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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?

404 replies

catmum789 · 07/12/2021 18:25

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

OP posts:
christmaspavlova · 07/12/2021 18:55

@Oldtiredfedup

You’ve been handed thd gift of a crystal ball.

Now really put to the test - tell him how you feel and ask him to replace the meals.

His response will tell you what you need to know (and I’d put money in it being shitty)

Think VERY carefully if this will be what you wish for your life.

This is so true
IncompleteSenten · 07/12/2021 18:57

Yes, tell him that if he's eating it now then he's cooking your meals once the baby is here.

LagunaBubbles · 07/12/2021 18:57

But you said he's been feeding the batch cooked food to his son, so he must be eating it? Confused

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 07/12/2021 18:59

It’s shitty they are eating the food you’ve cooked for after you’ve had baby.

Original poster
catmum789 · 07/12/2021 18:59

Just clearing things up, I batch cooked for me and DP for PP because I have had anorexia and I know food won't be my priority. I do not want to fall back in to having an eating disorder and having no time to cook is a perfect excuse not to eat.

I have made meals for my DPs son in the past, however I am more comfortable making him separate meals with less salt and spice etc, I was not asked to make any meals for him as DP has fresh food for him. He finishes nursery at 5pm and goes sleep at 7pm, I don't think he should be having big meals just before bed he needs time for stuff like that to go down.

I work from home and do stupid hours and when I see DSS we play together on his tablet and he constantly wants my attention so I can't be the miserable lady ignoring him when I am working cause that's not fair, we spend our time together at the weekends when I am not working and when we get the house I will be in a separate office to work when I go back.

I am annoyed because I told my DP that this food is for PP and he has fresh food in for him and his DS, we even spoke about what he is going to eat from the fridge this week when I wasn't there! I'm more annoyed food will be wasted tbh.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 07/12/2021 18:59

Oh, I'm not saying that he isn't a prick, he is, but I don't like the idea of foods just being for adults either. I don't really see the reason to batch cook either but each to their own.

Hankunamatata · 07/12/2021 19:00

Did you leave them his freezer?
Did you explain they were for after birth?

Bigfathairyones · 07/12/2021 19:00

I think he's going to be cooking a bit in the next few weeks then!

LaplandLucy · 07/12/2021 19:01

So basically you’re having a child in an unstable set up, where you haven’t even blended yourself into his family with his stepson and your ‘D’ P is a useless lump who ate all the food you cooked , knowing the reason you cooked it and that you did it in pain while he watched the footy and didn’t even bother to help you.

Why oh why are you having a baby with him.

I hope you’re financially secure yourself and that you are equal owner of this new home as the whole thing sounds like a disaster.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 07/12/2021 19:03

He finishes nursery at 5pm and goes sleep at 7pm, I don't think he should be having big meals just before bed he needs time for stuff like that to go down.

It doesn’t have to be a big meal.

I am annoyed because I told my DP that this food is for PP and he has fresh food in for him and his DS

So not chicken nuggets? Why does he only make chicken nuggets when you come over then?

hotmeatymilk · 07/12/2021 19:03

Why oh why are you having a baby with him.
Is this sort of thing helpful when someone is 33 weeks pregnant? She can’t magically undo it. Agree he sounds like a useless prick, though, but perhaps when spoken to by the OP he’ll surprise us all.

Original poster
catmum789 · 07/12/2021 19:03

@hotmeatymilk

I can’t really understand a word of what’s going on but the whole situation sounds terrible. Begrudging a small child food is just awful. That’s… not what’s happening? So you’re correct: you don’t understand a word of it.

The OP is cooking for her and her partner to eat after the baby’s arrival, presumably in the evenings once her stepson is in bed and the baby is snoozing on someone’s shoulder/screaming with colic/whatever. Her partner is taking that frozen food and feeding it to his son, instead of cooking for him. Nothing to do with begrudging the kid a meal – but of all the food options in all the world, her partner has to eat the postpartum batch cooking? Come on.

THIS. I don't eat meals at 5pm cause I just get hungry later I prefer to eat at around 7:15, I have an issue with bacteria so I don't want to eat a frozen meal that has been reheated twice hence cooking 2 portions.
OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 07/12/2021 19:04

@gamerchick

You have had a vision into your future life when you move in with this bloke.

Begrudging his kid food doesnt bode well for the future either.

Personally I wouldn't move in with him. I predict shit and misery all round with a baby in the mix and a small child being around a stepmum who doesn't seem to like him much.

That's just going on your post though.

Sorry did you miss the part where he has a fucking father or does his dick prevent him from feeding his own child?

You're judging the wrong person here.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2021 19:04

I don’t understand why are you not going the food and freezing it in your home? Why are you doing it two months in advance in his when you won’t even be living there?

FourTeaFallOut · 07/12/2021 19:05

So, did the kid eat your food or did your dp eat it all? Is he aware that he is sabotaging your plan to eat food during a time your have identified as being more vulnerable to starving yourself? How come he went from chicken nugget Dad to fresh food dad in two pages?

Also, children can and should eat a proper at dinnertime. The body is perfectly capable of processing this even if bedtime follows shortly after.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 07/12/2021 19:05

Oldtiredfedup is spot on.

Tell him you are not happy and ask him to replace them all this week. (By batch cooking them himself). His reaction will give you an insight into what your future holds.

MollysDolly · 07/12/2021 19:06

Why aren't you staying there?

You say, you can't stay because his son is there, and you can't be a babysitter because you're working. This makes no sense.

You're working and unavailable whether you stay with DP, or not. Someone else will be looking after the boy regardless of where you sleep. So why exactly can't you stay there if you are working?

LittleOwl153 · 07/12/2021 19:07

What was his reaction when you told him he was wrong to eat those meals and to stop doing so? That I think is the key question...

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2021 19:07

Agree, so basically you go round his, cook food, thay they aren’t allowed to eat, store it in his freezer then go home again? And it’s not food that will be eaten in his house because you won’t live there?

PooWillyNameChange · 07/12/2021 19:07

Gosh he sounds like a catch... ask him if he's going to replace the food with something home cooked or stump up for a meal delivery service.

hotmeatymilk · 07/12/2021 19:07

I don’t understand why are you not going the food and freezing it in your home? Why are you doing it two months in advance in his when you won’t even be living there?
Perhaps her kitchen and freezer is smaller. Perhaps his house is closer to the home they’re buying so they can transfer the frozen food more easily. As for cooking two months in advance, people do generally batch cook in advance of the newborn rather than after…

ANameChangeAgain · 07/12/2021 19:07

He's taking the piss. Instead if feeding him and his step son the usual crap, he has used up all of the food you have been cleverly organising for when you have your hands full with a newborn.
Do I also understand correctly that you have to play babysitter for his child whilst you wfh?
It sounds like he is a bit woman = cook. Woman = babysit.
I agree with pp that he has shown you the future. Don't move in with him until he shows a drastic change in attitude.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2021 19:08

Have you given him the recipes yet and told him to get on with replacing the meals OP?

If not, just do it now.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2021 19:08

@MollysDolly

Why aren't you staying there?

You say, you can't stay because his son is there, and you can't be a babysitter because you're working. This makes no sense.

You're working and unavailable whether you stay with DP, or not. Someone else will be looking after the boy regardless of where you sleep. So why exactly can't you stay there if you are working?

Exactly. But she goes round spends hours in his kitchen cooking food and not doing it round hers.
user1471541711 · 07/12/2021 19:10

Hot and hearty lol!
I doubt it. You need to cook for 3 regardless. Plus a 3 year old doesn’t eat that much so the portions sound tight as well.
But he can replace them