'They've got their own lives' and other stock phrases

[saywhatagain]

I'm an adult social worker and I hear words to the tune of 'X never visits/helps because they have their own lives' many times a month.

Another popular one is 'I've worked all my life and now I have to pay, but if I'd sat on my arse my whole life / was an immigrant (etc) I'd get it all for free'.

Or another popular one, 'the GP gave me your number as my mother/father/aunt (etc) needs to go into a care home right NOW' - and 9/10 times it's a either health need not a social one or the person is nowhere near care home ready.

Tell me yours for your job, make me feel better about the Groundhog Day that my job is at the moment?

I've never been a social worker nor worked in any of the care professions but two of those phrases are ones I commonly heard during my own working life.

They are far from exclusive to care work- I've heard them down the pub many times as well.

I don't see the problem with the post. It's extremely likely that the SW knows whether the children are visiting/not visiting regularly whatever the service user says. No judgement implied.

Take it to clinical supervision, op, and have a good hard look at yourself.

Personally I'd be interested in how much clinical supervision OP actually got.

Under the lesson learned category, the lack of case supervision let alone clinical supervision is a regular feature of serious case reviews.

This is usually as a result of lack of mangers and lack of time due to oversized case loads.

I never received any clinical supervision as a children's social worker and it would have been very valuable. I did receive case supervision but it was too erratic at times.

Retail while working Boxing Day. 'Oh it's such a shame you have to work!' Yes it is but if you didn't come in to buy stuff I wouldn't have to!!

@ClumpingBambooIsALie

I had a builder round my house doing some work for me for a few days recently.

Name was Robert.

I restrained myself and am very proud.

Me “Could you possibly support my client with xyz”
Social worker “sorry no, that’s not my responsibility”
Me “ok, how about abc?”
Social worker “sorry no, that’s not my responsibility”
Me “ok, what about…….”
You get the drift

@LightDrizzle off topic but for someone who was excluded from school, and doesn't have GCSEs at age 23, are there any other ways to get qualifications/work skills other than through adult education courses/as a private candidate. When i looked up adult education courses, they are all at the college that she spent 2-3 years out there and had a bad experience (+ ended up with no gcses). Her mum is paying for her private exams, but she keeps failing.

She has been to a tuition school too before she attended the adult education college, but I think they kicked her out too. She doesn't respond well to authority/is possibly neurodivergent (mumsnet diagnosis).

In your experience, would she do better through the Open University or some sort of online course? I don't think you need GCSEs for that? Or would an apprenticeship suffice, but i think you need GCSEs too? Would volunteering help (could this ever lead to a job that would build confidence?).

@LightDrizzle thank you

It's client information. It can't be shared without informed consent. Whether it's anonymised or not.It's that simple

If it was coming from one source then that would be the case, but this isn't. To say a lot of my clients say ....... is not breaching confidentiality.

I worked in a similar field to SW and often liaised with them. Obviously was also bound by confidentiality rules

@minipie

I understand the point you’re making flyme but I really don’t think the OP’s post looks sneering about her clients nor does it put SW into disrepute. She’s just having a gentle moan.

Nobody expects SW, or anyone else in a caring job, to think all the people they help are perfect and not get sick of the same old phrases and excuses.

This is missing the point. No one thinks that a SW will slag them off when they are vulnerable. It isn't about wanting the SW to think you, one, is perfect .

@RobotValkyrie

Similarly, if I heard someone else moaning about their job in a public place

But OP wasn't moaning. She has also said that she expected this post to be lighthearted. Most people have taken OP's comments in the spirit that they were intended.

In a bank people always go I have been banking hee for 25 years

Hi Hamster, I’m afraid I’ve been off the wheel for 4 years so possibly too out of touch to be of help. I’m particularly ignorant about online courses and I hope someone else can advise there as I imagine there are indeed good options now.
I’m sorry your daughter’s experience of college was poor. Unfortunately because many post-compulsory education classes in English and Maths have a higher than average proportion of students with additional needs or challenging behaviour; it makes maintaining a calm, engaging and rewarding classroom quite challenging in turn for the teacher.

Does she struggle to retain information? If so she might find Level 2 English and Maths courses suit her better (formerly Skills for Life). Students are tested formally in class in exam conditions but it is broken down into units and tests are more frequent so it is less stressful and students are not being examined in May on on things they studied in September.
Level 2 qualifications are equivalent to GCSEs.
Volunteering would definitely help.
Has she ever been assessed by an Ed Psch or other for additional educational needs? So many of our students had somehow passed through school without additional needs being picked up and we had our own in college assessor.
Identifying what her end goal is and working back from that is key. She has to want it and see and believe in the path to get there.
It isn’t too late. When you miss the opportunity school represents to most of us it is often a harder scramble but I know of so many people who have gone on to rewarding jobs and lives after a chaotic start.

Argh!!!
The above was for @onlychildhamster

I love how flyme has managed to hijack a thread (20 pages later). I wonder if they have used any of those statements or are otherwise on the receiving end of SW.

If not, its fair to say that a lot of the people who come out with stuff don't ever recognise themselves as they don't see themselves as falling into that category. Everyone has a reason or what they see as a valid need for whatever.

@gukvguk

No job related but as a vegan I get- Where do you get your protein from? I could never give up cheese! Can you eat fish? What do you eat then?

I became a vegetarian in the 80's and had exactly the same comments for decades. except replace 'cheese' with bacon. In the last few years, as veganism has become more common (I guess), those comments have stopped altogether. Guess we are so mainstream now we aren't worth bothering about?

You may not think you are betraying a confidence given that you hear these statements many times over. However, one or more people may identify themselves from what you say.

@LightDrizzle thank you. Unfortunately, she is not my daughter, i am just a concerned close relative. I think skills for life is a good idea; but i think the hard part is determining her life path. I think she wants to be a writer, and she already earns some money doing this online (using patreon which works on a subscription model). It is at most a few hundred pounds a month

But the problem with this is that it is likely not to earn enough for her to be independent. I could be wrong about this, but it is like being an influencer- the vast majority don't earn enough to support themselves from that alone. Also unlike other people, she doesn't have any other qualifications or vocations so its quite different from a teacher quitting her job to write. I have another friend who also writes full time but he also has work experience/a degree from night school and is likely to be able to find a job if he needs one.

Have you ever encountered anyone similar? I am no expert but I don't think she is intellectually challenged. her problem is that she doesn't really want to do what people ask of her, and so doesn't work and then of course, doesn't succeed in the exam.

I empathise with the HCPs here. I work in public transport and the common answer to, "Where's your ticket/pass?" is also "wotitwosrite...." Every time. You know BS is coming your way.

Another one is, "I swear I'm 15" so you ask for their date of birth and you can see them trying to count back.

@DillDanding

Local government - 'I pay your wages.'

No, you don't. Fuck off.

I get this too. Technically true, but annoying nonetheless.

@Skyll

OP hasn't said she was pissed off or doesn't treat her clients as individuals. She said these are the phrases she hear a lot. I'm sure she uses her judgement in every case.

She has said that she intended this to be a lighthearted post about common phrases heard in various careers

She clearly has no understanding of what it’s like to be on the other side of her trite dismissal of “they have their own lives”. Maybe she should try it sometime.

Ever heard people working in a shop bitching about (other) customers on the shop floor? It doesn't give an impression you are respected. There is no particular confidentiality or identity restraints for most businesses such as this, yet most retail staff codes of conduct I've seen ask that workers don't do this as it's unprofessional - even though understandable in many cases.

Surely 99 percent of those who are in a position to be seeking support from the social care structure are not just people, but vulnerable people who would rather not be in that position. This strikes me as the side with the power and the training taking the piss out of their experiences a little bit, whether either side is anonymous or hypothetical or whatever.

In my old career, I often heard "But I just want you to stick it back on" far more than anyone should have to. The job was literally never to just stick anything back on

My mind is literally boggling. What the hell was your job @Snugglepumpkin?

Shame there is no aubergine emoji here, as that's where my brain is going

I have worked as a social worker and heard the expression " they have their own lives" in my own family.

It is a very frequently used expression and older people receiving some kind of care is also common so many social workers will have experience on both sides of that fence.

Some posters are implying judgement when OP didn't make any.

In our case the lady in the care home had dementia and would regularly forget if she had seen family the same day. Everyone who mattered in her case knew this.
When she was in hospital hcps might not realize straight away but it didn't matter.
Looking for validation from strangers isn't particularly healthy or helpful.

[quote RedWingBoots]@flymetotheloon give yourself a shake.

Pre-Covid I did various volunteer roles. With one organisation I often heard the first phrase when I asked about family members helping them out. Luckily quite a few of the people I helped had young neighbours who could and would help them if asked.

I also know people who work in other jobs that aren't social work quote the last two phrases when talking about some of their clients/customers.[/quote]
Yup. Social care sector here. The amount of clients who’s families are ‘too busy to help them’ is shockingly depressing.