To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?

[catmum789]

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

@Flyingsunflower

You just can't store cooked meals in his freezer and expect no one to eat it. If I was you I would start storing the meals in a freezer at your house.

Since you have mentioned you portioned the meal for 2 what were you planning to feed DSS when he was at his dad's after the baby comes or he will be banned from coming until you have bonded with your baby?

You have decided to start a family with this man so start making meals for 3 and stop making excuses or you can find a few meals that Dss would eat and prep it for him?

Good grief.

Of course you can leave meals in your partner's freezer and expect him not to eat them.

As for the rest...

Since you have mentioned you portioned the meal for 2 what were you planning to feed DSS when he was at his dad's after the baby comes or he will be banned from coming until you have bonded with your baby?

^ this is exactly it!!! Exactly.

@4pmwinetimebebeh

I know I’ll get flamed for this but having a baby when you sort of live together, live apart 3 days, have a stepson that’s not included in the food planning etc sounds like a recipe for disaster from the start.

The 'I have no family or friends' sent absolute chills too. Terribly vulnerable position to be in with a man that doesn't respect you at 30+ weeks pregnant.

What was his response OP? Did he call you hormonal? He doesn’t sound like a very nice man

Even Stevie Wonder could see this will end in tears

He doesn’t cook, doesn’t care about your health, sits on his arse while you cook, and tells you you’re ‘hormonal’ (after he impregnated you). Yikes. Bad, bad idea to buy a house with this boyfriend. :(

Thanks for all of your nice comments, it really means a lot.

Buying a house was the cheapest option for us, we were looking at renting but it's much more expensive than buying by £1000 more a month more expensive. We have separate finances and have got an agreement with the solicitors think it's called a deceleration of trust so if it does go tits up we get our money back but honestly buying somewhere was our only option, I wanted to get somewhere on my own with baby and take things slow but I couldn't afford it by a long shot and cause I have no support from anyone (my dads in the process of moving to Vietnam) this was the best choice, not ideal but the best option, these things happen in life.

DP is a good guy, he has helped me so much with everything but he just doesn't think sometimes cause he has been used to living on his own for so long.

My therapist has suggested that I should cook all of my own food as it's a way to form a positive relationship with food hence why I did the cooking for PP, I've said to DP now that if he wants to have pre made meals for himself and son he needs to do it himself. I don't want to be responsible.

I'm no longer going to batch cook any meals I've learnt my lesson and I cannot batch cook where I am at the moment as I am staying temporarily with family members while the sale is going through an they're doing me a massive favour by letting me stay. I will just make do with what I have at the time haha, sure it will work out.

Thank you again for your kind words and opinions, and to the people who say I begrudge my partners son I really do not I want the best for him but he does have 3 meals a day at nursery and then something when he gets back but it's not my responsibility to cater for him also it's his dads responsibility. - I do cook at weekends for everyone.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Also think it's idiotic to call the OP out saying she's 'begrudging' his kid.. how ridiculous.. she's not saying the kid should starve is she.. he just shouldn't be eating the meals she lovingly prepared for a time when she'll need them.. of course not his fault, your DP should have made him something else to eat. How does mumsnet always go from 0 to 100 especially where there's stepchildren involved?!

People are getting at the fact he wasn’t included in the Batch cooking plan. OP cooked for 2, not 3. How is that ok?

Completely steering away from the point of the original post! Maybe he's a fussy eater? Maybe they prefer to feed him different things to what they eat? But anyway, why does it matter? The OP didn't post to be judged on her abilities as a stepmother.

@Booklover3

What was his response OP? Did he call you hormonal? He doesn’t sound like a very nice man

He didn't call me hormonal, my dad did apparently when you get to late pregnancy you can't think properly

@Wbfa

Since you have mentioned you portioned the meal for 2 what were you planning to feed DSS when he was at his dad's after the baby comes or he will be banned from coming until you have bonded with your baby?

^ this is exactly it!!! Exactly.

Not that at all.. we eat at different times, he already has 3 meals a day at nursery, DP is capable of making food for his son.

I think your disordered eating is at play here in thinking the child shouldn't eat dinner because he already had lunch at daycare.

Kids who eat at daycare still eat dinner with their families.

It seems too that you don't see the son as part of the family - so you aren't considering him in meal planning. To you, it is you and DP and you are happy to cook meals for the two of you but not preparing food for the child.

I don't think your intentions are bad but I think you need to really work with a therapist because the idea that a child shouldn't have dinner and shouldn't eat with the adults doesn't stem from a healthy place.

@Wbfa

Since you have mentioned you portioned the meal for 2 what were you planning to feed DSS when he was at his dad's after the baby comes or he will be banned from coming until you have bonded with your baby?

^ this is exactly it!!! Exactly.

This is almost bullying here. Why is OP being interrogated?? Stop judging when you don't know the full story. The original question was whether she was being unreasonable about her DP eating the food she made... how can you then assume that she's not feeding her SS properly? It's also not just her responsibility to do that.

I hope you're ok OP, some of these replies are brutal

OP, how many times, on how many threads will we need to tell you that this man is BAD NEWS before you start to see it?

Wishing you the best of luck. You are plenty capable of doing this on your own.

My glutton XH ate all my batch cooking too.

I had HG every single fucking day until my C section and couldn't stand being near food and the smells, and then I had (and still have) SPD/PGP from 9 weeks! I couldn't walk on shiny surfaces because I did the splits every few steps and my pelvis snapped in the most painful, grinding ways possible.

What's worse is he ate 2 people's portions, and then snacked on stinky, nauseating foods too which made me more sick.

Medication wasn't helping.

And then I had PPD/PPA/PPP and couldn't even cook for the year after birth until the help I was getting started working so because he didn't replace my batch cooking, or offer to cook at all, it was takeaways every night.

So we both whacked weight on too and nothing was ever nutritious so it just made my PP issues worse!

So yes OP he's being very fucking unreasonable and you need to address this straight away.

I'm mad for you.

@Midlifemusings

I think your disordered eating is at play here in thinking the child shouldn't eat dinner because he already had lunch at daycare.

Kids who eat at daycare still eat dinner with their families.

It seems too that you don't see the son as part of the family - so you aren't considering him in meal planning. To you, it is you and DP and you are happy to cook meals for the two of you but not preparing food for the child.

I don't think your intentions are bad but I think you need to really work with a therapist because the idea that a child shouldn't have dinner and shouldn't eat with the adults doesn't stem from a healthy place.

Sounds like you just made a story up in your head? Just because she didn't batch cook for him doesn't mean she's restricting his food intake.. and then you link that with her eating disorder? Wow just wow 😯 did anyone not just stop to think.... maybe they just like to eat different things?

@stayignorant

No, nothing to do with the batch cooking. I am responding the comments she made about how he ate at nursery and doesn't need to eat again and how he shouldn't be eating a meal before bed (after getting home from nursery at 5). The child is eating meals after nursery and clearly is hungry - and my response was to her comments that she doesn't think this is right or necessary.

Good luck Op.
I hope it all works out for you and the new baby of course! X

I think anyone would be annoyed if they cooked food for a specific time and someone ate it before that time. Of course you are not being unreasonable.

I've been there with the sciatica and anaemia in pregnancy. It's really tough.

Does your partner cook for you at all?

I recently bought an Instant Pot and it came with a recipe book. Even my 12-year-old son has been cooking things like curry and stew in it. Maybe your partner could give it a whirl? The IP is really easy because you don't have to stand in front of the stove, just throw in all the ingredients and push a button.

@catmum789 I can completely understand your annoyance at having made food for after you've given birth and had it eaten now. Your history with food does play a big part in why this is all so important and I would be very disappointed in a partner who presumably knows why you cooked and ate it anyway. The wasted fresh food would also bother me massively.

Many children are fussy and thinking there's no way your own child will be is living in cuckoo land - that jumps out at me from your post. You can't take it personally and whilst yes it's his Dad's responsibility to feed him you need to come up with a better plan for the future to make sure everything works smoothly food wise. If you are better off eating food you have made yourself you won't be able to stand by DP's responsibility to feed his son because it won't work long term.

Food at nursery is generally very small. You will find this out yourself if your DC goes. They eat lunch before 12 and 'tea' is usually before 4pm. Most children need food after nursery.

You need to establish if DP's son actually ate any of the food or if DP ate what was meant for 2. A problem solved if DSS actually ate the food.

I wonder if some people can read. The OP has said that when she is there she cooks a separate less salted healthy meal for the toddler. There is no suggestion that the toddler is food deprived because of OP and it seems his father, you know the one responsible for the toddler and who lives with the toddler, feeds him nothing but junk food when left to his own devices.

Shockingly I sometimes freeze food for three people when I have a husband and two children. One of my adult children is a vegetarian and cooks his own food. He does not feel food deprived.

I will admit I am currently pregnant and no children yet so not fully up to date on eating routines of children etc.

But I will say I have already signed up to nursery; and they offer 8am-6pm three full meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and two snacks (elevenses and afternoon tea). So perhaps OP is in this kind of full day care and not just a lunch and snack kind of arrangement.

That aside if the child is asleep at 7 and this food is to be eaten later then not sure how cooking a 2 person meal is begruding the child. Sounds to me like the DP cba to cook anything at all so just reheats OPs batch meal once in order to eat early giving some to his son.

So in that case YANBU OP and he sounds like a lazy sod.

@Midlifemusings Ok fair enough.. though I don't really think it's fair to link that to her eating disorder. People are really acting like she's restricting his food intake which is just ridiculous! And not at all helpful for the OP who was just asking for some advice.

Please stop and have a rethink before giving up your home OP What sort of fractured family life are the two of you going to create? You and baby vs dp and son? That's a recipe for disaster.

Hi @catmum789 I just wanted to congratulate you on doing so well with your recovery and carrying on with such sensible ideas, plans and actions to improve and maintain your health. Well done!

Keep an eye out for your DP taking the piss a bit like he's doing now. You seem like you can be assertive, so don't put up with any cheeky-fuckeriness that might go on.

You have to care for your own health ad well being, especially as you've been so poorly in the past and having a little one is quite challenging by all accounts.

Again, well done!

[quote Midlifemusings]@stayignorant

No, nothing to do with the batch cooking. I am responding the comments she made about how he ate at nursery and doesn't need to eat again and how he shouldn't be eating a meal before bed (after getting home from nursery at 5). The child is eating meals after nursery and clearly is hungry - and my response was to her comments that she doesn't think this is right or necessary.[/quote]
That's all beside the point.

She's doing something to make life easier after the baby comes, and he's thoughtlessly sabotaging that. Period.