Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 07/12/2021 09:49

He was only doing his job. Supply agencies have to call early in order for people to get to the schools on time. So you probably should have been polite to him but I understand that we all have occasions when we are blunter and less polite than we ought to be.

Hope you are OK, OP.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 07/12/2021 09:51

YANBU. He sounded rude tbh.

LJAKS · 07/12/2021 09:51

Definitely rude. I don't understand what gender has to do with it? It would have been a rude response from a male or a female to any gendered caller. You presumably didn't advise them you had a permanent job at a time that suited you? He probably thought you'd be happy to receive an offer of work so close to Christmas, most would.

Shiningpath · 07/12/2021 09:53

It sounds like you were unnecessarily abrupt with the recruiter. It wasn’t like he kept calling you at unsociable times. Not his fault you have a lot going on, including tiredness and a headache.

Not the point of the thread but those seem to be the symptoms of Omicron Covid for the first four or five days so might be worth testing and taking yourself out of circulation if you can.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/12/2021 09:53

I don’t think you were rude at all! Shocked at the replies saying you were.

You didn’t know who he was when you asked why he was calling at that time, and when you did you politely explained the situation.

He sounds like the one trying to rudely assert himself tbh

MrsLarry · 07/12/2021 09:54

You do sound like you were rude. But you know it. Just put it out of your mind and get on with your day.

IntermittentParps · 07/12/2021 09:55

Confusing post. It's hard to judge without understanding if you HAVE been on this person's books ie if he was meant to have your number or not.

But in any case, replying 'why are you calling so early?' rather than 'yes, I'm XX' or 'No, I'm not XX' (I'm no clear on which it is) is a bit weird. You were up and on your way to work, it's not like he woke you Confused.

SprayedWithDettol · 07/12/2021 09:55

My advice OP is don’t answer your phone. I never answer to an unknown number and not always to a known number. 😉

Plexie · 07/12/2021 09:56

I don't think you were rude but then I have a very high bar of what constitutes rudeness to cold callers - anything short of swearing at them or blowing a whistle down the phone is fair game.

On reading the OP I thought it was a wrong number but most posters seem to have assumed that OP is a teacher and had signed up with this man's agency. If the latter is the case, I guess you could have been a bit more polite in explaining that you're no longer in need of their services. He was an arse for calling you rude though, and yes, I do think it was because you're a woman.

Original poster
Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:57

Thank you everyone - I should have mentioned that he had the wrong number! Key bit of information I was lacking. I am not with any agencies.

Will agree I was rude - we all have our moments!

OP posts:
potter5 · 07/12/2021 09:57

I don't think you were rude. Did he quote your name or somebody else?
I agree that he wouldn't have spoken to a man like that.
Don't let it bother you.

Theluggage15 · 07/12/2021 09:57

You were rude and why didn’t you take yourself off their books if you have a permanent job, how irritating for them wasting time calling you. And as for ‘you know nothing about my life’ what’s that got to do with anything?

grapewine · 07/12/2021 09:57

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

Rude and abrupt, and being a woman is neither here nor there in this case. He's just doing his job, he'd need to call early to fill the position for the day, and it's not his fault you didn't bother taking your name of their books.
Spot on. This is on you, OP.
sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/12/2021 09:57

@AngelonTopoftheTree

The correct response to are you XX is either yes /no , who is it calling please not why are you calling so early .

Original poster
Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:58

I said "You know nothing about my life," because a person doesn't always know what's going on behind the scenes if you see what I mean. I suppose I was defending my position because he has no idea what I (or anyone) might be going through.

Yes - I am overthinking!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:59

Thank you = good advice.

OP posts:
LJAKS · 07/12/2021 10:00

@Dinosaurhearmeroar

Thank you everyone - I should have mentioned that he had the wrong number! Key bit of information I was lacking. I am not with any agencies.

Will agree I was rude - we all have our moments!

Oh dear Grin Then yes that does change my opinion a bit! Granted not necessarily his fault he had the wrong number but also not yours for neglecting to update a supply list.
Illequiped · 07/12/2021 10:00

Hah, unless I'm missing something op didn't

a) swear
b) spend ten minutes angrily ranting about how dare they call her

And was factual and blunt. Women being terse are not rude. Just because she didn't pad out the call with social fluff doesn't make her rude, or worthy of the recruiter telling her off.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 07/12/2021 10:00

Awesome drip feed OP.

PinkWednesdays · 07/12/2021 10:01

If it’s a one off and you aren’t usually like that, let it go. We’ve all had a moments where we’re tired and cranky. If it’s a regular occurrence, then you were rude.

But men aren’t all out to get you that you have to snap at strangers on the phone. If that’s your mindset then you do need to consider why you’re so angry.

Original poster
Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 10:01

Agree if he had the right number - I am not on any books!

OP posts:
Flossieskeeper · 07/12/2021 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkWednesdays · 07/12/2021 10:02

@Dinosaurhearmeroar

Thank you everyone - I should have mentioned that he had the wrong number! Key bit of information I was lacking. I am not with any agencies.

Will agree I was rude - we all have our moments!

Was it really the wrong number? Why tell him to take you off his books then if it wasn’t even your name…
Original poster
Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 10:02

Sorry!

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 07/12/2021 10:03

He didnt get your name and number from nowhere. You signed up with a supply agency. He had a job for you so he called. That's what a supply agency does and he thought he was doing what you wanted as you had signed up with them.

You didnt call to get yourself taken off their books yet you're angry because he, a man, had the audacity to call you in the morning with a job to fill. This has nothing to do with the sexes involved and yes, you were rude.

Swipe left for the next trending thread