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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
ElftonWednesday · 08/12/2021 03:42

@KurtWildesChristmasNamechange

Being unnecessarily rude to someone trying to do their job, simply because they're male isn't feminism. It's being a dick.

Damn right.

Teaching women that simple directness amounts to rudeness isn't feminism either, it's outright misogyny. Damn(ed) right

I bet the little wounded bunny wouldn't have called a man rude for saying the same thing. It's only women men think they can speak this way to.

EarlyModernEnglish · 08/12/2021 06:31

This has got to be the most frustrating thread in the history of mumsnet! Of course asking a question of someone who erroneously calls you at 7.20 isn’t rude!

People keep alluding to OP being a teacher and how it’s a ‘coincidence’ about the wrong number. But did she actually say she’s a teacher? She said she had a permanent job, not permanent teaching job 🤷‍♀️

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:00

@EarlyModernEnglish

This has got to be the most frustrating thread in the history of mumsnet! Of course asking a question of someone who erroneously calls you at 7.20 isn’t rude!

People keep alluding to OP being a teacher and how it’s a ‘coincidence’ about the wrong number. But did she actually say she’s a teacher? She said she had a permanent job, not permanent teaching job 🤷‍♀️

She says it in a post she made on the 1st November..... she's a teacher!
girlmom21 · 08/12/2021 07:23

@Stellaroses

Not rude. These type of agency calls are basically cold calls. Unless you are signed up to them of course. "You know nothing about my life" was unnecessary but until then you weren't rude.
They're not cold calls. He was looking for a supply teacher for the day. OP probably, although she denies it, signed up at some point. If not, somebody else has with a wrong number. That's all.
EarlyModernEnglish · 08/12/2021 07:28

She says it in a post she made on the 1st November..... she's a teacher!

What?? We’re supposed to be cross-referencing other threads now? This is bonkers!

Nevertheless, it’s not rude to ask a straightforward question (Why are you calling so early) especially if it’s a wrong number. It’s not as if she said “Why are you calling so early, dickhead?”

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:31

@EarlyModernEnglish

She says it in a post she made on the 1st November..... she's a teacher!

What?? We’re supposed to be cross-referencing other threads now? This is bonkers!

Nevertheless, it’s not rude to ask a straightforward question (Why are you calling so early) especially if it’s a wrong number. It’s not as if she said “Why are you calling so early, dickhead?”

No need to cross reference, but the advanced search facility is there. It does give context to threads.

I still say it's a MASSIVE coincidence that OP is a teacher and got called by a supply teacher recruiter.

The first very explicit recall of conversation never mentioned it was a wrong number, but changed when people jumped on saying YABU.

Interesting!

EarlyModernEnglish · 08/12/2021 07:39

No need to cross reference, but the advanced search facility is there. It does give context to threads.

Surely that’s the very definition of cross-referencing?!

Few threads attract as much investment as those where there’s the possibility of policing a woman’s behaviour!

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:41

@EarlyModernEnglish

No need to cross reference, but the advanced search facility is there. It does give context to threads.

Surely that’s the very definition of cross-referencing?!

Few threads attract as much investment as those where there’s the possibility of policing a woman’s behaviour!

Or seeing if she's omitting half the story to win favour.....
EarlyModernEnglish · 08/12/2021 07:44

All right, Miss Marple.

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:49

@EarlyModernEnglish

All right, Miss Marple.
Just gives perspective really!

Just SUCH a coincidence, it was the same field, you couldn't write it, could you?

LonginesPrime · 08/12/2021 08:25

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour?

Jeez, OP - all of this analysis from a supposedly wrong number?

Next time just don't engage in conversation with random callers until you've established who they are.

You're definitely reading too much into a 30-second phone call with a wrong number.

FrangipaniBlue · 08/12/2021 17:02

YANBU he was the rude one!!

First off, who the hell calls someone at 7.20 in the morning?

Secondly, you were perfectly within your rights to ask him to take you off their books, why on earth would he think think that was rude?

Entitled man who's seen his arse because a woman dared to not be sweetness and light.

tallduckandhandsome · 08/12/2021 17:03

@EarlyModernEnglish

All right, Miss Marple.
🤣
FrangipaniBlue · 08/12/2021 17:04

and all the people saying "you signed up to it"..... nope, not necessarily.

I am regularly contacted by recruiters who get my details from either linked in or old applications, and I'm talking YEARS old.

WomanStanleyWoman · 08/12/2021 17:46

Exactly. I got a call last year from an estate agent asking if I currently had tenants in my property - a property I haven’t owned since 2010. I pointed out that not only had I told them several times that I no longer owned it, but that I hadn’t found the tenants through them back when I did - I’d ditched them because they’re so useless!

Kennykenkencat · 08/12/2021 18:17

FrangipaniBlue

YANBU he was the rude one

First off, who the hell calls someone at 7.20 in the morning

An agency trying to notify someone that x school had someone off and could they get to the school by 9am

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 18:36

@FrangipaniBlue

and all the people saying "you signed up to it"..... nope, not necessarily.

I am regularly contacted by recruiters who get my details from either linked in or old applications, and I'm talking YEARS old.

It was a wrong number apparently...... disclosed after a number of posts stating she signed up for it!

Not disclosed in the opening post!

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 18:38

@FrangipaniBlue

YANBU he was the rude one!!

First off, who the hell calls someone at 7.20 in the morning?

Secondly, you were perfectly within your rights to ask him to take you off their books, why on earth would he think think that was rude?

Entitled man who's seen his arse because a woman dared to not be sweetness and light.

Recruiters trying to play supply teachers ring at that time in the morning.
FrangipaniBlue · 08/12/2021 19:20

@Kennykenkencat

FrangipaniBlue

YANBU he was the rude one

First off, who the hell calls someone at 7.20 in the morning

An agency trying to notify someone that x school had someone off and could they get to the school by 9am

Except that wasn't why he was calling the OP Hmm

If that WAS why he was calling I doubt she'd have asked why he was calling so early.

FrangipaniBlue · 08/12/2021 19:21

@Kennykenkencat ignore me I read your post wrong with no glasses on!!!!!

Kandinskysnail · 08/12/2021 21:05

It would be odd to be calling a teacher you haven’t been in touch with for months/years (even if they had signed up to your agency sometime ago) about a job that morning so it sounds like it probably was a wrong number in the sense of not the person he meant to call from his records, if not a totally random wrong number. Or he was chancing his arm as there is such a shortage of supply staff at the moment on someone he knew perfectly well hadn’t been looking for work for ages and knew what he was doing was rude. I also find it completely believable that the OP might not have signed up with them in the first place, as I’ve been contacted by agencies who somehow had my number without me ever having heard of them.
I found almost all the agents I worked with really front footed and aggressive trying to get you to take work. I liked my time doing supply, waking up at 6 and setting off to some random corner of London to some school I’d never seen before each week was a great challenge, apart from the dishonesty and pushiness of the agencies - being promised a school was 45 minutes away to find it was twice that, being told I’d be really letting them down if I didn’t take a role, arriving to find the school had been promised I had experience I didn’t or was available for a length of time I wasn't...

I switched between a few agencies and came away with a bad impression of them as an industry and in the end just worked with a few schools directly. Admittedly this was fifteen years ago and they may be more ethical nowadays…!

All in all, I think the OP’s description of the situation sounds plausible and I doubt she was any ruder than the man at the other end of the phone.

WayneBruce · 08/12/2021 21:27

Fair play he called you rude. You were.

Cbtb · 08/12/2021 21:29

I work in a different field (that also needs emergency on the day staff) but also have had issues with unscrupulous agencies ringing at all times to try and take work you don’t need and then being off with you when you demand to be taken off their records. They get numbers by asking their clients to name friends for money, unscrupulous calling of places of work pretending to be someone else to get details and sponsoring conferences and the like to get lists of numbers. They are awful and just won’t take no for an answer so if the teacher agencies are anything similar I can fully believe that they cold call old numbers when they are short

ambereeree · 08/12/2021 21:39

You were rude. Its not an easy job being a recruiter.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 21:52

God. People are so intolerant now. It was a wrong number, all you need to say is sorry not wrong number, not have a whole fight about why the poor bastard has to work so early.