To give up house to get a house for my kids

[NoNameHere12]

Hi,

Me and DH have just split after 16 years. We are not married (yes I know I’m a mug).
We have a mortgage on the house, both names. There is 170k equity.

That gives me 85k. I have 2 children. I won’t be eligible to buy somehwere for the 3 of us with that deposit as I don’t have an income, and I’m in the south east, so wouldn’t even get me a studio flat.

As I’d have 85k I wouldn’t get help with being housed. It’s not enough to buy somehwere, but too much to be entitled to help.

Aibu to think I Would I be better off giving him my half (that will go to our kids when he dies) so that I can get help with being housed, I feel stuffed either way.

I note the OP is not married so this is more for the benefit of those who have replied. For the OP - because you are not married, you cannot get a Mesher Order. However, you might be able to remain in the property until your youngest turns 18 under Schedule 1 of the Children's Act 1989. However, I think you would have to prove you would be otherwise homeless rather than underhoused in the circumstances which is a higher test. Speak to a solicitor.

Mesher Orders like spousal maintenance are heavily dependent on the individual circumstances of the case so the advice you will receive here - unless from a solicitor or barrister - might be tainted by the experiences of those replying. I'm not a lawyer either so I can't tell you the outcome but I can tell you some key things to consider partly to understand the law and partly to put yourself in the best position long term.

1. Children. No children, no Mesher;

2. Equity. If there isn't much and the applying party cannot get a big enough mortgage to buy the other out, a Mesher Order may be considered. If there is enough equity plus mortgage capacity for both to rehouse, no Mesher;

3. Overhoused. If the house is bigger than you need, you will be expected to sell and get a smaller property. No Mesher. That also applies if there are much cheaper similarly sized homes in your area.

4. Mortgage. Applicant has to prove that they can pay it each month (possibly through maintenance). Otherwise it's not considered viable for them to have a Mesher Order.

5. Equity Split. One of the hardest things for the applicant to understand from what I've seen. If you have a Mesher, you are using someone else's mortgage capacity and denying them their own investment in property often for a decade or more. That person often has to burn money renting when they could be an owner themselves. So, irrespective of what they paid before, the applicant pays the mortgage and the other partner gets a percentage of equity back including capital paid off since the split.

Personally, I think Mesher Orders are almost always a terrible idea for divorcing couples, or at the very least they should be transitory rather than until children are 18. They do two very damaging things to the finances of the divorcing couple:

1. The applicant and possibly both have to later on try and rehouse themselves on about half the equity when they are older, their mortgage capacity is reduced.

2. For the partner who doesn't live in the property, they are often stuck renting when they could buy.

If you really want to do what's best for the kids, try as hard as you can to ensure both can buy immediately even if the first property is a bit small. In the long run, your kids will get a much bigger inheritance and there will be less people in their mid-fifties trying to secure six figure mortgages.