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AIBU?

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Original poster

Horrible nickname in DDs Christmas cards

140 replies

BullFrogDog · 08/12/2021 15:17

DD (12) came home with a Christmas card last week which read “to fat thing, merry Christmas from Ria x”
I asked why it said fat thing to which DD said this is just what this girl calls her and she has nicknames for everyone. I said it was a horrible thing to call someone but DD insisted she wanted the card displayed and I was asked not to make a fuss.

Since then 2 more cards have surfaced addressed to “Fat Thing” from different girls. I called the school, they have finally rang me back and said they spoke with DD and the girls involved and it transpired that this is a nickname for DD which she states she doesn’t mind. The teacher has banned the nickname and has instructed DD to inform her if anyone calls her it again.
Rightly or wrongly I’ve just had a quick look on her laptop and this name has been in use for months, at least as far back as the main lockdown.

AIBU to want to take it further or am I being OTT?

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 08/12/2021 15:19

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starrynight87 · 08/12/2021 15:20

This sounds odd, do you think your daughter agrees with the nickname to keep the peace or due to peer pressure?

JaninaDuszejko · 08/12/2021 15:20

It's horrible but you'll make it worse by complaining about it.

Ozanj · 08/12/2021 15:21

You need to work on your daughter’s self esteem. Teaching her to give back as good as she gets is the best way to deal with these losers.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 08/12/2021 15:24

How can school be sure DD really is ok with this and isn't trying to just front things out?

It sounds so odd and maybe she is but I'd suggest - and I'm sure now it's on your radar you are - watching this space, take pics of the cards, email correspondence and keep records of phone conversations with school in case this is part of a bigger picture.

Inclined to agree with Ozanj and afk what nicknames she has for them!

Hope you're both ok Thanks

smoko · 08/12/2021 15:25

What are her nicknames for them?

Does DD have an explanation as to how the nickname came about?

It's such a shame how nasty girls can be with name calling. Even if your DD doesn't mind "fat" as a private joke isn't a great look, as it likely means they will use it as a slur against someone else.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 08/12/2021 15:25

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes Confused no they aren't.

What we're the conversations like when you looked on her laptop? If they were being friendly enough and your dd is truly not upset then I would just leave it.

Ywbvu to push it further if this is the only thing and your dd is asking you to leave it.

They all probably have daft nicknames for each other, as many kids do.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 15:27

Does anyone else have a bad nickname?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/12/2021 15:27

I think you’re right to think this isn’t on, but wrong to call the school yourself

You need to work on her ability to stand up for herself and say no to nicknames like this.

Obviously if she’s very skinny and it’s ironic it’s a slightly different kettle of fish (although could also be upsetting)

IgneousRock · 08/12/2021 15:28

It sounds like the teacher has dealt with it, I wouldn't take things any further for now but keep an eye on your DD. Does she seem happy at school generally?

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 15:28

Also is she fat. Or is she very slim and it’s a joke name.

LubaLuca · 08/12/2021 15:30

It might be a bit of an in-joke - do any of the other have these types of nicknames?

Also, is she actually fat?

oatlattetogo · 08/12/2021 15:31

Is your daughter overweight? If she isn’t then it’s just a (very) weird nickname, maybe an in-joke. I wouldn’t like it but if it genuinely doesn’t bother her then there’s not much you can do about it.

If she is overweight then I would be a bit firmer about it needing to be stopped. Firstly because I’d be worried that she actually did mind being called it and was putting on a brave face, but also because of what other bigger girls might feel hearing it. I was an overweight teenager, I’d have been mortified if one of my classmates who was the same size as me (or smaller, but still overweight) was being called ‘fat thing’. Somehow it’s not the same if your daughter is slim, but I’d have constantly been thinking ‘well if they call her fat then what must they be saying about me?’.

marykitty · 08/12/2021 15:34

Depends. Is she overweight?
If not, it could be just an inside joke. I had few strange nicknames back in the days with dear friends, all inside jokes.

PleasantBirthday · 08/12/2021 15:35

Do the other girls have nicknames that could be construed as abusive too? Can your DD use them to the other girls? If they also have nicknames and your DD participates in calling and being called these names, I think it would be OK. My guess is that you already know that so I'm assuming not.

Did your DD say why she is OK with it?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 08/12/2021 15:35

Has she seen Pitch Perfect and picked it up from there?

PestoPlum · 08/12/2021 15:37

Yep, I’d need to know what the other girls nicknames are, they might all be horrible.

WakeUpLockie · 08/12/2021 15:38

One of my friends at school went by Fat - she was the skinniest of them all. My mum did too actually!!! She was thin as a rake. Other nicknames were Bev and Dave. Kids are weird.

WakeUpLockie · 08/12/2021 15:38

Meant to add no one minded and we were more often in hysterics than not. Might all be fine!

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 08/12/2021 15:39

FWIW I was thin at that age and was often called skinny or skeleton.

Hilarious it was Confused

LaBellaTrix · 08/12/2021 15:40

Is she skinny and it's a joke nickname?

I used to be called Rolypoly at school because I was tall and slender. Still tall, not quite so slender.

Kanaloa · 08/12/2021 15:40

@Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.
These young girls are (it sounds like) nasty. It’s silly to say the majority of young girls are ‘arseholes.’ Young people of both sexes can occasionally be dicks. Like older people of both sexes.

Unfortunately it sounds like these particular girls may have ganged up on your daughter and she’s trying to keep the peace/stay friends op. Hopefully you can talk to her and maybe get to the bottom of it - I’d be worried that there could be more to it.

GreetingsAndSalutations · 08/12/2021 15:40

Kids this age- girls and boys- can be fucking vile. I think you did the right thing for your daughter. She doesn’t deserve to be given an insulting nickname and this kind of nastiness needs stamping out because in my experience it does escalate. Hope things don’t get tricky for your daughter at school though.

RosiePosieDozy · 08/12/2021 15:40

You definitely need to be working on her self esteem. She shouldn't be okay with being called that.

It seems like she has accepted the name rather than speak up. It's bullying.

If it's some kind of inside joke, surely there are nicknames for the others?

Kanaloa · 08/12/2021 15:41

Although I do agree with pp’s that if she’s particularly tiny/smallest of the group it’s possibly just a silly nickname or some sort of joke.

I would be a bit worried if she is larger or even healthy size as I remember being a normal sized/quite slim teen and being convinced I was fat. So I’d be a bit worried there might be more to it.