Page 14 | To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?

catmum789 · 2021-12-07T18:25:38+00:00

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 08/12/2021 07:33

DP is capable of making food for his son

Yes he is of course snd he’s responsible for that but this doesn’t sound like a very blended family because generally stepparents are also responsible.

LefttoherownDevizes · 08/12/2021 07:40

@catmum789 what did he say when you spoke to him about what he's done? How does he purpose to put this right?

It's all very well asking here bit it's his reaction that's key

knittingaddict · 08/12/2021 07:50

@gamerchick

You have had a vision into your future life when you move in with this bloke.

Begrudging his kid food doesnt bode well for the future either.

Personally I wouldn't move in with him. I predict shit and misery all round with a baby in the mix and a small child being around a stepmum who doesn't seem to like him much.

That's just going on your post though.

That's a bit of a stretch, don't you think? If my own child ate food intended for other purposes I would be annoyed too. The op doesn't say that she is annoyed with the child, just her unthinking boyfriend. As she should be.

I do wonder why step parents are sometimes held to a mythical standard that is so far above the ones of actual parents. Hardly seems fair does it?

Just for info I didn't have a step parent and have never been a step parent. It's just an observation of mn posts.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 08/12/2021 07:56

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

DP is capable of making food for his son

Yes he is of course snd he’s responsible for that but this doesn’t sound like a very blended family because generally stepparents are also responsible.

That's a massive generalisation. Not every family is the same and fits your perfect weird little vision.

MissNothing1991 · 08/12/2021 07:59

@catmum789

I am not begrudging a small child for eating the food, I have made food which has spice in and added salt, made for adults!

Where does it say young children can't have spice? My daughter has been eating spicy food since the age of 6 months. And always eats what I eat?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 08/12/2021 08:01

@MissNothing1991 a) op doesn't have children so maybe doesn't know as much as who. B) maybe this particular child doesn't like spice.

Would you be this condescending if she wasn't a step parent?

stayignorant · 08/12/2021 08:18

[quote Getyourarseofffthequattro]@MissNothing1991 a) op doesn't have children so maybe doesn't know as much as who. B) maybe this particular child doesn't like spice.

Would you be this condescending if she wasn't a step parent?[/quote]
I was just about to say exactly the same thing! A lot of people here acting like they're perfect parents giving them the right to put OP down.

hotmeatymilk · 08/12/2021 08:34

If you’re going to cram his freezer for 7 weeks (possibly more) then of course he’s going to eat some 🤷‍♀️
Why “of course”? These are meals for after the baby comes. The baby hasn’t yet come (but might do at 38 weeks, which is why lots of people batch cook ahead of that time… personally I wouldn’t have been physically capable of doing it at 38 weeks and it sounds like the OP won’t be either – and will be moving house, too, so probably wants to manage the cooking separately from the upheaval). Therefore of course he shouldn’t eat it. It’s not hard to look around, see that there’s no newborn, and therefore the postpartum batch cooking isn’t up for grabs yet. 🤷‍♀️

TinyTear · 08/12/2021 08:35

BTW @catmum789 you mentioned salt and spice a bit, but if the son is 3 years old he can eat some salt and spice, it's not as if he is a 1 year old baby...

It's actually good to give some spice and expand the palates...

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 08/12/2021 08:37

@TinyTear

BTW *@catmum789* you mentioned salt and spice a bit, but if the son is 3 years old he can eat some salt and spice, it's not as if he is a 1 year old baby...

It's actually good to give some spice and expand the palates...

Again I'd like to remind you that op doesn't have any children yet.

stayignorant · 08/12/2021 08:48

@TinyTear

BTW *@catmum789* you mentioned salt and spice a bit, but if the son is 3 years old he can eat some salt and spice, it's not as if he is a 1 year old baby...

It's actually good to give some spice and expand the palates...

I'm sure the OP knows this. But the child's diet isn't just her responsibility. The judgement in this thread is unreal.. most people on here have probably had 1 child and now think they're an expert on child nutrition. Anyway this wasn't really the kind of advice that OP was asking for? So it's quite unhelpful really.

HaveringWavering · 08/12/2021 08:48

Is OP even a step mum? She doesn’t even live with the DP yet, it sounds as if she got pregnant in a fairly new relationship, he has said that he doesn’t my want to be financially responsible for their joint baby, it’s not clear if the boy lives full time with his father. She’s Dad’s pregnant girlfriend at best, surely?

It’s a huge stretch and, as someone said upthread, bordering on bullying to go on and on about her responsibilities to parent the man’s child. All to detract from the very simple issue that the twat of a man ate the food she had cooked for after the baby was born. The amount of apologism along the lines of “oh, you can’t expect him not to eat food that you’ve put in his freezer” “it’s your fault for using his freezer” and even “are you sure you TOLD him what the food was for?” is staggering. Staggering.

stayignorant · 08/12/2021 08:50

@HaveringWavering

Is OP even a step mum? She doesn’t even live with the DP yet, it sounds as if she got pregnant in a fairly new relationship, he has said that he doesn’t my want to be financially responsible for their joint baby, it’s not clear if the boy lives full time with his father. She’s Dad’s pregnant girlfriend at best, surely?

It’s a huge stretch and, as someone said upthread, bordering on bullying to go on and on about her responsibilities to parent the man’s child. All to detract from the very simple issue that the twat of a man ate the food she had cooked for after the baby was born. The amount of apologism along the lines of “oh, you can’t expect him not to eat food that you’ve put in his freezer” “it’s your fault for using his freezer” and even “are you sure you TOLD him what the food was for?” is staggering. Staggering.

Exactly this

BlusteringBoobies · 08/12/2021 08:52

@HaveringWavering

Is OP even a step mum? She doesn’t even live with the DP yet, it sounds as if she got pregnant in a fairly new relationship, he has said that he doesn’t my want to be financially responsible for their joint baby, it’s not clear if the boy lives full time with his father. She’s Dad’s pregnant girlfriend at best, surely?

It’s a huge stretch and, as someone said upthread, bordering on bullying to go on and on about her responsibilities to parent the man’s child. All to detract from the very simple issue that the twat of a man ate the food she had cooked for after the baby was born. The amount of apologism along the lines of “oh, you can’t expect him not to eat food that you’ve put in his freezer” “it’s your fault for using his freezer” and even “are you sure you TOLD him what the food was for?” is staggering. Staggering.

Yes!!! This a million times over. And so many comments that the OP apparently 'begrudges' the child food. RTFT!

👏🏻 👏🏻

HaveringWavering · 08/12/2021 09:03

I bet this thread would have gone completely differently if OP had not mentioned that DP was sharing the food with his son. As I said earlier, recent news means people are on hyper-alert for abuse by step parents at the moment, but this thread is most definitely the wrong place for such concerns.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 08/12/2021 09:04

@HaveringWavering

Is OP even a step mum? She doesn’t even live with the DP yet, it sounds as if she got pregnant in a fairly new relationship, he has said that he doesn’t my want to be financially responsible for their joint baby, it’s not clear if the boy lives full time with his father. She’s Dad’s pregnant girlfriend at best, surely?

It’s a huge stretch and, as someone said upthread, bordering on bullying to go on and on about her responsibilities to parent the man’s child. All to detract from the very simple issue that the twat of a man ate the food she had cooked for after the baby was born. The amount of apologism along the lines of “oh, you can’t expect him not to eat food that you’ve put in his freezer” “it’s your fault for using his freezer” and even “are you sure you TOLD him what the food was for?” is staggering. Staggering.

Yes. Everything you just said. Spot on.

Bushkin · 08/12/2021 09:05

Nursery meals are tiny- my DC comes home starving despite 3 proper meals at nursery plus breakfast before he goes

By nursery age salt and spice are much less of an issue, he should be able to eat whatever you are having as a family

There is no reason why a child can’t eat at 6pm before a 7pm bedtime

Your DP is selfish and lazy though, he knew full well that he shouldn’t be eating those meals. Has he assured you he won’t do it again?

MrsIglesias · 08/12/2021 09:08

Unbelievable... He should replace every single one.

Good luck with everything OP, sounds like you're doing as much as you can to be prepared, well done! Ask for the support you need, you're already doing a lot! x

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 08/12/2021 09:12

@Bushkin

Nursery meals are tiny- my DC comes home starving despite 3 proper meals at nursery plus breakfast before he goes

By nursery age salt and spice are much less of an issue, he should be able to eat whatever you are having as a family

There is no reason why a child can’t eat at 6pm before a 7pm bedtime

Your DP is selfish and lazy though, he knew full well that he shouldn’t be eating those meals. Has he assured you he won’t do it again?

Not all nurseries.. mine used to have seconds regularly. I don't think I ever needed to give him a full meal at home after.

Why can't we give advice on the actual issue here rather than picking at op for not feeding a child who isn't hers that she doesn't live with?

Newmumatlast · 08/12/2021 09:16

OP, you can't just not cook a meal for a child because they pick at it or hardly eat anything. That's what kids often do. If you don't still give them a nice meal, they're not going to learn to try new things. Its frustrating but you persist and then eventually bits here and there get eaten of new things. When they dont eat it, you box it up and give them bits the next day then throw whatever isn't eaten then or eat it yourself. You will get a rude awakening with your own child if you don't appreciate that now.

I do think your partner shouldn't have eaten the food. But you should've made a mini portion for your stepson too. Who ever is cooking in my view should cook for everyone in the family. He is in your family. Bringing a child into a situation where their brother is seen as only their Dad's responsibility to feed isn't going to be a great environment for your own kid.

TinyTear · 08/12/2021 09:16

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

Again I'd like to remind you that op doesn't have any children yet.

Yes I understand and I didn't put the boot on the OP, I am just trying to explain that for a 3/4 year old some salt and spice is actually good.

by all means no salt until they are 1 or 2 years old... I was totally PFB with my now 10 year old, but I am just trying to say she shouln;t feel bad for the salt and spice as she seemed to think that would harm her stepson

I think the OP is being sensible (I wish I had batch cooked) and I agree the DP needs to replace some of the foods.

Newmumatlast · 08/12/2021 09:20

@HaveringWavering

Is OP even a step mum? She doesn’t even live with the DP yet, it sounds as if she got pregnant in a fairly new relationship, he has said that he doesn’t my want to be financially responsible for their joint baby, it’s not clear if the boy lives full time with his father. She’s Dad’s pregnant girlfriend at best, surely?

It’s a huge stretch and, as someone said upthread, bordering on bullying to go on and on about her responsibilities to parent the man’s child. All to detract from the very simple issue that the twat of a man ate the food she had cooked for after the baby was born. The amount of apologism along the lines of “oh, you can’t expect him not to eat food that you’ve put in his freezer” “it’s your fault for using his freezer” and even “are you sure you TOLD him what the food was for?” is staggering. Staggering.

To be honest in my view (as a step mum) you don't go into a relationship with someone who has a child without being committed to the child too from the outset otherwise don't bother. And especially do not have a child with them. I dont think it's bullying to comment on her statements regarding food for the child when it's part of what she is saying.

However, I absolutely agree that it is 100% her partner's fault for eating the food. He shouldn't have done so irrespective of how many portions she made and for whom. The purpose of the food was made clear. He should cook and replace it. That he ate it knowing what it was for is extremely disrespectful to OP and indicative of who he is as a person. Red flag for me - my husband wouldnt have dreamt of doing this.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 08/12/2021 09:21

@Newmumatlast

OP, you can't just not cook a meal for a child because they pick at it or hardly eat anything. That's what kids often do. If you don't still give them a nice meal, they're not going to learn to try new things. Its frustrating but you persist and then eventually bits here and there get eaten of new things. When they dont eat it, you box it up and give them bits the next day then throw whatever isn't eaten then or eat it yourself. You will get a rude awakening with your own child if you don't appreciate that now.

I do think your partner shouldn't have eaten the food. But you should've made a mini portion for your stepson too. Who ever is cooking in my view should cook for everyone in the family. He is in your family. Bringing a child into a situation where their brother is seen as only their Dad's responsibility to feed isn't going to be a great environment for your own kid.

Christ.

So ops responsible for the child eating a good range of foods now too?

It won't be a rude awakening when she has her child because it will be her child and her responsibility. This is not.

stayignorant · 08/12/2021 09:24

@Newmumatlast

OP, you can't just not cook a meal for a child because they pick at it or hardly eat anything. That's what kids often do. If you don't still give them a nice meal, they're not going to learn to try new things. Its frustrating but you persist and then eventually bits here and there get eaten of new things. When they dont eat it, you box it up and give them bits the next day then throw whatever isn't eaten then or eat it yourself. You will get a rude awakening with your own child if you don't appreciate that now.

I do think your partner shouldn't have eaten the food. But you should've made a mini portion for your stepson too. Who ever is cooking in my view should cook for everyone in the family. He is in your family. Bringing a child into a situation where their brother is seen as only their Dad's responsibility to feed isn't going to be a great environment for your own kid.

I can't believe people are still going on about this??? Seriously

OP wasn't asking for advice on what to feed her boyfriend's son. Also it's not just her responsibility, especially as they don't live together.

stayignorant · 08/12/2021 09:26

So much mum shaming here when OP doesn't even live with her boyfriend and his kid. OP hasn't even had her own child yet and she's already being judged as a parent.