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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
CtrlU · 07/12/2021 10:43

You were obviously just not in a great mood at the time and unfortunately he took the brunt of it.

I can see why he thought you were rude although you didn’t mean to be

Constance1 · 07/12/2021 10:43

If he was a random cold caller then your response was fair enough, but if it's just the case you forgot to remove your details from the supply teacher database then you were unnecessarily rude to someone just trying to do their job.

RowanAlong · 07/12/2021 10:44

No I don’t think being tired means you’re exempt from being polite. That guy was up early too, doing his job - he didn’t need to be snapped at. What any other person, man or woman, would have done, is not an issue here. It’s just basic manners.

LittleGwyneth · 07/12/2021 10:44

I don't see what was rude about saying 'I'm not looking for a job, please take me off your books.' What else were you supposed to say?

Constance1 · 07/12/2021 10:44

@Constance1

If he was a random cold caller then your response was fair enough, but if it's just the case you forgot to remove your details from the supply teacher database then you were unnecessarily rude to someone just trying to do their job.
Ah just saw your update where it turned out to be a wrong number. In that case you weren't being rude. Some people aren't even up at 7:20am, so a wrong number phone call is rude in itself at that time!
tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 10:45

Basic manners is to apologise when you've dialled the wrong number, not tell a woman she is being rude because she asked to be taken off their list,

Honestly, people, this is basic shit.

AnFiadhRua · 07/12/2021 10:45

Consensus seems to be that he was doing his job and you were on their books *but I bet if you'd been a man, he woukd have said "oh yes, sorry about that, nature of the job" but because you're a woman, he said "no need to be rude"

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 07/12/2021 10:45

Even for a wrong number caller you were rude. You know nothing about his life or circumstances so your rudeness could have pushed him over the edge. Everything works both ways.

daisypond · 07/12/2021 10:46

Of course you were rude. The first thing you said was “Why are you calling so early?” When the phone rang, didn’t you even say hello or whatever you normally say when you answer the phone? It’d be the same if you were a man.

maxbaby · 07/12/2021 10:47

I don't think you were rude at all. From when he said is this XX I would have said no so don't call again thanks bye

lottiegarbanzo · 07/12/2021 10:47

Switch sexes and 'sorry to have bothered you' would have been the expected response.

I wonder whether many posters here live in female-dominated domestic bubbles, so never hear how men speak to each other at work. How abrupt, how focused on their own task to the exclusion of all intrusions, they can be. It's the only explanation I can think of for the expectations of exaggerated politeness and mollification in the face of intrusion, irrelevance and time-wasting, that I read here.

HadaVerde · 07/12/2021 10:48

You know you were rude hence your posting this AIBU.

Forget the male/female twist. You were unnecessarily rude.

daisypond · 07/12/2021 10:48

He then became stroppy with you - which he shouldn’t- but you definitely started it.

TheCreamCaker · 07/12/2021 10:48

I frequently get calls from people claiming to be from Carphone Warehouse (never had any dealings with them) or an accident claimline. I always ask them never to call me again. If that makes me rude, so be it. I hate random calls like that.

daisypond · 07/12/2021 10:50

@TheCreamCaker

I frequently get calls from people claiming to be from Carphone Warehouse (never had any dealings with them) or an accident claimline. I always ask them never to call me again. If that makes me rude, so be it. I hate random calls like that.
But do you start off the phone call with “Why are you calling so early?” Or do you actually say hello before they start their spiel?
PinkWednesdays · 07/12/2021 10:50

@BlusteringBoobies

Sorry OP, I don't believe your drip feed and think you've changed the narrative due to the overwhelming comments stating you were rude.

You ARE a teacher so that tallies. And why not simply say they have the wrong number? You say your car phone was crackly and you didn't hear the name but then when he repeated it you clarified and still asked to be taken off the books?

Such important information would have been in the OP. I think you were a bit abrupt considering I think at some point you DID sign up with them, but we've all been too curt in situations so I'd let it go.

I agree. I think OP has made it up because this thread didn’t go how she wanted.

OP, if you want a thread about men being patronising to women, then you could have created that. But instead you created one about your behaviour and have clearly backtracked.

godmum56 · 07/12/2021 10:52

a wrong number from anybody at that time would get a sharp retort from me.

Negligee · 07/12/2021 10:54

@JeffThePilot

I can see why you were brusque with him given you assumed it was a cold call, and equally I can see why he thought you were rude given that he thought he was talking to someone else (who had signed up for work).

A miscommunication issue. Neither of you were wrong.

Exactly. No one was wrong. He was riled because as far as he was concerned he was speaking to someone who’d signed on with his agency and who was hence ok with last-minute, early-morning calls for supply work, and you were riled because as far as you were concerned it was an early-morning cold call.
HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 07/12/2021 11:04

@Itsalmostanaccessory

He didnt get your name and number from nowhere. You signed up with a supply agency. He had a job for you so he called. That's what a supply agency does and he thought he was doing what you wanted as you had signed up with them.

You didnt call to get yourself taken off their books yet you're angry because he, a man, had the audacity to call you in the morning with a job to fill. This has nothing to do with the sexes involved and yes, you were rude.

Not true.

Lots of companies cold call these days. You do not have to be signed up to anything.

RaginaPhalange · 07/12/2021 11:05

Yes you were rude and of course they will call early in the morning to fill a position. You being a woman and the caller being a man has nothing to do with it.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 11:05

@RaginaPhalange

Yes you were rude and of course they will call early in the morning to fill a position. You being a woman and the caller being a man has nothing to do with it.
It was a wrong number.
ArabellaScott · 07/12/2021 11:06

"I have a permanent job, please take me off your books."

Is not in the slightest bit rude!

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 07/12/2021 11:06

Plus cold calling or not is irrelevant actually since OP has said the call wasn’t actually meant for her.

ArabellaScott · 07/12/2021 11:07

You weren't rude, you were understandably asking why he was calling so early - all a completely legitimate conversation on your behalf.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 07/12/2021 11:08

I agree with pp, OP was not rude in objecting to an early call, nor in making a factual statement. That’s neutral and OP does not need to oil it with graciousness, cosiness, politeness, etc. She is entitled to just state facts.

Anyway @Dinosaurhearmeroar you’re overthinking it. Which means you’re really not a rude person at all or you wouldn’t give a shit.