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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
PinkAndPurpleClouds · 07/12/2021 11:08

@Dinosaurhearmeroar I don't think you were rude. So I put YANBU.

I do think he phoned a bit early, but people have varying definitions of what is early, and you were actually awake and up and on the way to work, so he was not being unreasonable to call, especially as you must have given him your details.

But YOU were not being unreasonable to ask him to take you off his books. I don't know how or why he said you were rude. You had every right to call him out and say 'you know nothing about me or my life.'

teateaandcoffee · 07/12/2021 11:08

I don't think you were rude, if he called the wrong person at 7:20am he should have apologised as soon as he realised, not gone on the defensive, he was in the wrong. Did he actually say sorry for bothering you so early?

Ugzbugz · 07/12/2021 11:09

SO RUDE.

again2020 · 07/12/2021 11:09

A little abrupt, but not rude.
If it's any consolation I would have done the same, OP.
I don't think he can accuse you of being rude, I don't think many people would like to be phoned at that time in a morning. He was doing his job but would have been better practice to phone in normal hours.

Jenhen89 · 07/12/2021 11:10

You’re obviously just not a morning person.

ButtonSister · 07/12/2021 11:11

On what you have said here no you are not being rude. He started off by asking *are you X" without introducing himself, at 7:20 am? That is very rude.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 07/12/2021 11:12

@LettertoHermoine

You were rude, no need for it tired or not. Chap was only doing his job.
Hardly.

His job is to recruit from a database. He rang a wrong number and annoyed the person who answered.

Worse he then admonished that wrong peron for being annoyed at his error! You usually apologise for having interrupted them when you do that, don't you?

EmeraldShamrock · 07/12/2021 11:13

Thank you everyone - I should have mentioned that he had the wrong number! Key bit of information I was lacking. I am not with any agencies.
Yes I'm sure you would have mentioned it in your OP had it been true.
I'm always skeptical with embellished drip feeds redirecting the vote.

MrsDThomas · 07/12/2021 11:13

His manner was wrong. When i call someone i say my name and the organisation I’m calling from, then as “am I speaking to X?”.

Earwigworries · 07/12/2021 11:15

Yes you were rude - perhaps a bit short sighted too - you might want that agency in the future - he wasn’t perfect but rudeness doesn’t really justify rudeness - it just spirals .

grapewine · 07/12/2021 11:15

Well, given your updates, YABU for not putting in the OP that it was a wrong number.

WorriedGiraffe · 07/12/2021 11:15

Yep you were rude and without good reason as it’s not like he even woke you up if you were in your car, and being female is irrelevant here. Not convinced he has the wrong number either as why would you have told him you had a permanent job and to take you off his books if that was the case?

nomoneytreehere · 07/12/2021 11:17

You were rude.

Remaker · 07/12/2021 11:17

You were on your way to work, so why would you complain about the time? If he woke you up, fine, but he didn’t. And the comment about him knowing nothing about your life is very rude.

Nothing to do with sexism, just a lack of courtesy on your part. He’s doing a thankless job there’s no need to make it more difficult.

Jng1 · 07/12/2021 11:19

YANBU

I'm a company director and I get a lot of unsolicited calls from agencies I have never contacted in the past trying to offer me candidates, ask me if I want to move etc etc. Some of these are on my personal mobile, which I am mightily pissed off about as I don't know how this number has leaked out.
They are often devious in the way they approach the call e.g. "Just following up about my email last week..." (I also get a lot of unsolicited emails). After a while it wears you down, so I always cut them short as soon as possible and tell them to remove my number from their lists.
If they think I'm rude I don't really care - I didn't ask them to call. I find pushy unsolicited calls rude!

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 11:20

It's clear he realised he had dialled a wrong number. He should have been MORTIFIED dialling a wrong number at 7.20, not getting butt hurt. He expected OP to be the one to apologise for not being the person he meant to call.

WizardOfAus · 07/12/2021 11:21

You were rude.

Viviennemary · 07/12/2021 11:22

You were rude. Because this person was only doing his job finding you a job.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 11:24

@Viviennemary

You were rude. Because this person was only doing his job finding you a job.
Sigh. It was a wrong number. She doesn't need a job.
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/12/2021 11:24

If you'd told them you were now employed then you were polite. If you hadn't told them you were assertive but probably not actually rude. Your requests were all factual and it was very early. Don't let the patriarchy win by sweating this! Wink

DrManhattan · 07/12/2021 11:25

Yeah you were rude af

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 07/12/2021 11:25

@WorriedGiraffe

Yep you were rude and without good reason as it’s not like he even woke you up if you were in your car, and being female is irrelevant here. Not convinced he has the wrong number either as why would you have told him you had a permanent job and to take you off his books if that was the case?
I tell every wrong number or cold caller to remove my details from their database. I don't care how they came to ring me, I don't want them to, so I tell them specifically that I am exercising my right to be forgotten, I want to be erased from their database and will note it, as per GDPR regulations.

They are allowed to call me... but not after I have said I don't want to be called.

Chisandbiscuits · 07/12/2021 11:25

WTF that was not rude, it was an unsolicited call at silly o'clock and you asked him a legitimate question.

FFSFFSFFS · 07/12/2021 11:25

Well I can guarantee you that this conversation would not be happening on piston heads….

Regardless of whether or not you were rude - I think that you are worrying about it because of how you’ve been socialised as a woman

daisychain01 · 07/12/2021 11:25

You were rude. Justifying it on the basis that he was a man and how dare a man expect you to be polite to him is utter crap.

He was a person from an agency, just doing their job. If you had been unemployed you'd have been glad of his call.

"Thanks I'm currently in work" would have been fine.