3 and 6 you should definitely be able to tell your kids that mummy is busy and you have to show your daddy your new toys and play with him etc.

YANBU. I would tell him to either take the children out or he cooks the dinner, he can't expect you to do it all. Christmas needs to be a team effort and not all on your shoulder. He's being lazy and selfish

A bit much. A walk, sure. 2.5 hours!? In December! Wouldn’t fly for us. Also, what is essentially a roast dinner for 7 does not need this level of stress. Prep the veg the night before, make starters and desserts that can go in the fridge, write a timetable. Gravy and stuffing you can do before. Lay the table/get out all utensils etc. Write a drinks list for your Husband. You really can take the pressure off here, and enjoy it more x

As a Mum of teens I understand where you are coming from Christmas Lunch is so stressful. Although don’t miss out on being with your kids they’ll soon be off doing their own thing (it comes round sooner than you think) and all your remember is being on your own in the kitchen. Move lunch to the afternoon, buy prepared veg etc turkey crown, cook a ham the day before. It doesn’t have to be perfect !
By the time you nip out to the kitchen your kids will be either back on gadgets, playing with toys, watching TV or playing with relatives.

Tell him to grow up and get a grip... Or no nice meal! End of!

What do you think the rest of us do? It's their home as well and the day should be about family, not a Nigella lunch.

What an utterly bizarre way to treat your husband and children.

Put your foot down and make him help you cook lunch, or you stay in the house with the kids while he cooks. If he refuses to help you cook, then tell him he won't get a Christmas Dinner!

Your relationship should be 50/50, not the 1950's.

For 2.5hrs on a cold winters day let alone Christmas Day is a insane

30min walk and park fine

Prep Xmas Eve

And tell dh to make sure they stay out of the kitchen

At 3&6 they should be able to entertain their selves for a while ans dh help you

Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

Why? It’s a roast dinner! I’m doing “Christmas” dinner for my brother and SIL tomorrow as we won’t see each other at “real” Christmas.

I’ll be at work until 2pm so I’ll prepare the veg this evening. Dinner will be ready for 6 pm ish.

Okay so only five of us not seven but if another couple people suddenly want to come I’d just increase the veg and make the meat go further.

No need to send anyone out in the cold!

Get DH to cook and you take the kids out 😉

I think a trip to the local park could be nice for the kids, but 2.5 hours is excessive. How about he just agree to keep them entertained? That could be a trip to the local park followed by a film at home or playing with their new toys/ doing some arts and crafts.
Also I would suggest prepping as much as you can in advance. Maybe the night before after you put the kids to bed and your husband can help out.

Where is he while they're bothering you? He needs to be entertaining them and keeping them out of the kitchen. Are they not busy playing and looking at their presents they just got? Why are they so bored they're coming in to bother you so much?

Totally unreasonable

21/2 hours on a Winter’s Day that could possibly be cold and wet is totally out of order especially as you say he doesn’t drive.

Where do you expect him to go ?

Why don’t you simply invite your guests earlier so the children can enjoy their company as well rather than you having to focus on them and coking the dinner ?

Alternatively ask your husband to do the cooking and you look after the kids.

@Chikapu

Seriously stop prioritising a meal over your husband's and children's comfort, it will be freezing hanging around somewhere outside just for the sake of it.

Are we in the 1850s, or is it just you? Clearly op should be making an amazing meal and putting her husband/kids first - what am I thinking 🤦‍♀️

I must be mental too, OP, because I’ve asked my DH to take the children out while I prepare the festive meal- granted not for 2.5 hours, but I got so much more done in an hour alone!

We live in a city where some places like coffee shops will be open on Christmas morning though so they could run around in the park then go to a cafe to warm up.

Now they’re teens, they sometimes help out so we’re at a different stage.

First of all, I'd insist he at least takes them for a walk around the block or something because Christmas dinner is STRESSFUL. But also, I find it makes the whole thing easier to do the prep for lunch once the kids are in bed on Christmas Eve. So stuff like making up the Yorkshire pudding batter, covering and refrigerating it, peeling and chopping the veg - and get the stuff that won't perish out of water in the steamer and the rest either goes in bowls or pans of water until I'm ready for them. Get the stuffing made up, Turkey on low in the oven overnight, trifles and things made up. Then come Christmas day, it's just a case of cooking everything. Still stressful but a lot less so than trying to do everything on the day.

If it comes to it, be explicit and use a piece of tape on the ground to show the border that must not be crossed during lunch prep.

I agree.

I used to have a ‘magic line’ across the kitchen doorway when I was cooking/boiling nappies/doing anything dangerous. My children, and later the grandchildren, knew that they must not cross this line. I used a baby gate too, when they were too little to understand. As long as they can see you, they just have to get used to entertaining themselves.

I think your husband should get stuck in to preparing the lunch. He is perfectly capable of “chopping, stirring, basting, steaming the puddings and setting the table”. I don’t understand at all why he isn’t doing some/most/all of that if the children want your attention! So, to answer your question, YABU in not expecting him to participate in these domestic demands, but to wander around outside, together with your small children, on a possibly very cold day for 2 1/2 hours!

I don't think it is unreasonable at all to want your OH to entertain his kids whilst you prepare a feast for lots of people.
And yes. It is easiest if he takes them out.

If I was him I would start with playing with some of their Christmas Stocking gifts in the house, maybe a couple
Of crafts to give to the guests, practice their Christmas songs and poems to present to their guests on arrival and then take some of their new gifts to the park to play with for at least 45 mins.

So he needs fo make sure there are some cool toys from Father Christmas in there suitable for such a plan.
This is his opportunity to get some of those cool balls to throw in the air and waft about.

Then he should come home. Pop kids in front of a Christmas Film, pour you a drink and come sous chef for you.

At the very least He should lay the table with the kids, surely?!

Honestly?
This is what Christmas TV, stocking presents and iPads are for!

Going against the grain but I think 2.5 hours is OK so long as it's not a blizzard or heavy rain. Not around the local park maybe, but can't he drive somewhere which is a bit more exciting and they can go for a walk in the woods and (I can sense I might get flattened for this ) take a flask of hot chocolate/coffee with them.

It sort of depends on what you have nearby. We have a great woodland play area with a Christmas trail, climbing trees and other stuff nearby and I would absolutely expect my DH to be able to kill an hour or two with my DC there. The small playground round the corner...probably not!

Think how much calmer the kids will be in the afternoon if he wears them out all morning.

Haven't read through the whole . Somewhat unreasonable, it's rather a long time with nowhere in particular to go, unless you have an outstanding park on your doorstep. Outdoor activities are very weather dependent. Can he not amuse them in the home, whilst you are preparing lunch? after all they will probably have some new things to play with.