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AIBU?

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Original poster

Horrible nickname in DDs Christmas cards

140 replies

BullFrogDog · 08/12/2021 15:17

DD (12) came home with a Christmas card last week which read “to fat thing, merry Christmas from Ria x”
I asked why it said fat thing to which DD said this is just what this girl calls her and she has nicknames for everyone. I said it was a horrible thing to call someone but DD insisted she wanted the card displayed and I was asked not to make a fuss.

Since then 2 more cards have surfaced addressed to “Fat Thing” from different girls. I called the school, they have finally rang me back and said they spoke with DD and the girls involved and it transpired that this is a nickname for DD which she states she doesn’t mind. The teacher has banned the nickname and has instructed DD to inform her if anyone calls her it again.
Rightly or wrongly I’ve just had a quick look on her laptop and this name has been in use for months, at least as far back as the main lockdown.

AIBU to want to take it further or am I being OTT?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 08/12/2021 19:31

@mathanxiety

I think you're being OTT here.

Kids call each other weird nicknames.

This isn't a case of girls being 'typically horrible' to each other.

How do you know that?
Nanny0gg · 08/12/2021 19:32

@Lessofallthisunpleasantness

The nickname is mean....

But since when is it 'not ok to comment on someones weight'? Who decreed that? If someone is fat they are fat, if they are thin they are thin. These are descriptions.

And if you use them, you're generally not using them as 'descriptions', you're using them to be spiteful.
whynotwhatknot · 08/12/2021 19:34

yes its all abut the context if shes thin its an iornic name

fat amy named herself that in the film

Summersnake · 08/12/2021 19:36

That was my step dads nickname for me ,his kids didn’t have nicknames ,just me .always got told I was a bad sport because it upset me .
I expect she cares very much what they call her ,but tries not to draw attention to it ,and tries not to make it worse in the hope they might forget about calling it her .

mathanxiety · 08/12/2021 19:39

@NannyOgg, girls are not typically horrible to one another as some posters upthread would have us believe.

That's just yet another anti teen girl trope that only benefits the patriarchy.

I think the OP is being spectacularly humourless here. Pearl clutching at its finest.

Teen girls and boys alike often have weird and unusual nicknames for each other. In this case, the DD herself was not one bit distressed by the nickname and wanted the card displayed.

Her mother has probably mortified her by bringing the nickname to the attention of the teacher against her daughters wishes I would predict that if anything really came up in this girl's life she would think twice about trusting her mother with it.

Newbabynewhouse · 08/12/2021 20:09

I used to get called freddo in school as i apparently looked like a frog Grin it honestly didnt bother me

gersteddybears · 08/12/2021 22:00

Is it genuinely about something else and not about her weight? Which is why she doesn't see the big deal and inks it's fine.

If she's overweight then yes I wld assume that's it is not meant as an endearing nickname. That's so sad and mean, I really hope it's not the latter.

eddiemairswife · 08/12/2021 22:30

Just stop fussing. Parents on here want to micro-manage their children's lives. Let your daughter sort it out, if anything needs sorting.

Briarshollow · 08/12/2021 23:18

@Bluntness100

Also is she fat. Or is she very slim and it’s a joke name.
You going to defend the girls’ use of ‘fat thing’ then if OP’s daughter is overweight? Or are you just trying to draw it out of the OP if her daughter is overweight so everyone can quietly judge her for that? 🙄
Nanny0gg · 09/12/2021 00:13

[quote mathanxiety]@NannyOgg, girls are not typically horrible to one another as some posters upthread would have us believe.

That's just yet another anti teen girl trope that only benefits the patriarchy.

I think the OP is being spectacularly humourless here. Pearl clutching at its finest.

Teen girls and boys alike often have weird and unusual nicknames for each other. In this case, the DD herself was not one bit distressed by the nickname and wanted the card displayed.

Her mother has probably mortified her by bringing the nickname to the attention of the teacher against her daughters wishes I would predict that if anything really came up in this girl's life she would think twice about trusting her mother with it.[/quote]
Sorry. I'm going to disagree with you there, purely anecdotally and from personal experience.

Not all girls (obvs), but sometimes they get a pack mentality and they can be hideous.

And as I suffered with being called spiteful nicknames I have my opinion. And we have no idea whether she was distressed or not.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 09/12/2021 02:08

@Nanny0gg

Not all girls (obvs), but sometimes they get a pack mentality and they can be hideous

Is that exclusive to female teens?

Or could we say that some male teens do that too sometimes?

Some adult males also do it I believe. As do adult women. I have even seen young boys do it. As I have seen young girls do it. And, oddest of all I have seen MIXED SEX groups doing it.

mathanxiety · 09/12/2021 06:01

Yes indeed, @CanIPleaseHaveOne, but teen girls get the rap.

This is because it's easy to gang up on teen girls. They're female after all. What's not to hate?

LimeTreeGrove · 09/12/2021 09:32

I remember when dd1 started year 7 I was on a thread for year 7 starter parents. There were actually more people who reported bullying by boys than girls on it but people never made generalisations about boys based on the posts about boy bullying, but any thread about girls being mean would result in "Oh yes girls are bitches." It would be unacceptable to generalise about other groups like this, but girls seem to be fair game. I've got 14 and 17 year old girls and their friends are lovely and drama free, so I object to the "girls are bitches" prejudice

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 09/12/2021 13:22

@LimeTreeGrove

I remember when dd1 started year 7 I was on a thread for year 7 starter parents. There were actually more people who reported bullying by boys than girls on it but people never made generalisations about boys based on the posts about boy bullying, but any thread about girls being mean would result in "Oh yes girls are bitches." It would be unacceptable to generalise about other groups like this, but girls seem to be fair game. I've got 14 and 17 year old girls and their friends are lovely and drama free, so I object to the "girls are bitches" prejudice
It always amazes me how this reaction to that group is almost intuitive.

And not rational at all.

Let's turn it - "oh yeah, all boys are dicks." Does not work does it?

PleasantBirthday · 09/12/2021 13:25

It's also notable in the idea that boys fight it out and don't bully anyone because they are all direct. I mean, I don't think anyone who knows any male people think that's accurate.

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