Page 12 | To give up house to get a house for my kids

NoNameHere12 · 2021-12-07T12:08:04+00:00

Hi, Me and DH have just split after 16 years. We are not married (yes I know I’m a mug). We have a mortgage on the house, both names. There is 170k equity. That gives me 85k. I have 2 children. I won’t be eligible to buy somehwere for the 3 of us with that deposit as I don’t have an income, and I’m in the south east, so wouldn’t even get me a studio flat. As I’d have 85k I wouldn’t get help with being housed. It’s not enough to buy somehwere, but too much to be entitled to help. Aibu to think I Would I be better off giving him my half (that will go to our kids when he dies) so that I can get help with being housed, I feel stuffed either way.

Anaximedes · 08/12/2021 01:42

She won't get UC with 85K in the bank anyway!

And she says she can't buy a suitable property with 85K in the area she wants or needs to live in. So she's stuck. She also (probably) can't deliberately deprive herself of her asset (the 85K that she is entitled to) and then claim UC.

So, not necessarily bad advice and I did give lots of options and recommend seeing a financial advisor to discuss ideas further.

Anaximedes · 08/12/2021 01:44

Probably been said but there is no guarantee that your children would get the 85K you gave to him. He could have to spend it due to job loss, ill-health, or may fritter or gamble it away or leave it to another partner in his will.

It really is a terrible idea to do this IMO but speak to someone qualified ASAP.

stalkersaga · 08/12/2021 07:16

In fairness to @PrincessNutella, I read it as she was talking about all occupied council housing stock, not vacant stock, of which we're all aware there is a shortage in most parts of the country.

HippeePrincess · 08/12/2021 07:19

@Anaximedes

She won't get UC with 85K in the bank anyway!

And she says she can't buy a suitable property with 85K in the area she wants or needs to live in. So she's stuck. She also (probably) can't deliberately deprive herself of her asset (the 85K that she is entitled to) and then claim UC.

So, not necessarily bad advice and I did give lots of options and recommend seeing a financial advisor to discuss ideas further.

Not actually true, you can disregard capital from the sale of a family home which is earmarked for the purchase of another for 6 months, or longer if you can prove you’ve been trying to buy. I did it.

3WildOnes · 08/12/2021 07:30

I would absolutely use that money to train so that you are able to have a career. How old are you? Do you have a degree? What did you do before children?

AnotherEmma · 08/12/2021 07:36

[quote Cocomarine]@PrincessNutella “so much council housing” - what planet are you current living on? 🤣[/quote]
My thoughts exactly!

Waitwhatwhy · 08/12/2021 10:02

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@Waitwhatwhy* That doesn’t make sense. How is moving your children 200 miles away from the stable home they’ve had better than keeping everything as near the same as possible but in a rented house?* it’s not that simple the op cannot afford to rent where she lives , the £85k will run out and they will be left with nothing.[/quote]
85k will pay rent for a long time.
In the meantime OP will hopefully have got a job or turned round her business and if she wants to, be able to use what’s left as a deposit.
OPs partner will be paying towards his children.
Yes if she moved to the arse end of nowhere with no support from friends, a long way from ex, she could own a small house BUT I can’t see any benefit in this and a lot of negatives.

cherish123 · 08/12/2021 17:47

Do you mean give ex boyfriend your share so he has the kids full time? I wouldn't give up my share of the equity or half child custody.

You need to look for a job. Can you stay with a parents or friend while you find one?. Then get a mortgage and use the 85k as deposit. You could rent but might be difficult until you are working.

Bebethany · 08/12/2021 17:48

NoNameHere12 There are lots of other options, please take financial advice & maybe get in touch with housing associations where you can buy a % also get in touch with Shelter. Or maybe move to a cheaper area and do some study then get a job

cherish123 · 08/12/2021 17:49

Best of luck.
85k is a reasonable deposit

Mumkins42 · 08/12/2021 17:52

I would definitely not do that. Can you look at getting work and using that towards a deposit. Shared ownership? You'd definitely get something with that amount.
You sound like you're feeling guilty and not good enough as a provider. You absolutely are good enough, even if you live in a tiny little house. Having their mum is the most important thing in the world. It would be great for YOUR security and well being if you had a place of your own though. Definitely look at shared ownership.

I didn't marry either and it wasn't the smartest move financially but we all learn from these things and take better care next time. Loads of hugs, you'll get through this x

tabby007 · 08/12/2021 17:57

That's not how benefits work! You can't give up capital that's rightfully yours (half the house) just to qualify for benefits! Or everyone would give money away until they were ready to get it!

Having said that, if you have kids then there might be a divorce settlement where if you keep the kids to look after, the ex husband has to continue to pay the mortgage but you get to live in it until the kids are 18, or out of education, then after that you both have to sell up and split the funds.

But no, benefits are for people without savings and if you were entitled to 85k, you'd be expected to support yourself with this. You could try to get 1) shared ownership 2) get a job and then you can afford a place with small mortgage somewhere like Nottingham. But as a single mum once kids are over 3, you'd be expected to work also to get benefits or seek work!

Mummabear89 · 08/12/2021 17:57

Don't even know if this is possible but could you split the money and put it into your children's bank accounts? Then you have put it away for them to use as a deposit or something like that when they leave home.

Mirw · 08/12/2021 18:02

Why can't you keep the house and pay off the mortgage and over time, his share. Are they his kids too? Surely he wants them housed and not living in a cardboard box in the park. If you make yourself intentionally homeless even with children, you will get a skanky flat from your council and have to lump it. And you will need to get a job to pay for everything. It shouldn't come from the taxpayer.

Clementine21 · 08/12/2021 18:10

OP please help me understand something. The DC are both biologically your and your ex-partners, so why does it seem only you are worried about not being able to put a house over their head? Surely he should be more understanding, they are his kids too. Also you said he is well off, so why 50/50?

Sillawithans · 08/12/2021 18:15

Get a job for Christ sake.
I have 2.

OleWomanInAShoe · 08/12/2021 18:16

Perhaps you could put it in a trust for them.

WonderfulYou · 08/12/2021 18:36

I would not rely on council housing as you can be on the list for years and when you’re finally housed they’re often small and not nice. The nicer council houses do not come up often so you could be in temporary accommodation for years.

Could you look at shared ownership?
You have a massive chunk of money that would work in your favour and it would be a shame to waste it all away on rent.

Cocomarine · 08/12/2021 18:58

@Clementine21

OP please help me understand something. The DC are both biologically your and your ex-partners, so why does it seem only you are worried about not being able to put a house over their head? Surely he should be more understanding, they are his kids too. Also you said he is well off, so why 50/50?

50/50 because they’re not married and unless she has a different % ownership as Tenants in Common - which she surely would have mentioned - she’s legally entitled to nothing more from the property equity @Clementine21

Christmas1988 · 08/12/2021 18:59

North west coastal towns such as Fleetwood, Blackpool, Morecambe etc. You could buy a small two bed flat outright, you’d have no mortgage. My Grandmother lived in Bispham near Blackpool and had a lovely two bed flat with a small garden, it sold for £52,000!

Tomitma111 · 08/12/2021 19:01

I thought I have heard it all, but something always beats it and this is one of them, so you are going to give up 85K just so that you can claim money from UK taxpayers and get social housing property. I hope for your sake that no one informs the DWP what you are doing as you are deliberately giving away money6 just so that you can claim you can be taken to court for this. I suggest that you grow up

Cocomarine · 08/12/2021 19:01

@Mirw

Why can't you keep the house and pay off the mortgage and over time, his share. Are they his kids too? Surely he wants them housed and not living in a cardboard box in the park. If you make yourself intentionally homeless even with children, you will get a skanky flat from your council and have to lump it. And you will need to get a job to pay for everything. It shouldn't come from the taxpayer.

She has no legal basis to ask the court to delay payment of his interest in the property, because she is not married.

She doesn’t need to worry about a skanky flat. With £85K she can rent a perfectly lovely house until she gets a job - or her own business recovers - and then buy again.

Christmas1988 · 08/12/2021 19:02

Not sure where this is or if it’s a nice area, but look how cheap it is! You could definitely afford a home with £85k it just means relocating and a fresh start.

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/117134345#/?channel=RES_BUY

Spaceshiphaslanded · 08/12/2021 19:04

Op hugs, this sounds horrible. If he was a good dad there is no way he would see you and his kids homeless. Go and get some legal advice, hopefully it works out ok for you

AnFiaRuaNua · 08/12/2021 19:06

Don't give him any money!!!

Even if you have to relocate to where the money goes further. Rent for a while, get a job. Use the money for childcare.