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To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?
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catmum789 · 07/12/2021 18:25

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

OP's posts:
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me4real · 16/12/2021 11:55

We've been gaslighted into thinking our hormones are the problem

@mathanxiety I agree. It's sexist/dismissive.

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mathanxiety · 16/12/2021 02:01

I see this claptrap about women's hormones running wild during pregnancy all the time.

We've been gaslighted into thinking our hormones are the problem, but the only hormone running wild most of the time is testosterone, and it's responsible for most of the problems besetting our homes and our world today.

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VinnieRose · 16/12/2021 01:35

Yes! Hormones do run wild during pregnancy, which throws our emotions out of sync. As someone has already said, I honestly think that you are seeing into your future as well. I know that you said that you can't stay full time at your partner’s house, as you have to work and can't babysit, I can understand that. I also totally understand you preparing meals for after your baby is born, and you have also prepared meals in the past for your partner’s young child. Young children will rarely eat all their food regardless of how much effort you put into it. Your partner probably can't cook or can't be bothered. I think you really need to think about what you want, and what you want your future to look like. Remember you will have your own biological child, but when you start a relationship with someone who already has a child, you become their parent as well. You need to think about if you are prepared to share the responsibility of looking after your partner’s child. Our hormones do run wild, especially when we are ‘nesting’ just before we give birth. But having said that, what do you really want? That is what you need to think about. I wish you good health with the remainder of your pregnancy, the birth of your child, and post partum

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Oldtiredfedup · 08/12/2021 17:45

The very worst of MN is out and proud in this thread.

OP - please please look after yourself. And please talk to some trusted friends/family about what you are experiencing.

And please, do not give up your job if you decide to stay.

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me4real · 08/12/2021 15:55

Others have probably said this, but as the OP has had anorexia then of course it's better for her to plan/arrange meals as she has, rather than cook on the hoof.

They have to eat certain amounts (probably at certain times) it's part of what they're advised to do as part of their recovery, including used at inpatient units.

If the person cooks as required/desired without a plan, they find it easier to fall back into bad habits- this applies to those who overeat so I imagine it applies to those that undereat, too.
--
Her partner is kind of evil/arseholey though and I don't think she should be with him.

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SugarlumpsesBumpses · 08/12/2021 15:15

He sounds rude and ignorant. Haven't read many of these updates just your OP so sorry if you've updated lots.

You have gone through the effort of making food to make all your lives easier after baby arrives and he has disregarded it.

If his child needs to eat he could make a meal for them could he not? Why does he need to be using you. You aren't his chef or the designated cook for his child. That is his responsibility.

I think it's going to be potentially tough going when baby is here OP, he has given you a glimpse into how inconsiderate he can be. You are pissed off now with this behaviour, consider how you will feel after weeks of no sleep and a small demanding and draining human to care for?! Hard words with 'D'P now or future planning for you is the best course I think.

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candlelightsatdawn · 08/12/2021 15:09

@stayignorant she had this misfortune to mention the her DP has another child from the first family. Also she doesn't belong to the golden uterus crew which means she needs to be nailed to the wall.

The hand wringing and subtle and not so subtle digs are just how second families and SM are treated on here.

It's sad actually because she was clear about how vulnerable she is, what's she's struggling with aka DH being a hideous person, and somehow it got turned into a kick the SM and solely focused on SC eating habits.

Betting some of these people post on social media "my inbox is open if your ever struggling with MH issues" 🤮and "be kind" when they aren't actually able to practice what they preach. Virtue signally at its finest.

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me4real · 08/12/2021 14:22

why would someone who gets pain from standing too long spend hours batch cooking food for a house they don’t even live in when her DP is more than capable of cooking once the baby is here and she will be able to cook without being in pain.

@WonderfulYou The reason why she's cooking now is that she's heard how knackered etc people are when they have a new baby and she thinks it will be harder after the birth than it is now, and this saves her a job after the birth. Of course it might well be harder to cook with a new LO. Makes sense to me.

She’s also brought herself a massive new grudge fridge freezer even though she moving any day now.

You pick on OP for storing stuff in her partner's freezer and then you criticize her for buying a freezer. Grin She can't win.

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stayignorant · 08/12/2021 14:04

@candlelightsatdawn

I'm actually on the floor on some of these comments.

I have the right to be completely vile to a vulnerable person on MN as is my right and stop trying to police my rights to be vile 🤯 report me knowing I haven't used any foul language so my comments remain yes yes we know what your up to 🙄 some of the op of have been sniffing glue and clearly think bullying is ok because the poor Op mentioned she has a SC.
Your not actually being helpful by derailing the thread with helpful comments such as "you clearly hate your SC" and it says more about you as a person than it does the OP.

OP it sounds like your trying to manage a ED which is truly horrific when pregnant at best of times, and trying to look after yourself and the baby. That's to be commended.

Your DH is a 🔔 end and should be replacing the food he's eaten and I would be having a stern word with him. Your not being unreasonable.

Completely agree with everything you said! Why are PPs being told off for defending the OP?! People don't like that their replies are being contradicted and ridiculed because what they said is wrong 😑 and plain bullying. No one is 'policing' here.

I hope that the OP is just taking it in her stride but I can't say it wouldn't upset me reading all these judgemental comments, especially at 33 weeks pregnant.
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timeisnotaline · 08/12/2021 14:02

Oh I missed where he said the op has to pay for the baby on her own. Op, what you really should do is PULL OUT of the house purchase and find somewhere to live immediately, where you can cook your own food without twatface eating it, you will still be paying for yourself but you can also claim cms so he will actually contribute something, and you only have one baby to look after not one baby plus one adult baby but his child. Seriously, you will be well rid of him.

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BeyondOurReef · 08/12/2021 13:57

@youvegottenminuteslynn

He has even said to me that I will have to take all the financial responsibility for baby as he has to pay for DSS, is this normal?

Bearing in mind OP's 'partner' recently said this, people might want to reconsider their position that she is treating DSS poorly.

OP - your partner is a prick. The sheer arrogance of him saying your joint baby is solely your financial responsibility, not his, is ridiculous.

He's saying his existing son should get the support of both parents (true) but your soon to be baby should get the financial support of one parent (ridiculous).

He's an arsehole, the batch cooking is a red herring in a way as you've got much bigger issues at hand. This is indicative though of him viewing the fact your lives will soon change as your problem to deal with.

Yep. He’s an utter arsehole.

If @catmum789 doesn’t move in with him, he’ll be forced to pay for the baby via CMS

He’s not a nice man.
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youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/12/2021 13:18

He has even said to me that I will have to take all the financial responsibility for baby as he has to pay for DSS, is this normal?

Bearing in mind OP's 'partner' recently said this, people might want to reconsider their position that she is treating DSS poorly.

OP - your partner is a prick. The sheer arrogance of him saying your joint baby is solely your financial responsibility, not his, is ridiculous.

He's saying his existing son should get the support of both parents (true) but your soon to be baby should get the financial support of one parent (ridiculous).

He's an arsehole, the batch cooking is a red herring in a way as you've got much bigger issues at hand. This is indicative though of him viewing the fact your lives will soon change as your problem to deal with.

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Feedingthebirds1 · 08/12/2021 13:08

@L0stinCyberspace

There's one thing that doesn't make sense OP. You say your DSS was fussy about food you previously made him and that's why you won't cook for him now.

Why then is he now eating the portions of food you prepared, with his DF?

There's no guarantee that the DS is actually eating it. It may well be that the arsehole of a father is putting it in front of his son and considering that that's the job done, whether he eats it or not.
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candlelightsatdawn · 08/12/2021 12:52

@hotmeatymilk

And this is where the entire arrangement is going to fall apart. You're either a family of four, or 2 families of 2.
No, the arrangement falls apart where the dad is a twat who eats all the postpartum batch cooking – when the OP isn’t even there and she’s the one who cooked it! – where he’s a twat who watches football while his heavily pregnant partner cooks it, where he’s a twat who says the baby is her financial responsibility, where he’s a twat who doesn’t cook for his family of (soon to be) four.

This all of this. Worded beautifully.
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candlelightsatdawn · 08/12/2021 12:49

I'm actually on the floor on some of these comments.

I have the right to be completely vile to a vulnerable person on MN as is my right and stop trying to police my rights to be vile 🤯 report me knowing I haven't used any foul language so my comments remain yes yes we know what your up to 🙄 some of the op of have been sniffing glue and clearly think bullying is ok because the poor Op mentioned she has a SC.
Your not actually being helpful by derailing the thread with helpful comments such as "you clearly hate your SC" and it says more about you as a person than it does the OP.

OP it sounds like your trying to manage a ED which is truly horrific when pregnant at best of times, and trying to look after yourself and the baby. That's to be commended.

Your DH is a 🔔 end and should be replacing the food he's eaten and I would be having a stern word with him. Your not being unreasonable.

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BeyondOurReef · 08/12/2021 12:37

@hotmeatymilk

The OP asked Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from! not “please critique my stepson’s diet, give me advice on meal timings and family meal plans for a four-year-old, tell me how many portions to make to ensure my stepson is adequately fed when I’m not there, and nitpick at whose freezer I’m daring to use”. Reading is everything!

Well exactly.

But she foolishly mentioned the stepson, so clearly his diet is entirely her responsibility.

Looking at a PP’s summary of the situation more generally (presumably gleaned from other threads?), this sounds like an awful situation with a truly dreadful partner. He’s looking out for himself and not looking after the vulnerable young woman he got pregnant. In fact, he is undermining her own efforts to look after herself and the baby. All because he’s too lazy to cook for himself and his son.

Yet, apparently she’s the problem for making extra portions of food for a child she doesn’t live with, has a father who should be doing basic stuff like cooking for him, and who goes to bed before she’ll even be eating the food she’s cooked.

@catmum789 my suggestion would be not to buy a house with this man. Talk to your midwife about the whole situation - and the HV, who can definitely help you avoid getting yourself further entangled in this mess. It’s part of their job. You can claim benefits and have that pay your rent. Your partner can pay you child maintenance. And you can have your own freezer full of single portioned meals for when you want them.
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FOJN · 08/12/2021 12:35

I give up. OP has asked for opinions. They differ. Some people seem to have a huge problem with that.

If the opinions had been confined to the ones asked for I don't think anyone would have an issue but the responses have detoured away from the original question.

Why was the food in DP's freezer?
Why don't you live with DP, is it to avoid his child?
Why are you begrudging a child food?
Why have you bought a big fridge freezer?
You're unreasonable to think DP wouldn't eat the food you prepared.
Your selfishness means the relationship is doomed to fail unless you take greater (than the father) parenting responsibility for a child you don't live with and isn't yours?
This doesn't add up, the child is now eating the food you said they didn't like.

And on and on and on...

Not sure why you're so invested in characterising this as some people just having different opinions. Most who seem to have strong opinions have clearly not even read the thread. Its bullying nothing more.

Perhaps one day women won't feel the need to leap to the defence of shit father's.

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timeisnotaline · 08/12/2021 12:21

The bigger problem is I can’t see where the op is being looked after here. She’s pregnant, and regularly cooking for her dp, and the efforts she’s made to have healthy food for herself after birth have just been sabotaged. Why is he a good guy? When is he going to take care of the woman having his baby? Why wasn’t he hugely apologetic? Will he be cooking fresh healthy food for you when baby is born? You’re not hormonal. It wouldn’t be hormonal to cook some more and put it in the freezer with a big sign on it saying if you’re thinking of stealing food from the pregnant woman who was in pain to stand while cooking this to try and prepare for when OUR baby is born then FUCK OFF.

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hotmeatymilk · 08/12/2021 12:17

The OP asked Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from! not “please critique my stepson’s diet, give me advice on meal timings and family meal plans for a four-year-old, tell me how many portions to make to ensure my stepson is adequately fed when I’m not there, and nitpick at whose freezer I’m daring to use”. Reading is everything!

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tallduckandhandsome · 08/12/2021 12:15

I think people are trying to prevent a pile-on a woman who has struggled with anorexia in the past and who is actively trying to prevent falling back into it.

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Getyourarseofffthequattro · 08/12/2021 12:13

@Viviennemary

I give up. OP has asked for opinions. They differ. Some people seem to have a huge problem with that.

But she's asked for opinions on one specific thing. The faux concern brigade have given her opinions on anything but.
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Viviennemary · 08/12/2021 12:13

I give up. OP has asked for opinions. They differ. Some people seem to have a huge problem with that.

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BeyondOurReef · 08/12/2021 12:11

@Viviennemary

Can people stop policing threads. If you have a complaint then report it to MN.

It’s not policing a thread to point out that the poor OP has fallen foul of the curse of admitting there’s a stepchild.
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hotmeatymilk · 08/12/2021 12:09

The thing is @Viviennemary no one’s breaking talk guidelines so there’s nothing to report, no name calling or trolling; the key posters know exactly what they’re doing (and it’s the same old names) with their faux-concern, head-tilty confusion over which freezer, pretend “I mean this gently” advice on feeding her stepson, etc etc. It’s a velvet-gloved attack designed to elude moderation.

And no one here is policing (aside from perhaps you, telling us not to police): we’re counter-arguing against the Evil Stepmonster Begrudging Her Child Food storyline, debating against the But Children Can Eat Spicy Food derails and Why Are You Buying a New Freezer? distractions, and generally focusing on the key point: the DP is a twat.

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stayignorant · 08/12/2021 11:59

@Viviennemary

Can people stop policing threads. If you have a complaint then report it to MN.

Just sticking up for OP.. at least there are a few nice replies here in amongst all the shitty ones.
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