Page 11 | To think father should pay csa even if he doesn't want the baby

Bear45 · 2021-12-08T18:03:03+00:00

As title says! He wanted me to have an abortion and I've not heard off him for 3 weeks now. I'm 13 weeks, obviously it's a way off but just wondering what peoples opinions are

FreedomFaith · 09/12/2021 08:59

No one can be forced to have a child, whether they be woman or man. You can't make someone be a parent, if they want to walk away, they can. Many have, including women. He isn't going to pay I'd hazard a guess at, so you are a single mum.

Twilight7777 · 09/12/2021 09:00

I think if a man was clear at the time of or prior to conception that he did not want a baby then I believe he should be able to opt out. Just my opinion and I’m entitled to it as others are entitled to theirs

girlmom21 · 09/12/2021 09:06

@Twilight7777

I think if a man was clear at the time of or prior to conception that he did not want a baby then I believe he should be able to opt out. Just my opinion and I’m entitled to it as others are entitled to theirs

I would agree with this if I hadn't read so many posts of men who refuse to use condoms even though they know their partner can't use hormonal contraception.

GotBeatenUp · 09/12/2021 09:11

@Twilight7777, are you proposing that every sexual encounter is preceded by a written contract between two people that they are having consensual protected recreational sex and that any accidentally conceived foetus would be terminated?

Glassofshloer · 09/12/2021 09:29

@caringcarer

No reason men can't use 2 condoms in case one splits.

The friction between the two makes splitting more likely.

Comedycook · 09/12/2021 09:32

I think everyone is missing the point. The child is the most important person in these situations. It doesn't matter if it's not "fair" on the man. It doesn't matter who did or didn't want the pregnancy to go ahead. If the child exists, they need to be provided for financially. The reason for their existence is irrelevant.

MabelsApron · 09/12/2021 09:36

Men cannot have the same rights as women when it comes to pregnancy, because they're not the ones carrying the child.

A woman has ultimate say over whether or not a pregnancy proceeds, because it is her body that has to sustain the child until it is born. If the man disagrees with the choice she makes, then that is terrible for him, but it makes no odds. He can neither force her to terminate or force her to continue the pregnancy.

The man's say, or his control, is in the contraception that he chooses to use. He needs to approach that contraception militantly if he doesn't want to have a baby, because that's his last chance saloon. If more men took their equality seriously then we wouldn't have these problems. You can see that they don't, because of the various comments asking "what if she tricks him?" Men are not expected to be responsible for their own contraception, which is madness, because it's their only form of control in this scenario. If they're serious about not fathering a child, then they need to be using contraception and accepting the risks that are associated with that contraception, when weighing up the decision as to whether or not to have sex.

Once both parties have gone beyond this moment (the man by not using contraception and/or accepting that the contraception might fail and the woman by making a choice on termination), the child's rights to financial support kick in and override the wishes of the parents.

If you want to protect your menfolk, tell them to take control of their own contraception.

PleasantBirthday · 09/12/2021 09:47

@Twilight7777

I think if a man was clear at the time of or prior to conception that he did not want a baby then I believe he should be able to opt out. Just my opinion and I’m entitled to it as others are entitled to theirs

"I am going to have sex with you but I do not want to be a parent. What steps are you taking to make sure I don't become one? Also, if you are unsuccessful in preventing pregnancy, let this stand as a declaration that I am not responsible in any way.

Let's get to it!!"

Ghostsintheshelf · 09/12/2021 09:59

"I am going to have sex with you but I do not want to be a parent. What steps are you taking to make sure I don't become one? Also, if you are unsuccessful in preventing pregnancy, let this stand as a declaration that I am not responsible in any way.

Let's get to it!!"

I mean, what redblooded woman could resist this sweet talk?
I think that in itself would be the contraceptive for me.

ohdelay · 09/12/2021 10:27

This is a tricky one. On the absolutes of you need to support your children of course he should pay. But, why choose to have a child with someone who doesn’t want it. It’s a bad start and unlikely to get better.

Tink626 · 09/12/2021 10:27

My DS's father has never met him and has no interest or involvement in his life. He wanted me to get an abortion and made it very clear from the start that he didn't want to get involved. I've never pursued him for CSA and he has never contributed a penny. Do I think he should have offered help? Yes. Would I try and force it? No.
It was my choice to carry on with the pregnancy and therefore I believe that I need to bare the consequences of that decision.

YungWaffle · 09/12/2021 10:29

[quote GotBeatenUp]@Twilight7777, are you proposing that every sexual encounter is preceded by a written contract between two people that they are having consensual protected recreational sex and that any accidentally conceived foetus would be terminated?[/quote]
It's only weird because we don't do it. Honestly, I think society would be in a better place if people were forced to put more thought and care into procreation. The burden goes far further than benefits.

Dogscanteatonions · 09/12/2021 10:36

I can't believe how many cuntish things I've read on this post. Yes he should pay.

aSofaNearYou · 09/12/2021 10:37

Personally no, I don't think he should, depending on the circumstances of conception.

Comedycook · 09/12/2021 10:43

So many fucked up views.

Imagine two children being brought up by their single mums. One is entitled to be financially supported because they were planned and the other is entitled to no financial support because their father didn't want the pregnancy to continue.

It's so messed up.

I suggest that if you believe men should be able to avoid child maintenance if they didn't want the child, you have Stockholm syndrome and your kidnapper is the patriarchy. Instead of putting the children first, you are focusing solely on what is fair for the man. Take a look at yourself.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 09/12/2021 10:53

@thatstheloveiwantiwantlove

If the mother names him on the birth certificate then yes he should pay. If she doesn't then no he shouldn't.

The mother can't name him on the birth certificate unless they are married. If they are not married, he has to go to the register office with the mother at the time of registration

RantyAunty · 09/12/2021 11:21

It would make me happy if all these whinging misogynistic MRAs never had sex again.

I couldn't imagine any woman wanting to get naked with them, knowing how they really feel about women.

JudgeJ · 09/12/2021 11:26

@SantasGoodLittleGirl

Obviously, he should pay. To avoid paying child support, men should use effective contraception, or refrain from having sex.

And to avoid getting pregnant the woman should be using some form of contraception and/or make sure the man is doing so, opr refrain from having sex.

PleasantBirthday · 09/12/2021 11:32

And to avoid getting pregnant the woman should be using some form of contraception and/or make sure the man is doing so, opr refrain from having sex.

Granted. But how is this a useful sentiment in this discussion, which is about men not taking adequate responsibility for contraception or prevention of pregnancy and then refusing to deal with the consequences of that behaviour and the weird women who think they shouldn't have to, the poor confused, entrapped boys.

FoxgloveSummers · 09/12/2021 11:45

For those posters who think men shouldn't have to pay:

For many women abortion is either not available or not something they can bring themselves to do. How far would you take this? Would you argue for (something that for some women would feel equally wrong) "if a man states early on he doesn't want a baby then the woman should have to slaughter it at birth"?
(BTW this doesn't reflect my view on abortion at all but many women around the world do feel that it is the killing of a baby)
If not, why not?
even if they do have to pay, the CSA will make sure it's only an affordable amount. No-one ever checks that your child/children who live with you are only costing you an affordable amount!

OP - I would honestly take the money if you can and set it aside for your child. What if you get ill and are unable to work? What if your child has additional needs? your situation can change and the right person to share the responsibility is its father.

@Ghostsintheshelf your post has it in a nutshell

@Dogscanteatonions

AthenaPopodopolous · 09/12/2021 11:52

Yes I absolutely agree. I think men who have sex with a woman should bear in mind the possibility of pregnancy and only have sex if they accept the risk and be responsibility of there is a baby.
I had a man walk away and tried to pressurise an abortion. That child is now sixteen and a grade A student who loves with him.
I think a lot of young men just can’t understand how unintended pregnancies happen but they can turn it around and become stellar fathers.

Sowhatifiam · 09/12/2021 11:58

It's only weird because we don't do it. Honestly, I think society would be in a better place if people were forced to put more thought and care into procreation. The burden goes far further than benefits

Are you suggesting the children of single parents are a 'burden'? On society, I presume? Do you know how offensive that is?

mbosnz · 09/12/2021 12:09

I've brought my girls up with the mantra 'two, count them, two forms of contraception, one of them always being a condom'. I'd recommend bringing up boys with the same mantra, although of course, they only have the girl's word for it that she's using a form of contraception. But they're controlling what they can control - and of course condoms are the best protection against STI's too, which is why I heartily recommend that they are always used for the protection of both parties.

And if a dude objects to a condom - do not let him spray, just walk away. . .

ohdelay · 09/12/2021 12:12

Is the opposition to abortion religious? Pregnancy isn't a baby/child, choosing to continue a pregnancy leads to a child.
Maybe women shouldn't have sex unless they are happy to have an abortion in the event of unexpected pregnancy? Equally as ridiculous as all the people going on about men not having sex unless they are prepared to support a child.

Whammyyammy · 09/12/2021 12:19

@Rabblesthecat

I go against the grain - no they should not.

Everyone (including the mother) has a choice up to 22 weeks. It may be a choice you don’t want to make but you are still making a choice the other way to keep it.

No baby conceived has to be born so I don’t see why they should have to pay if they have no say in its existence.

I agree.... but grab tin hat.... incoming