To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?

[catmum789]

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

Bringing a child into a situation where their brother is seen as only their Dad's responsibility to feed isn't going to be a great environment for your own kid.
She’s not doing that, though. Try reading all of her posts before responding.

Did everyone on this thread slam the empty freezer door on their head?

There's one thing that doesn't make sense OP. You say your DSS was fussy about food you previously made him and that's why you won't cook for him now.

Why then is he now eating the portions of food you prepared, with his DF?

@L0stinCyberspace

There's one thing that doesn't make sense OP. You say your DSS was fussy about food you previously made him and that's why you won't cook for him now.

Why then is he now eating the portions of food you prepared, with his DF?

Have you ever met a child?

Mine eats things at school he won't eat at home. He eats things my mum makes him he wouldn't eat with me and vice versa!

I agree.

OP could have just said her DP was eating meals she had prepared for postpartum and not included DSS.

@Flyingsunflower

I agree.

OP could have just said her DP was eating meals she had prepared for postpartum and not included DSS.

But why should she have to leave that out of the story? It's not her fault that people on here go batshit crazy when stepchildren are involved. It probably didn't cross her mind that people would pile on her like this just because she mentioned that. I feel sorry for her having to read all of these replies.

Why then is he now eating the portions of food you prepared, with his DF?
I’ll let DD answer this one: “I want mashed potato… I HATE IT. Why did you take it away, that mine, give it back… no, YUCK.”

The child is not a Machiavellian genius and the OP hasn’t got her story wrong. He’s four and sometimes eats things and sometimes doesn’t. He’s also largely irrelevant to the point which is HER PARTNER ATE FOOD SHE SPECIFICALLY MADE FOR POST PARTUM AAAAAAAAARGH

I can't believe people have managed to turn this thread into the whole tired evil stepmum thing .

OP's DP is being totally out of order to eat this food, especially knowing her history with an eating disorder. He is capable of cooking food for himself and his child, as he would have done had this food not been in his freezer!

A heavily pregnant women has spent hours making this food for a specific reason, I'd be livid if my DP did this. So, so selfish.

@catmum789 some of the responses here are shocking . You really don't need to explain yourself and your family / work situation to a bunch of internet mummy bullies.
I'm sorry that you have been made out to be the uncaring wicked stepmother when you simply asked for advice regarding food.

This thread is bonkers.

I cooked separate food for my two for years, they needed to eat at 5 and it was easier to knock something up for them and then we could eat something spicey or different to them. Loads of families do, pretty much everyone I know did this when kids are young.

OP your DP has been a dick to eat food you have prepared for another time. Just tell him to stop eating it. And he can replace it or buy in some nice meals to put in the freezer, or he can cook it when you need it.

I feel like people on this thread are also being shockingly ignorant over what a serious and difficult illness anorexia is to manage.

It is absolutely amazing that OP has thought ahead and gone out of her way to prepare food in order to stave off falling back into old habits. Her DP is being supremely selfish and thoughtless to eat that food out of laziness when he should know how important it is for OP to stay on track, particularly after giving birth when it would be easy for her to avoid meals/hide food restriction.

My best friend suffers from anorexia too and I would be absolutely fuming if her DP had done this to her after she had made the effort to identify an issue and act ahead of time to avoid it.

I don't think YABU unreasonable at all! You're not begrudging a small child food. You're begrudging your "partner" using your batch cooked meals instead of cooking himself!

@L0stinCyberspace

There's one thing that doesn't make sense OP. You say your DSS was fussy about food you previously made him and that's why you won't cook for him now.

Why then is he now eating the portions of food you prepared, with his DF?

She said earlier that the DP was adding things like garlic bread and pasta to DSS's portion. She's not there so who's to say he's finishing the lot? My DD would head straight for the garlic bread!

The DP on the other hand gets himself a nice large helping, and sorts out a dinner with the minimum amount of effort possible. OP, who has put in all the effort, gets fuck all, but for some on here that's ok, because how dare she consider her own health and plan accordingly when DDS is clearly starving. All her efforts should go on him, yes there's a fridge full of other food but we all know what how impossible it is to cook from scratch when you have a penis, so she must be in the wrong

She also MUST be expected to provide entertainment for him, even if it means dropping her work. If she can't drop her work she can't take calls of a sensitive nature where he can hear so she'll have to stay at her place. But then she won't be spending any time with him, oh what a clearly evil stepmum, who will take care of him while she's selfishly earning a living? Not that lazy feck of a dad, surely?

Nope, it's all her responsibility now. She needs to stop thinking about her pregnancy and her career, and bugger the eating disorder too, the heartless witch.

By the way that was sarcasm, and it astounds me the way some women will rip another woman to pieces on here the second a stepchild is mentioned.

OP, he needs to replace those meals. I have a feeling you were making them because you know the lazy sod wouldn't cook the dinner post partum and you'd be expected to do it all while he sat on his arse. Have a serious think about spending your life with a man like that

"DPs responsibility to feed his son"

And this is where the entire arrangement is going to fall apart. You're either a family of four, or 2 families of 2.

@LouiseLaChain

"DPs responsibility to feed his son"

And this is where the entire arrangement is going to fall apart. You're either a family of four, or 2 families of 2.

How can it be two families of two?

Are you forgetting that the dp has two children and op only has one?

Or can dad discard his responsibility for his second child because the first is more important?

And this is where the entire arrangement is going to fall apart. You're either a family of four, or 2 families of 2.
No, the arrangement falls apart where the dad is a twat who eats all the postpartum batch cooking – when the OP isn’t even there and she’s the one who cooked it! – where he’s a twat who watches football while his heavily pregnant partner cooks it, where he’s a twat who says the baby is her financial responsibility, where he’s a twat who doesn’t cook for his family of (soon to be) four.

I'm sorry all your hard work & efforts has disappeared but I think you and DP need to start working on communication and discuss what will your family look like when you move all together in the new home. It feels the issue is bigger than frozen meals for 2 eaten whilst you are not there ... With a new baby and a small child you will all have to find your way towards a new routine, responsibilities and balance. Cooking for 3 when there will be 3 of you eating is a start; discuss remits and boundaries, discuss parenting for both children. Communication is key in a relationship, open up to your partner about your feelings and let him in. If you understand each other better the journey through parenthood will be so much easier, you are on the same team.

@Regina70

I'm sorry all your hard work & efforts has disappeared but I think you and DP need to start working on communication and discuss what will your family look like when you move all together in the new home. It feels the issue is bigger than frozen meals for 2 eaten whilst you are not there ... With a new baby and a small child you will all have to find your way towards a new routine, responsibilities and balance. Cooking for 3 when there will be 3 of you eating is a start; discuss remits and boundaries, discuss parenting for both children. Communication is key in a relationship, open up to your partner about your feelings and let him in. If you understand each other better the journey through parenthood will be so much easier, you are on the same team.

Theyre clearly not though are they? He doesn't want to take financial responsibility for the baby.

How can it be two families of two?

Because the father is making it very much, him and the prodigal firstborn, and his second child isn't his responsibility. Hence him and the boy. And OP and the baby.

Are you forgetting that the dp has two children and op only has one?

No, that's just you, and the father doing that.

Or can dad discard his responsibility for his second child because the first is more important?

But he's not though is he. He's already taking from OP for him and his son, no regard to her and his child she's carrying.

Wow the irony that you're trying to paint OP as the one dismissing a child (that isn't hers) for the reality that the father is dismissing one that is his. Whatever your own scenario and feelings are, re your own ex, are projected so loudly. You clearly see OPs child as a second class citizen. Just to be treated as an equal to the first child, is unacceptable. It's alllll about the "more important" firstborn.

He is lazy. It's easier to defrost something you have cooked then actually make him and his son a meal. it's the laziness that doesn't bode well, not the fact that you can cook. It isn't your job to feed you partner but it is his job to feed his son. I would have made some food for the child because you were cooking anyway and he us your stepchild. Your kid might well be fussy too, lots are. I don't think this is going to work, he sounds selfish and the his kid , my kid thing isn't sounding very harmonious for a blended family. My kids don't always eat what I cook, doesn't mean I stop cooking for them, rather I tailor meals to make sure they are getting a variety of things they will eat and enough, carbs, protein and veg etc.

For now speak to him call him out on his laziness and ask him to replace the meals. If he doesn't or minimises it, don't move in with him.

@MollysDolly

How can it be two families of two?

Because the father is making it very much, him and the prodigal firstborn, and his second child isn't his responsibility. Hence him and the boy. And OP and the baby.

Are you forgetting that the dp has two children and op only has one?

No, that's just you, and the father doing that.

Or can dad discard his responsibility for his second child because the first is more important?

But he's not though is he. He's already taking from OP for him and his son, no regard to her and his child she's carrying.

Wow the irony that you're trying to paint OP as the one dismissing a child (that isn't hers) for the reality that the father is dismissing one that is his. Whatever your own scenario and feelings are, re your own ex, are projected so loudly. You clearly see OPs child as a second class citizen. Just to be treated as an equal to the first child, is unacceptable. It's alllll about the "more important" firstborn.

You've got me completely wrong there - we are agreeing

[quote christmaspavlova]@catmum789 some of the responses here are shocking . You really don't need to explain yourself and your family / work situation to a bunch of internet mummy bullies.
I'm sorry that you have been made out to be the uncaring wicked stepmother when you simply asked for advice regarding food.[/quote]
I agree.

Some people see a stepchild in a post and just decide the OP is awful on that basis. And must be in the wrong.

It couldn’t possibly be a problem with the child’s father. Nope.

I think you've had some shitty replies.
Lots of parents eat later than their kids because they might fancy different food or want to eat later.
Just a note- spice won't make a child ill. Mine had black pepper, garlic etc in their meals pretty early on.

Always eat separately to my toddler, DP gets hungry later if we eat at a toddler-suitable time!

He needs to batch cook suitable replacements or buy suitable replacements, such as Allplants or another ready meal service.

@Catmum789:

I get told I'm hormonal all of the time and don't have any friends or family to talk to

Can you talk to the family you live with at all? What do they think about him? I agree with PP who said to talk to others to help you get some perspective about your current situation.

It is great that you've taken steps to address your ED and are thinking about how to manage it after the birth but the overall situation you're in doesn't sound great.

I think that the number of posters who are attacking a vulnerable pregnant woman on this thread should be ashamed of themselves. She isn't the stepmother as somebody pointed out - she's just the dad's pregnant girlfriend who doesn't even live there. Even if she was the stepmother, the stepchild would be her husband's responsibility.

She cooked some food to make it a bit easier when the baby is born when she wasn't feeling well while he watched football. Her selfish DP who knew what the food was for just scoffed the lot because it was easier for him to do so than put a meal together for himself and his son. The DP has no intention of replacing that food. Somehow, the OP is now seen as grudging food to the toddler.

To top it off, her partner is saying that the baby is going to be her total financial responsibility because he is going to be supporting the toddler.