Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
TenGames · 07/12/2021 10:18

You were not rude to say take me off the books - before the drip feed.
The parting words were unnecessary but it response to his calling you rude.

bubblesbubbles11 · 07/12/2021 10:19

increasingly over the years I have adopted a strict policy on my phone that if the number is not saved as one of my "contacts" then I don't answer it and it can go to voicemail. If it is urgent the person will leave a voicemail, if nothing else to say "please call me back on number x" and I can then decide whether to return the call. Or if they don't want to leave a voicemail, if they are someone important to me they will have my email and ditto - they can send me an email and I can decide whether to reply or not. The days of merrily answering all calls irrespective are well and truly over because big data has so many numbers if your number is out there enough you could spend your whole life taking unsolicited calls.

JeffThePilot · 07/12/2021 10:20

I can see why you were brusque with him given you assumed it was a cold call, and equally I can see why he thought you were rude given that he thought he was talking to someone else (who had signed up for work).

A miscommunication issue. Neither of you were wrong.

hotmeatymilk · 07/12/2021 10:21

How is “I have a permanent job, please take me off your books” rude? She even said “please” – entirely a social fluff word!

Is she supposed to have said “Oh! Thanks so much for calling me, I’m so sorry – I now have a permanent job so please take me off your books, my mistake for not letting you know sooner, mea culpa let me die on my sword for such an error!”?

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 07/12/2021 10:23

@hotmeatymilk of course not, how about 'sorry wrong number' or 'you've got the wrong person, please don't call again..'

No need for all the 'you don't know my life..' crap.

Sweetener12 · 07/12/2021 10:24

I have a permanent job, please take me off your books
Even if OP have asked them for their services before how is asking them to put her off their lists now rude?
OP I don't think you were rude, in fact he was overstepping by coming up with this coment about your rudeness. Totally uncalled for.

LuluBlakey1 · 07/12/2021 10:26

You were rude.

hotmeatymilk · 07/12/2021 10:26

No need for all the 'you don't know my life..' crap
@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange he called her rude before she said that. He called her rude in response to “please take me off your books”. I too would escalate to rudeness after that! The accusation is already on the table, why not live up to it.

Sweetener12 · 07/12/2021 10:27

[quote KurtWildesChristmasNamechange]@hotmeatymilk of course not, how about 'sorry wrong number' or 'you've got the wrong person, please don't call again..'

No need for all the 'you don't know my life..' crap. [/quote]
But the 'you don't know my life..' crap came after the worker's very unnecessary note about OPs 'rudeness', which, in fact, is way more rude than asking to take her off their books. I think the guy was irritated she is not a suitable candidate anymore but he didn't have to take it out on her.

LindaEllen · 07/12/2021 10:28

You were rude. But feeling rubbish makes us behave in ways we wouldn't normally, so I hope you feel better soon.

SplodgeWaddler · 07/12/2021 10:28

It does sound like you were a bit off with him however the recruiter was also being unprofessional in pointing that out. A kinder person would have realised that you’re most likely just tired and stressed.

Everanewbie · 07/12/2021 10:29

I think you are trying to justify your bad mood and rude response on general sexism. The call was early, but on a weekday when you were clearly up and about, i.e. it didn't wake you up. And you seem to mix up assertiveness with being unnecessarily short with people.

I don't suggest you should start putting up with rubbish, especially from men, but maybe treat people, even if the make a small but honest mistake that very mildly inconveniences you, with a little humility and politeness even if you are tired and have a headache (not an excuse!)

Elphame · 07/12/2021 10:30

FWIW I also thing you were terse but not rude. He however was definitely rude.

@50ShadesOfCatholic. The vast majority of cold callers are actually criminals out to scam you. I have no duty at all to be polite to someone who is trying to steal from me.

Hadalifeonce · 07/12/2021 10:31

Asking an organisation to 'please remove me from your books' is not rude in the slightest.

Hoppinggreen · 07/12/2021 10:32

@Dinosaurhearmeroar

Agree if he had the right number - I am not on any books!
But if you are a teacher so he must have got your number from somewhere. You might not be with an agency and the Recruiter was chancing his arm a bit (it’s what they do) But think you were rude as well. I am known for being very assertive and direct but I am never rude to anyone for just doing their job
SplodgeWaddler · 07/12/2021 10:34

Actually HE was rude. Recruiters shouldn’t be calling at that time. Of course supply agencies need to contact people on their books early in the morning but in they shouldn’t be randomly trying to recruit new supply teachers at that time!

lottiegarbanzo · 07/12/2021 10:34

He was trying to sign you up (or, not you, someone else!), so clearly you were not already on his books.

In which case that is a really odd, intrusive time of day to call. Totally different from if you (or the other person) had already been on his books and he was calling about supply work for that day.

Who cares if you were abrupt at 7.20am? You certainly shouldn't!

WhenSepEnds · 07/12/2021 10:35

@authenticforgery

You were rude and I think your being a woman is irrelevant.
Completely agree. Don't know why you've played the woman card?! You signed up to the service, the man was only doing his job
KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 07/12/2021 10:35

But the 'you don't know my life..' crap came after the worker's very unnecessary note about OPs 'rudeness', which, in fact, is way more rude than asking to take her off their books. I think the guy was irritated she is not a suitable candidate anymore but he didn't have to take it out on her.

But he wouldn't have responded with that had she just said sorry wrong number. I do agree he shouldn't have called her rude, but then again if she can be rude why can't he?

PinkiOcelot · 07/12/2021 10:36

You were very rude. What has asserting yourself got to do with it?! You were on your way to work, not asleep in bed, so being tired had nothing to do with it it either.
You should also have taken your name off their books.

LostForIdeas · 07/12/2021 10:36

I often wish I had the guts to answeer your way @Dinosaurhearmeroar

BlusteringBoobies · 07/12/2021 10:39

Sorry OP, I don't believe your drip feed and think you've changed the narrative due to the overwhelming comments stating you were rude.

You ARE a teacher so that tallies. And why not simply say they have the wrong number? You say your car phone was crackly and you didn't hear the name but then when he repeated it you clarified and still asked to be taken off the books?

Such important information would have been in the OP. I think you were a bit abrupt considering I think at some point you DID sign up with them, but we've all been too curt in situations so I'd let it go.

LostForIdeas · 07/12/2021 10:40

It's funny how so many posters are telling you you were rude when actually I've seen many men answer exactely like this and they were never told thast they are rude.

The answer of 'why are you call so early?' is a fair question when you are not expecting a call from someone like him.

He had no reason to tell the OP she was rude whe HE was the one who made a mistake in the first place. For all he knew he could have woken up someone who had a night shift etc....

The OP didn't swear.

So why are so many people convinced she was rude (bar the fcat women are supposed to be the ones to appease etc...)?

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 10:42

Ah the handmaidens are out in force again Hmm

OP, you were not rude at all. He would not have said that to a man.

Fuck him and well done.

LostForIdeas · 07/12/2021 10:42

You say your car phone was crackly and you didn't hear the name but then when he repeated it you clarified and still asked to be taken off the books?

I would have done the same because I would have wanted to be every clear I didn't want any more phone calls from them!

Swipe left for the next trending thread