Horrible nickname in DDs Christmas cards

[BullFrogDog]

DD (12) came home with a Christmas card last week which read “to fat thing, merry Christmas from Ria x”
I asked why it said fat thing to which DD said this is just what this girl calls her and she has nicknames for everyone. I said it was a horrible thing to call someone but DD insisted she wanted the card displayed and I was asked not to make a fuss.

Since then 2 more cards have surfaced addressed to “Fat Thing” from different girls. I called the school, they have finally rang me back and said they spoke with DD and the girls involved and it transpired that this is a nickname for DD which she states she doesn’t mind. The teacher has banned the nickname and has instructed DD to inform her if anyone calls her it again.
Rightly or wrongly I’ve just had a quick look on her laptop and this name has been in use for months, at least as far back as the main lockdown.

AIBU to want to take it further or am I being OTT?

[tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz]

Actually if DD isn't fat and quite the opposite there is the >> tiny

[Coughee]

Of course the majority of young girls aren't horrible. Don't be ridiculous kitty kat. I don't blame you op for really wanting to get to the bottom of this. I do know that this is something teens (of both sexes!) do to each other at times make up 'funny' horrible nicknames for each other. As with every joke though it's only funny if everyone is laughing and everyone is part of it - so as others have said, do the other friends also have these kinds of nicknames?

[girlmom21]

Is Ria a ringleader and all the others follow her for her approval?

Has your daughter written nasty nicknames in her cards to anyone else?

[CanIPleaseHaveOne]

@Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.

That is an appaling statement.

[TheSmallAssassin]

I don't understand why you would make a big deal of it if your daughter says she doesn't mind. What exactly are you going to "take further"?

[SirChenjins]

It depends on how it's being said/taken. Sometimes really good friends can have some pretty horrible names for each other as a weird sort of term of endearment - but equally, if she feels that she has to put on a brave face in order to fit in then it's bullying and needs to be stopped.

[JustLikea]

Is she fat or not OP ?

[oakleaffy]

@Ozanj

You need to work on your daughter’s self esteem. Teaching her to give back as good as she gets is the best way to deal with these losers.

THIS.
@BullFrogDog I helped out at a school's Christmas party, and the girls would have been aged around 10, there was a lovely girl there who was a bit overweight, and the others refused to let her use any of their glittery makeup, saying she'd not need it as she was 'Fat'.
I said that was untrue, and the hurt on the slighted girls face still causes me pain to this day.

Girls especially can be horrible to each other.

Your Daughter is worth so much more than this.

Of course she minds!
It is not acceptable , and nicknames are a form of bullying.
I was called 'Dufflecoat Dill'' by the Science teacher, I wish now I'd have called him out on it.
He played to the class by tormenting certain pupils.
I really hope your DD raises her self esteem.

Nicknames are so often cruel.

[C8H10N4O2]

Is this a small group of close friends who have stupid nicknames just within their group or a name some others have given her which she "doesn't mind" but doesn't like?

This is the bit which matters. Her actual weight is completely irrelevant to anyone but a weight obsessed MNer

[HopeHappy]

As it's not still ongoing, I think I would be tempted to just drop the teacher an email to say that it's subsequently come to light that the name calling was far more extensive than first thought.

The teacher has had a word now, so I don't think there's necessarily anything more to do at this stage. If it continues then yes, it needs addressing further.

In the meantime, as PPs have said, encourage your daughter to stand her ground, even if she really, truly doesn't mind. Just because she doesn't, it doesn't mean to say someone else that is called a horrible nickname won't be upset by it.

A lot of it does come down to the tone and intention of the girls involved. Is it genuinely a jokey, take the piss out of each other, otherwise really friendly group, or is it one girl that's a bit of a bully that everyone tolerates for the sake of keeping her on side?

The first of those should be easier to overcome - tell them to stop being so daft and use nicknames based on their own names (we had things like "Smithy" for someone called Smith, or "Hobbit" for someone called "Small" (ironically very tall), rather than an appearance. The latter can be more tricky to navigate as the nasty girls tend to get even nastier when called out on their behaviour.

I hope your DD is ok OP and is otherwise surrounded by good friends.

[MintyCedric]

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Has she seen Pitch Perfect and picked it up from there?

That was my first thought too.

[FrownedUpon]

The teacher has dealt with it. How are you going to take it further? Just leave it now & help your daughter with her self-esteem. Is she actually fat?

[StrangerThanSpring]

Fat thing is not an appropriate nickname for anyone whether overweight or not, so you were right to complain and the teacher was right to stomp on this. Tell your daughter it's offensive and it's not ok.

[RunRunGingerbreadMan]

There were some really weird nicknames at my school and generally these were for the popular ones. They included Bog Brush and Donk (short for donkey), they seemed very proud of their nicknames. I agree you need to make sure, it may be that she genuinely likes it, but if not then it needs sorting.

[lunar1]

There is no way this is ok, even if your dd is ok with it on the surface.

[Katyrosebug]

I'm known as 'fat aunty kate' which didn't bother me, a friend at school was called big girl or big bird and it was an in joke thing with us, she's still called this today and she's a size 8. Also have a friend that's rather large and goes by slim

[AbsolutelyFuckinFabulousDarlin]

You have only just informed the school
They are dealing with it
Take it further already?, why?

[simpledeer]

I also wondered if this group of girls had given each other vile nicknames. Fat Thing might be the "nicest" if the others are called Piss Flaps and Turd Breath

I would speak to DD properly before going ballistic.

If however she is overweight and this is a form of bullying, hopefully this will be the end of it.

[Shaboon1978]

@RosiePosieDozy

You definitely need to be working on her self esteem. She shouldn't be okay with being called that.

It seems like she has accepted the name rather than speak up. It's bullying.

If it's some kind of inside joke, surely there are nicknames for the others?

If you flag this up she will surely see an issue, id see this as silly childhood nicknames.

Sounds like her self esteem is fine, good on her!

[Katyrosebug]

I should add those names came about because we had a PSE lesson on bullying and we all had to come up with things thsg would be considered insults etc and just general messing around and that's where our names came from

[icedcoffees]

If your DD is happy with it, why did you feel the need to go to the school and complain about it? It doesn't like anyone was upset until you got offended on DD"s behalf.

When I was at school, people had all sorts of weird nicknames for other people. On the surface, some names sounded really offensive but they absolutely weren't - they were just affectionate nicknames.

[CSJobseeker]

@Bluntness100

Also is she fat. Or is she very slim and it’s a joke name.

This is what occurred to me. If she is very slim, it may well be a joke that she's in on.

If not, obviously it isn't a joke, and isn't very nice.

[thelegohooverer]

Is the teacher/are the school on the ball about this sort of thing? It might be enough to pull the girls up on it, or they might need some more help around the social/emotional piece.

Could you reach out, non-combatively, to the other parents? I’d want to know if my dd was doing this. It’s a tricky age and there’s often a few situations that they need help untangling.

[Shaboon1978]

@icedcoffees

If your DD is happy with it, why did you feel the need to go to the school and complain about it? It doesn't like anyone was upset until you got offended on DD"s behalf.

When I was at school, people had all sorts of weird nicknames for other people. On the surface, some names sounded really offensive but they absolutely weren't - they were just affectionate nicknames.

This