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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
RincewindsHat · 07/12/2021 10:03

I don't think you were rude at all, what were you supposed to do except tell him to remove your number?

He was rude when he told you not to be so rude, I'd have snapped back at him too.

Gretaburley · 07/12/2021 10:03

You weren't rude imo.
7.20 am, wrong number, accused of being rude when factual.
Now I would have been rude.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 07/12/2021 10:04

@Flossieskeeper

What’s wrong with ‘sorry wrong number? “ End of conversation.

That’s all he’d have got out of me at 7.20am .
I am a bit non pluses as to how all the extra conversation came about tbh.

That's pretty much the response I'd had given, much easier when you're tired and have head ache rather than all that dialogue and rude with it.
Plexie · 07/12/2021 10:04

Women being terse are not rude. Just because she didn't pad out the call with social fluff doesn't make her rude, or worthy of the recruiter telling her off.

This with bells on.

And he should have apologised to you for calling you by mistake.

In our house telephone calls that early in the morning are answered with dread because it's usually a sign of bad news (eg someone has died). So I get mightily fucked off when it turns out to be a foreign call centre.

Original poster
Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 10:05

Yes, it was. He was on my carphone which is always a bit fuzzy so I presumed he said my name originally hence my comment of taking me off his books (I get PR emails from time to time but never calls). He then asked again if I was so and so and I said no.

OP posts:
LettertoHermoine · 07/12/2021 10:05

You were rude, no need for it tired or not. Chap was only doing his job.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 07/12/2021 10:05

Yes you were rude and it was unnecessary. He was trying to give you a job. You could have just said thank you so much but I have a permanent job now. You took your headache and tiredness out on him and it wasn't very cool. Maybe he has a headache and is tired too.

Sittingonabench · 07/12/2021 10:06

I don’t think you were rude - asking why they’re calling out of acceptable work hours seems fine. Asking them to take you off the books also fine. Doing so in a terse manner also acceptable given it’s 7:20. Your reaction after was in response to being called rude - I probably would have just hung up. Tbh if someone called me (unsolicited) at 7:20 (and it wasn’t an emergency) I wouldn’t dwell on whether I was rude - I think that is the issue as you’re more likely to temper your behaviour next time to be softer which you don’t have to be. It’s nice to be nice but it’s nicer to have uninterrupted sleep.

FOJN · 07/12/2021 10:06

I think you were perhaps unnecessarily abrupt but it's not clear if the caller had the correct number. Were you the person he was asking for and had you signed up to the recruitment agency. I'm a bit confused about why you answered the call to ask why someone was calling so early, you had the option to ignore it.

It would have been a less stressful conversation if you'd confirmed who you were, established the reason for the call and then asked to be removed from their calling list as you no longer required temporary work. You could also have notified them when you got a permanent job so you wouldn't be called at all.

Presumably if you had wanted work you would have been grateful for the call.

Difficulties in our own life do not give us license to treat others badly but sometimes we lose patience and it happens, when it does we need to acknowledge our own behaviour was less than reasonable rather than continue to make the other person responsible.

You may have a point about him not challenging a man if he'd received the same response but I'm not sure that's the kind of equality we should be striving for.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 07/12/2021 10:07

Women being terse are not rude. Just because she didn't pad out the call with social fluff doesn't make her rude, or worthy of the recruiter telling her off.

Having a few manners and being polite isn't 'social fluff'. Christ on a bike.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 07/12/2021 10:07

I've just seen your post that it was a wrong number. Didnt you think that should be in the OP?

If it was a wrong number then why did you say, "I have a permanent job" and ask to be taken off their books. That means that whoever he meant to call will now be removed for their books and wont be getting work! What were you thinking? He misdialed. All you should have said was, "wrong number, go and check the number on your books because you've dialed the wrong one."

You were rude and now you've had some supply teacher removed that agency because you coulsnt just say, "wrong number". I feel sorry for the supply teacher he meant to call who has now lost out on job options.

saveforthat · 07/12/2021 10:07

You were not rude. Agencies I have not signed up to call me all the time. I just hang up. Before 8am is way too early for calls like these.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 07/12/2021 10:09

God. Another drip feed.

If you want comments that actually apply then can you just put the full conversation/relevant info in your OP? What a waste of time half the responses on here were.

Original poster
Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 10:09

You misunderstand - I wasn't angry because a man was calling me. I got a little riled when he told me not to be rude - I wondered if he would have said that to another man (and it seems a lot of other posters agree ).

He also had the wrong number! I found out halfway through the call when he repeated the wrong name.

Anyway, from the responses it seems a lot of people agree I was rude and a lot don't - so thank you everyone! Food for thought!

OP posts:
IamGusFring · 07/12/2021 10:09

The fact that you have been thinking about it shows that you are unhappy with the way you dealt with it . You're trying to justify it . Just forget about it , accept you were grumpy and next time "Sorry no that's not me "

Cam2020 · 07/12/2021 10:10

Unsolicited - not rude.

If you signed up with them, then yes, very rude and you've potentially shot yourself in the foot if you need them in future.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 07/12/2021 10:10

You were rude and your sexes are totally irrelevant.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/12/2021 10:11

He was doing his job, it's annoying how people speak to customer care staff.
You were rude.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 07/12/2021 10:12

@Plexie

I don't think you were rude but then I have a very high bar of what constitutes rudeness to cold callers - anything short of swearing at them or blowing a whistle down the phone is fair game.

On reading the OP I thought it was a wrong number but most posters seem to have assumed that OP is a teacher and had signed up with this man's agency. If the latter is the case, I guess you could have been a bit more polite in explaining that you're no longer in need of their services. He was an arse for calling you rude though, and yes, I do think it was because you're a woman.

I think that is absolutely awful.

When I get a cold caller I just say thank you but no thank you. Jeez the poor person is probably on minimum wage and trying to survive, no need to make their life worse. It takes two seconds to deliver a polite no.

BogRollBOGOF · 07/12/2021 10:12

I worked for a supply agency over many years and they do check-in out of the blue if it's been a while, but 7:20 in the morning was not the timing for that. People are doing something at that time, preparing for the day.

I'm presuming that the agency are struggling on supply, but they would do better checking in to update on avaliability in the daytime to then deal with the morning rush the next day.

My work went very thin on the ground around the time I had my babies and I ended up seeking direct work at that point. No, it wasn't on my mind to phone an agency that I hadn't heard from in two years because they'd gone quiet and hadn't had the work to build up for me after finishing some long term work and leaving me without an income during pregnancy (this was a point where cover supervisors were widely being brought in and budgets began to be cut hitting supply first).

Your initial comment was factual and fine, particularly as it was at a difficult moment. He should not have commented on it, and that opened up the second comment.
He's probably taken the hump because he has too much demand to know what to do with it given the time of day. But that's not OP's problem. Ex-supply teachers are not sitting in the wings through years of poor opportunities to bail everyone else out.

Samcro · 07/12/2021 10:13

don't think you were rude. but you sound very sexist

PheasantsNest · 07/12/2021 10:13

You were rude and snappy.

Beautiful3 · 07/12/2021 10:14

Well you did sign up for it, and never informed them to take you off their books. I kinda think you were being rude, all you had to say was to, "remove me please."

Arrowheart · 07/12/2021 10:15

If you signed up to an agency to sign you up for work then yes you were rude.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 07/12/2021 10:18

All this 'he wouldn't have said I was rude if I was a man' bollocks.. how on Earth can you know that?! What a sexist assumption.

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