I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

I agree she was rude but I bet he wouldn't have said what he did to a man, so I don't think totally irrelevant.

If it was a woman who had dialled the wrong number and called the OP it is likely she would have called the OP rude too.

If the man had accidently called another man, I agree it is likely he wouldnt have called him rude, but he would probably just as likely called him a wanker.

I don’t think you were rude at all. It was a cold call at 7.20 in the morning on your personal number. You were right to ask him why he was calling so early - I’d expect 8 at the absolute earliest - and right to tell him you have a job and to remove your data from his books. Nothing rude about it. You were just firm.

@WayneBruce

Fair play he called you rude. You were.

In what way?

@Bluntness100

God. People are so intolerant now. It was a wrong number, all you need to say is sorry not wrong number, not have a whole fight about why the poor bastard has to work so early.

Is the OP not entitled to a life of her own? Why should she have to plan it around someone else’s working hours?

@ambereeree

You were rude. Its not an easy job being a recruiter.

Oh, boo bloody hoo. Recruiters earn a significant amount in commission. I’m sure they can cope with the occasional candidate hanging up on them. Even if the job is difficult, why is that the OP’s problem?

So the call wasn't for you, but you told him to remove you from their books?

I do think it’s in tiny interactions like this that can have a bigger impact on someone’s day than we realise. Could you not have just told him nicely he had the wrong number, once you realised? I’m sure he isn’t loving having to call people at that time, you could just hang up and get on with your day but he probably had to call another 10 people. 9 of whom were probably also snappy with him. It would have made your day nicer too- rather than thinking on it for half an hour, you could have said ‘ah sorry you’ve got the wrong number, hope you find someone’ and never thought of it again.

@Bluntness100

God. People are so intolerant now. It was a wrong number, all you need to say is sorry not wrong number, not have a whole fight about why the poor bastard has to work so early.

That is very, very funny coming from you 😂

So, he called, he said, "may I speak to Jane Doe?" You, not Jane Doe, instead of telling him he had the wrong number, asked why he was calling so early? That's just weird.

@Anaximedes

sorry you have the wrong number

But why does she have to be sorry he's got the wrong number. (Clue: she doesn't.)

Have you never said, “I’m sorry your budgie died’?

It’s not always an apology. It’s often a recognition of misfortune.

“I’m sorry - you’ve got the wrong number.”

@WalkingOnTheCracks the recruiter should have realised OP’s misfortune in being wrong numbered at 7 in the morning and said ‘I’m sorry to disturb you, wrong number.’

I think you were directing your frustration about whatever is going on in your life at the wrong person. But we have all done it.

[quote tallduckandhandsome]@WalkingOnTheCracks the recruiter should have realised OP’s misfortune in being wrong numbered at 7 in the morning and said ‘I’m sorry to disturb you, wrong number.’[/quote]
Indeed. Neither renders the other unnecessary.

WomanStanleyWoman
“ambereeree”
“You were rude. Its not an easy job being a recruiter”
Oh, boo bloody hoo. Recruiters earn a significant amount in commission. I’m sure they can cope with the occasional candidate hanging up on them. Even if the job is difficult, why is that the OP’s problem

I think the job title is misleading. He is “recruiting” people off an already signed with the agency group to work at schools that day.
I doubt he is on any commission.
The agency family member is with only heard about it through a friend and even though family member was able to get all the list of things they needed to submit quite quickly, have a phone chat about how the agency worked and the different type of schools that were on their books and then have a more formal interview. It took weeks to get the letter that she was on their books.
Family member does know a few people who were rejected at different stages in the process

This thread is such a sad reflection of society today. Even if someone does make a mistake and call you in error, a bit of decency and politeness really isn't much to ask. OP could have just said something along the lines of

"sorry (not in a "i've wronged you context, but an acknowledgement of the callers potential frustration) but i think your records are out of date. I have a full time position now and so I'm not looking for temp work. I would be grateful if you could update your records accordingly. Thanks for calling though"

Once upon a time, by the sounds of it, you would have been grateful for a call like this with some agency work.

This feminism stuff, and all this "they were in the wrong" is just a miserable outlook on life. Assertiveness really isn't about being abrupt at every perceived inconvenience. And being amiable isn't about being a doormat.

@Everanewbie

Ah - the ‘back in the old days’ trope! Nice one.

And you followed it up with ‘This feminism stuff’.

Can’t believe this is still going! I’m over it now- I think he was obnoxious telling me not to be rude. I was irritable yes - mea culpa but no one is perfect. Turns out the headache is covid and I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant! The comments chastising me sort of undermine their own points as some of them have been downright nasty. Anyway - I’ve moved on, I’m sure he has (!) and if I could close this tab I would. Wishing everyone a good Christmas and that they stay healthy - to a better 2022.

Ha! Knew it was Covid.

Still not the point of the thread, but clearly a warning to take even minor symptoms seriously.

I think the job title is misleading. He is “recruiting” people off an already signed with the agency group to work at schools that day. I doubt he is on any commission.

Fair comment - but some of the replies on here make it sound like he’s doing it out of the goodness of his heart so that the poor little children have a teacher, and that he’ll be crying all day now that the nasty lady told him to take her off his books.

@Shiningpath not sure if laughing at the pregnant woman with covid is necessary. Not called for 😔

@Dinosaurhearmeroar - I hope your case of covid is mild and you get over it quickly! And congratulations on your pregnancy.

That’s very decent of you - thank you, much appreciated

Man "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." Man replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "No worries mate, bye" end of.

Funny how it doesn’t seem rude at all when it’s a man being called 🧐

To @Blacknosugarplease