Horrible nickname in DDs Christmas cards

[BullFrogDog]

DD (12) came home with a Christmas card last week which read “to fat thing, merry Christmas from Ria x”
I asked why it said fat thing to which DD said this is just what this girl calls her and she has nicknames for everyone. I said it was a horrible thing to call someone but DD insisted she wanted the card displayed and I was asked not to make a fuss.

Since then 2 more cards have surfaced addressed to “Fat Thing” from different girls. I called the school, they have finally rang me back and said they spoke with DD and the girls involved and it transpired that this is a nickname for DD which she states she doesn’t mind. The teacher has banned the nickname and has instructed DD to inform her if anyone calls her it again.
Rightly or wrongly I’ve just had a quick look on her laptop and this name has been in use for months, at least as far back as the main lockdown.

AIBU to want to take it further or am I being OTT?

[MrsFin]

What are the other girls' nicknames? Are they equally mean? Eg "four eyes", "ginger whinger" etc?

[Greenmarmalade]

Context is everything and this may be perfectly fine. Could easily be from in-jokes, and she’s happy being part of a group that make jokes and really care about each other.

[Mammma91]

I cannot fucking stand the word ‘fat’ let alone for a young girl. Your poor DD. This could be so damaging in later life and you absolutely did the right thing by calling the school. I would refuse to display these cards, to emphasise you do not condone it. I hope your DD is actually ok and not being subjected to bullying by accepting it.

[SlashBeef]

I'd want a bit more information I think. How did the name come about? We had some bizarre nicknames for each other at school but it was funny. Everyone had one and it wasn't a matter of one person being singled out with a mean name.

[DorothyZbornakIsAQueen]

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes

You were one once! You need to check your not so internalised misogyny. That is an appalling statement.

I feel sorry for your daughter. Your projection is going to harm her.

[KerryWeaver]

@Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.

What a deeply misogynistic post.

The majority of young girls are not arseholes.

[cansu]

no it is not OK. You have however dealt with it. You alerted the school who have banned the name and presumably spoken to the children about it.
If your dd is allowing people to talk to her like this, you also need to talk to her about why this isn't OK. It sounds like this has been going on for so long because she has accepted this and hasn't told an adult.

[ChiefStockingStuffer]

@JaninaDuszejko

It's horrible but you'll make it worse by complaining about it.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

Why oh why do people keep telling people not to speak up, not to confront bullies, not to report bullying, shitty behaviour, etc If everyone did and schools responded properly, the numbers would favour those well behaved, not the little shits doing all this stuff.

[WonderfulYou]

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes.

FFS
No wonder there are so many misogynistic views in the world when there are attitudes like this.
Yes some young girls can be idiots but so can many young boys.
Let’s drop the sexism.

Any nickname that refers to their physical characteristics should be stamped out - fat, skinny, ginger etc. even if they’re being ‘complimentary’ or a joke as it’s completely unnecessary and can lead to body issues.

A few boys in my school had a nickname for a girl - big jugs - she said she didn’t mind as it was complimentary but I said i am putting a stop to it and if I hear it again they’ll be serious consequences. There’s no need for it.

[Wam90]

Kids can be so bloody cruel 😢. I hope your daughter is okay and isn’t secretly suffering because of these nasty girls.

[JudgeJ]

@JaninaDuszejko

It's horrible but you'll make it worse by complaining about it.

True, and if there is an accepted culture of cruel nicknames among the girls I would want to know what the other girls's names are. I recall, and not with any pride. some of the nicknames we used to use at school, in the Sixth Form one unfortunate boy was known as Spotty Muldoon, you may remember the song if you're of a certain age.

[BrainPotter]

Is your daughter struggling with her weight or body image? As much as I wouldn’t like to see my daughters receive that in a card, I also remember a lovely friend at school had some silly nickname like ‘fatty bobble’. She wants fat and the nickname wasn’t malicious.
Look after your little girl x

[user68901]

I suspect your daughter is putting on brave face. I think Ria would have signed with an equally “mean” nickname if they were using nicknames ironically. This smacks of picking on your DD and i would definitely want to keep on top of this . It is not on at all and sounds like teacher needs to be quite a bit more on alert.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@luverlybubberly

Do the other girls have nicknames ? Are they "mean" too?

This is something I’d like to know. Bullying or group identity?

[dottiedodah]

Of course not all young girls are "arseholes"! Many are unsure of themselves and will act up .Many are quite sweet .Honestly all these girls will someday be women .Will they still be "arseholes " then FFS!

[DariaMorgendorffer]

@Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.

incorrect and horrible post.

[Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis]

Could he an inside joke... a friend and I call each other "ugly" and it's stuck with is since early teens. Not because we thought that of one another or even of ourselves. Other people found it strange but to us it was a funny little name.

It depends how it came about really?

[Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis]

Then again, her friend signed the card with her actual name rather than a nickname so I'm not sure..

[mathanxiety]

I think you're being OTT here.

Kids call each other weird nicknames.

This isn't a case of girls being 'typically horrible' to each other.

[Lessofallthisunpleasantness]

The nickname is mean....

But since when is it 'not ok to comment on someones weight'? Who decreed that? If someone is fat they are fat, if they are thin they are thin. These are descriptions.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

It’s a 2 pronged attack - the first is to let the school know and have them take action, which you’ve done. The second is to work on your daughter’s self esteem, self awareness and assertiveness.

At the very least the nn is an attempt to put her in a box. At the worst it’s bullying she is appeasing to head off it getting worse.

I’d assume it’s the former (especially when you’re talking to her) - but who wants to live in a box? I’d do some research on resources for teen girls / self esteem / assertiveness / how to build it. Tackle it that way, rather than head on (unless it emerges as full on bullying, obvs)

[Luredbyapomegranate]

@Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.

No they aren’t. They are vulnerable kids trying to make their way. All kids can be cruel.

You are raising daughters. Check that internalised misogyny - you don’t want want to pass it on.

[Just10moreminutesplease]

Me and my friends had some awful nicknames for each other for a while. It was a weird stage but they were a kind of in joke between us…

Have you checked that all the girls don’t have similar names? It’s odd she would want to display the card if she didn’t like the nickname.

[Nanny0gg]

@dottiedodah

Of course not all young girls are "arseholes"! Many are unsure of themselves and will act up .Many are quite sweet .Honestly all these girls will someday be women .Will they still be "arseholes " then FFS!

Well, one or two I went to school with certainly carried on the way they'd started...