To give up house to get a house for my kids

[NoNameHere12]

Hi,

Me and DH have just split after 16 years. We are not married (yes I know I’m a mug).
We have a mortgage on the house, both names. There is 170k equity.

That gives me 85k. I have 2 children. I won’t be eligible to buy somehwere for the 3 of us with that deposit as I don’t have an income, and I’m in the south east, so wouldn’t even get me a studio flat.

As I’d have 85k I wouldn’t get help with being housed. It’s not enough to buy somehwere, but too much to be entitled to help.

Aibu to think I Would I be better off giving him my half (that will go to our kids when he dies) so that I can get help with being housed, I feel stuffed either way.

Absolutely do not give him your half. If he marries again his new wife would get it and your kids would get fuck all. Seriously. Have a think.

Are you bananas. I am going to be blunt. Stop working on this business that brings no money in. There are plenty of jobs around, they won’t be well paid but you have the £85k buffer.

Why oh why do women do this time and time again.

Certainly though I wouldn’t be happy as a tax payer funding your life style choices.

And yes, you will go into a B and B not some newly painted house in your area of choice and as you don’t work currently moving further north will help too.

I was going to suggest moving out of the South East, as you don't have the tie of a job, or family support there.

Somewhere like Nottingham is nice, friendly and much more affordable. Though I appreciate its not so easy just to up and leave!

No don't give it to your ex. What if he gets married and it doesn't end up going to the girls?

My very first thought, was this.

I wouldn’t rush into handing money over to your ex, you might regret this in the future.
Housing in the SE is mad, any way you could move to a cheaper area and work? There are benefits to living in Wales, maybe look there as well as further north in England. Is your business transferable to a new area?

85k!!!! You would just give it to someone as a gift and hope they don't waste it? This is a man who has had children with you, strung you along but didn't want to marry you. Why would you trust him to behave better now? Keep your money for goodness sake. And if your area is too expensive, move. Cut your cloth to suit your means. There are plenty of places in the UK that you could buy a house outright for 85k! And if your children are young, then make sure you get the CMA involved to properly assess what your husband should contribute towards them. If he marries someone, they will inherit it all leaving you AND your children nothing! And then when his wife dies, HER children will get it and not yours/his. Please see sense.

That money could end up going for your ex’s care when he gets old? Or to his wife if he marries?

Could you take the money, put some into trust funds for your dc (so they can’t touch it until they are 21/25)? And use the rest to sort out a house? You will need a deposit, furniture etc..?

Living on benefits in a housing association house isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, you won’t get a choice of where you are housed, could end up being moved quite far away to a rough area, getting a house isn’t easy. You will have enough money to find a private rent in a area of your choice and still be able to put some money back for dc.

You don't even need to move far from the south-east before prices get better, eg some towns in Northamptonshire you could get a basic three bedroom house for £150,000 and it's only an hour from London on the train.

@NoNameHere12

Someone said leaving my girls with the dad and me moving out, I was referring to that, I could never leave them behind.

Yes their dad is a good dad (shit partner though) but I wouldn’t have any concerns with him looking after them, I was just saying I would never leave them and move out without them.

So the dc will keep their home with their dad And you will move out and they will also have z home with you. The 85k goes to pay the first few years rent Simple

@TeenTitan007

Buy the smallest flat you can in the cheapest area you can. Get a job, pay the mortgage (small one).

She's earning £8000 this year. How can she get a mortgage?

[quote Anaximedes]Definitely don't give him the money. Partly because you will struggle to get benefits having given it away. Yes some of the money may go in rent but not all of it, you should be able to get back on your feet within a year so that doesn't happen.

You could undoubtedly buy at least one if not two buy-to-let properties with that deposit, in many parts of the country that arean't the south east, and then your money would be working for you and that income can offset (some of) the rent you are paying - eventually you would own the house(s) outright too. He should also be paying you maintenance as well as child maintenance if you can't work yet due to the children being small or having additional care needs, so this again will help against your costs. Make sure your solicitor fights for the best deal for you, don't roll over!

Do get some proper financial advice pronto! From an IFA as well as your solicitor.

If you don't want to invest in property, they can find some other way to invest across safest and slightly more risky long term investments, and help you work out what it is best to do about your pension and to preserve as much of your assets as possible as you move forward. Also rent the smallest property in the least expensive area that you can realistically tolerate/is suitable for the children. They are unlikely to thank you for putting your own future on the line just so they can live in a slightly bigger house/better place.

If going into buy-to-let, do your homework. This is a good place to start if you can get to one: www.landlordinvestmentshow.co.uk/all-2022-events[/quote]
Don’t get involved I’d the Buy to Let market taking a mortgage is expensive and lots of regulations that cost a lot to comply with.

Was the property purchased as joint tenants or tenants in common?

You would have to be crazy to walk away with nothing. You already made a mistake of being financially dependent on someone without the protection of marriage/civil partnership so don't compound the error by walking away from a valuable asset you legally own 50% of to throw yourself on the mercy of the state benefits system which if you stay in the south east will not go far.

Are things amicable enough you can discuss this with your ex as to what the intention is regarding the house. Does he want to live there and buy you out or is he wanting to sell and split the equity? How are you going to arrange childcare going forward. I would say given your business is not bringing in a viable wage to live in a very expensive part of the country moving away would be your best option especially if you have no family there to support you anyway. Of course that depends on how the childcare is to be split and if your ex is to do half the childcare then moving away may not be an option. I cannot see how you will afford to buy though without your business picking up considerably or you getting a salaried job which will enable you to get a mortgaqe. Inevitably that will mean some childcare costs depending on the age of your children and if 50/50 childcare then your ex will need to pay half.

Can you put it down as a deposit on a buy to let (not necessarily exactly where you live) once you have a job? A one bed flat outside London maybe? Not sure if this would be feasible but you would end up with a home to live in in retirement and to leave to your children.

I think the OP is relying on the figures given by her husband and is being misled. £170 equity is not a great deal if her husband is “wealthy”, child maintenance until at least 18 yrs is applicable but not spousal maintenance.

No. He could remarry.
Can you put it in a trust fund for the children.

I think in the OPs position with hardly any income of her own to fall back on a buy to let would be utter madness.

Crazykatie op isn’t married. Her ex housemate isn’t obliged financially towards her at all. Luckily house is joint names so that can be sold and she gets half equity. He has financial obligation to his children in maintenance but no financial obligation to her.

The Avenue, Tunbridge Wells
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/114482894

There are options you just need to look for them x

Nave Square, Cable Wharf, Northfleet, Kent
www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/112548239

mamaoffourdc That property would probably require a minimum income if something like 30k plus there will a service charge to pay.

@Crazykatie

I think the OP is relying on the figures given by her husband and is being misled. £170 equity is not a great deal if her husband is “wealthy”, child maintenance until at least 18 yrs is applicable but not spousal maintenance.

@Crazykatie I think you’re picking up on another poster saying OP’s boyfriend is wealthy. OP hasn’t said that.

@bofski14 nothing OP says suggests that she’s been strung along 🤷🏻‍♀️
After 16 years, the relationship may just have run its course. Nothing “strung along” about that.

Please get proper advice beyond Mumsnet, great as some of what you've received here is.

Don't give the money to your ex (I think you've grasped that you shouldn't )

Also this idea of buying a house outright and renting it out really isn't the best idea. Firstly, you need a pot of money to fall back on to do maintenance if you go down that route, it's not fair on your potential tenants for you not to have that. It's incredibly stressful being a landlord if things go wrong in any way. It would make life much harder if your house sits empty for ages/gets trashed/you suddenly find the boiler or roof need replacing and you're the only one dealing with that while raising your children. Secondly the government is making life harder for landlords - you'd pay things like capital gains tax if the house goes up in value and have to comply with different legislation which can end up being a faff to manage. I was an accidental landlord for a while and some local rules changed after I rented my place out which cost me thousands - it was a huge waste of money.

I think if you can protect the money in a savings account for now and get yourself a job asap, then ideally in a year or two you could use it as a deposit for a mortgage. At that stage consider renting one of the rooms out on Airbnb or getting a (female) lodger and use that to pay off the mortgage a bit quicker. The only way I'd be dipping into the money now is to pay some rent upfront somewhere or pay to retrain in a new career that will ultimately bring in more money. You can make this work in your favour, but take your time over working out how to do so.

I got a shared ownership house in a similar situation, paid the owned half in cash and I got help towards the rent half. 5 years later I’m looking at buying on the open market with a mortgage again as I’ve just qualified in a profession after studying for for 4 years.

Set your sights a bit higher op, you can pull yourself out of this if you just look outside of the immediate situation.