Horrible nickname in DDs Christmas cards

[BullFrogDog]

DD (12) came home with a Christmas card last week which read “to fat thing, merry Christmas from Ria x”
I asked why it said fat thing to which DD said this is just what this girl calls her and she has nicknames for everyone. I said it was a horrible thing to call someone but DD insisted she wanted the card displayed and I was asked not to make a fuss.

Since then 2 more cards have surfaced addressed to “Fat Thing” from different girls. I called the school, they have finally rang me back and said they spoke with DD and the girls involved and it transpired that this is a nickname for DD which she states she doesn’t mind. The teacher has banned the nickname and has instructed DD to inform her if anyone calls her it again.
Rightly or wrongly I’ve just had a quick look on her laptop and this name has been in use for months, at least as far back as the main lockdown.

AIBU to want to take it further or am I being OTT?

[PleasantBirthday]

It's also notable in the idea that boys fight it out and don't bully anyone because they are all direct. I mean, I don't think anyone who knows any male people think that's accurate.

[CanIPleaseHaveOne]

@LimeTreeGrove

I remember when dd1 started year 7 I was on a thread for year 7 starter parents. There were actually more people who reported bullying by boys than girls on it but people never made generalisations about boys based on the posts about boy bullying, but any thread about girls being mean would result in "Oh yes girls are bitches." It would be unacceptable to generalise about other groups like this, but girls seem to be fair game. I've got 14 and 17 year old girls and their friends are lovely and drama free, so I object to the "girls are bitches" prejudice

It always amazes me how this reaction to that group is almost intuitive.

And not rational at all.

Let's turn it - "oh yeah, all boys are dicks." Does not work does it?

[LimeTreeGrove]

I remember when dd1 started year 7 I was on a thread for year 7 starter parents. There were actually more people who reported bullying by boys than girls on it but people never made generalisations about boys based on the posts about boy bullying, but any thread about girls being mean would result in "Oh yes girls are bitches." It would be unacceptable to generalise about other groups like this, but girls seem to be fair game. I've got 14 and 17 year old girls and their friends are lovely and drama free, so I object to the "girls are bitches" prejudice

[mathanxiety]

Yes indeed, @CanIPleaseHaveOne, but teen girls get the rap.

This is because it's easy to gang up on teen girls. They're female after all. What's not to hate?

[CanIPleaseHaveOne]

@Nanny0gg

Not all girls (obvs), but sometimes they get a pack mentality and they can be hideous

Is that exclusive to female teens?

Or could we say that some male teens do that too sometimes?

Some adult males also do it I believe. As do adult women. I have even seen young boys do it. As I have seen young girls do it. And, oddest of all I have seen MIXED SEX groups doing it.

[Nanny0gg]

[quote mathanxiety]@NannyOgg, girls are not typically horrible to one another as some posters upthread would have us believe.

That's just yet another anti teen girl trope that only benefits the patriarchy.

I think the OP is being spectacularly humourless here. Pearl clutching at its finest.

Teen girls and boys alike often have weird and unusual nicknames for each other. In this case, the DD herself was not one bit distressed by the nickname and wanted the card displayed.

Her mother has probably mortified her by bringing the nickname to the attention of the teacher against her daughters wishes I would predict that if anything really came up in this girl's life she would think twice about trusting her mother with it.[/quote]
Sorry. I'm going to disagree with you there, purely anecdotally and from personal experience.

Not all girls (obvs), but sometimes they get a pack mentality and they can be hideous.

And as I suffered with being called spiteful nicknames I have my opinion. And we have no idea whether she was distressed or not.

[Briarshollow]

@Bluntness100

Also is she fat. Or is she very slim and it’s a joke name.

You going to defend the girls’ use of ‘fat thing’ then if OP’s daughter is overweight? Or are you just trying to draw it out of the OP if her daughter is overweight so everyone can quietly judge her for that? 🙄

[eddiemairswife]

Just stop fussing. Parents on here want to micro-manage their children's lives. Let your daughter sort it out, if anything needs sorting.

[gersteddybears]

Is it genuinely about something else and not about her weight? Which is why she doesn't see the big deal and inks it's fine.

If she's overweight then yes I wld assume that's it is not meant as an endearing nickname. That's so sad and mean, I really hope it's not the latter.

[Newbabynewhouse]

I used to get called freddo in school as i apparently looked like a frog it honestly didnt bother me

[mathanxiety]

@NannyOgg, girls are not typically horrible to one another as some posters upthread would have us believe.

That's just yet another anti teen girl trope that only benefits the patriarchy.

I think the OP is being spectacularly humourless here. Pearl clutching at its finest.

Teen girls and boys alike often have weird and unusual nicknames for each other. In this case, the DD herself was not one bit distressed by the nickname and wanted the card displayed.

Her mother has probably mortified her by bringing the nickname to the attention of the teacher against her daughters wishes I would predict that if anything really came up in this girl's life she would think twice about trusting her mother with it.

[Summersnake]

That was my step dads nickname for me ,his kids didn’t have nicknames ,just me .always got told I was a bad sport because it upset me .
I expect she cares very much what they call her ,but tries not to draw attention to it ,and tries not to make it worse in the hope they might forget about calling it her .

[whynotwhatknot]

yes its all abut the context if shes thin its an iornic name

fat amy named herself that in the film

[Nanny0gg]

@Lessofallthisunpleasantness

The nickname is mean....

But since when is it 'not ok to comment on someones weight'? Who decreed that? If someone is fat they are fat, if they are thin they are thin. These are descriptions.

And if you use them, you're generally not using them as 'descriptions', you're using them to be spiteful.

[Nanny0gg]

@mathanxiety

I think you're being OTT here.

Kids call each other weird nicknames.

This isn't a case of girls being 'typically horrible' to each other.

How do you know that?

[Nanny0gg]

@dottiedodah

Of course not all young girls are "arseholes"! Many are unsure of themselves and will act up .Many are quite sweet .Honestly all these girls will someday be women .Will they still be "arseholes " then FFS!

Well, one or two I went to school with certainly carried on the way they'd started...

[Just10moreminutesplease]

Me and my friends had some awful nicknames for each other for a while. It was a weird stage but they were a kind of in joke between us…

Have you checked that all the girls don’t have similar names? It’s odd she would want to display the card if she didn’t like the nickname.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

@Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.

No they aren’t. They are vulnerable kids trying to make their way. All kids can be cruel.

You are raising daughters. Check that internalised misogyny - you don’t want want to pass it on.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

It’s a 2 pronged attack - the first is to let the school know and have them take action, which you’ve done. The second is to work on your daughter’s self esteem, self awareness and assertiveness.

At the very least the nn is an attempt to put her in a box. At the worst it’s bullying she is appeasing to head off it getting worse.

I’d assume it’s the former (especially when you’re talking to her) - but who wants to live in a box? I’d do some research on resources for teen girls / self esteem / assertiveness / how to build it. Tackle it that way, rather than head on (unless it emerges as full on bullying, obvs)

[Lessofallthisunpleasantness]

The nickname is mean....

But since when is it 'not ok to comment on someones weight'? Who decreed that? If someone is fat they are fat, if they are thin they are thin. These are descriptions.

[mathanxiety]

I think you're being OTT here.

Kids call each other weird nicknames.

This isn't a case of girls being 'typically horrible' to each other.

[Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis]

Then again, her friend signed the card with her actual name rather than a nickname so I'm not sure..

[Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis]

Could he an inside joke... a friend and I call each other "ugly" and it's stuck with is since early teens. Not because we thought that of one another or even of ourselves. Other people found it strange but to us it was a funny little name.

It depends how it came about really?

[DariaMorgendorffer]

@Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.

incorrect and horrible post.

[dottiedodah]

Of course not all young girls are "arseholes"! Many are unsure of themselves and will act up .Many are quite sweet .Honestly all these girls will someday be women .Will they still be "arseholes " then FFS!