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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:29

@Chasingaftermidnight

The OP should have spoken in a more deferential way that made it sound like she was the one in the wrong.

‘Sorry, um, I don’t think I’m registered with you, I actually have a permanent job, would it be ok if you took me off your books?’

Yes, as I said upthread, OP should have apologised for being the wrong woman.

namechangetheworld · 07/12/2021 14:32

@tallduckandhandsome

But she didn't say that, she said take me off your books. I do not understand why she said this, if she established it was a wrong number?

Because she's got a brain and wanted him off the phone so she can get on with her day.

If she had a brain, she would have answered the recruiter's original "Is this XX?" with a simple "No, wrong number", and swerved all of this nonsense completely.
girlmom21 · 07/12/2021 14:33

@Dinosaurhearmeroar

Yes, it was. He was on my carphone which is always a bit fuzzy so I presumed he said my name originally hence my comment of taking me off his books (I get PR emails from time to time but never calls). He then asked again if I was so and so and I said no.
You haven't put the full conversation in your OP, so I'd assume you were rude in the bits you missed out.
tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:34

If she had a brain, she would have answered the recruiter's original "Is this XX?" with a simple "No, wrong number", and swerved all of this nonsense completely.

Well that doesn't deal with the fact that her number on their database and that needed removing. Who knows why they have it.

BlusteringBoobies · 07/12/2021 14:35

I think it's all about perspective and you could
probably flip it either way to support an argument

tallduckandhandsome your assessment that the recruiter was in the wrong and rude in the first place would hold weight but the OP didn't tell him she wasn't the person he was calling. Quite possibly he dialled the right number and it's a mistype by the applicant (but I still think it's a massive coincidence it's a teacher agency and Op is a teacher)

So from his point of view
-he called someone who had signed up for supply teaching position
-he called them at a perfectly normal and reasonable time for supply teaching temp work
-he got an abrupt response on why he was calling so early (as is normal in this line of work)
-he was told she had a permanent position but could see the records hadn't been updated so was probably cross he had wasted time calling someone who didn't need the work
-he then suggested she was rude and got another curt reply of 'you know nothing about my life'

All of this could have easily been resolved if OP, when realising it wasn't a call for her had said 'sorry, that's not my name so I think you have the wrong number, can you remove this number from your list'.

Completely changes the conversation and I'd imagine the recruiter would have done so and possibly apologised instead of being confused why someone signed up with an agency would be a little arsey.

BlusteringBoobies · 07/12/2021 14:37

Oh and if it is a simple case of wrong number and OP hasn't corrected the recruiter then she's just removed someone from a database who could very well be desperate for work, rather than stating the number was wrong and leaving the recruiters to correct it with the right person who is looking for work.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:39

OMG now OP is responsible for making someone unemployed Grin

fairycakes1234 · 07/12/2021 14:40

I think you were a bit rude, i dont think i could talk to someone like that, there could be a reason why he rang so early and you could have asked him instead of being rude...

namechangetheworld · 07/12/2021 14:41

@tallduckandhandsome

If she had a brain, she would have answered the recruiter's original "Is this XX?" with a simple "No, wrong number", and swerved all of this nonsense completely.

Well that doesn't deal with the fact that her number on their database and that needed removing. Who knows why they have it.

Presumably simple human error? Either the person the call was intended for gave the wrong number, or someone at the office misheard or typed it in wrong? Or, more than likely, the OP was actually signed up to the agency and has changed her story after initially not getting the responses she wanted.
dworky · 07/12/2021 14:44

If you make an unsolicited phonecall to someone, you should expect them to be short with you. That's what you were, certainly not rude.

Kennykenkencat · 07/12/2021 14:45

Not interested, please take me off your list" is not rude, it's direct, practical and useful to the caller

And the person who had jumped through hoops to get on this agency is deleted off the system without being told and is left waiting for work that will never come.

ElftonWednesday

You do realise that in order to get on an agencies books you have to have an extended dbs check and have several other checks done in you before you work with children

This person won’t be phoning up anyone on the off chance they can work that day.

Its a good job he didn’t say thank you and put the phone down

At least him asking again if this was X meant at least he realised op wasn’t on the books and he had dialled a wrong number

Werehamster · 07/12/2021 14:46

For what it is worth, I am a usually polite person but I can be really grumpy and rude when disturbed in the morning. I also deal with cold callers by saying no, thank you and hanging up.

So, while the OP may have been rude. I don't think it's a big deal. These things happen. It sounds like it was all just a misunderstanding on both parts.

Offmyfence · 07/12/2021 14:49

Presumably simple human error? Either the person the call was intended for gave the wrong number, or someone at the office misheard or typed it in wrong?
Or, more than likely, the OP was actually signed up to the agency and has changed her story after initially not getting the responses she wanted.

Exactly, a very extensive OP and then suddenly remembered that they had the wrong person.........How that was established after the recruiter said no need to be rude, I am not sure!

TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 14:52

@BlusteringBoobies

I think it's all about perspective and you could probably flip it either way to support an argument

tallduckandhandsome your assessment that the recruiter was in the wrong and rude in the first place would hold weight but the OP didn't tell him she wasn't the person he was calling. Quite possibly he dialled the right number and it's a mistype by the applicant (but I still think it's a massive coincidence it's a teacher agency and Op is a teacher)

So from his point of view
-he called someone who had signed up for supply teaching position
-he called them at a perfectly normal and reasonable time for supply teaching temp work
-he got an abrupt response on why he was calling so early (as is normal in this line of work)
-he was told she had a permanent position but could see the records hadn't been updated so was probably cross he had wasted time calling someone who didn't need the work
-he then suggested she was rude and got another curt reply of 'you know nothing about my life'

All of this could have easily been resolved if OP, when realising it wasn't a call for her had said 'sorry, that's not my name so I think you have the wrong number, can you remove this number from your list'.

Completely changes the conversation and I'd imagine the recruiter would have done so and possibly apologised instead of being confused why someone signed up with an agency would be a little arsey.

Why does the OP have to apologise for someone else getting the wrong number?
ElftonWednesday · 07/12/2021 14:54

This person won’t be phoning up anyone on the off chance they can work that day

Why phone so early then?

And if the agency have someone else's details wrong that is the other person and the agency's problem, nothing to do with the OP.

ElftonWednesday · 07/12/2021 14:57

^So from his point of view
-he called someone who had signed up for supply teaching position
-he called them at a perfectly normal and reasonable time for supply teaching temp work
-he got an abrupt response on why he was calling so early (as is normal in this line of work)
-he was told she had a permanent position but could see the records hadn't been updated so was probably cross he had wasted time calling someone who didn't need the work
-he then suggested she was rude and got another curt reply of 'you know nothing about my life^

None of which is the OP's problem. He should be been apologising for wasting her time.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 15:07

All of this could have easily been resolved if OP, when realising it wasn't a call for her had said 'sorry, that's not my name so I think you have the wrong number, can you remove this number from your list'.

Why does the OP have to apologise for someone else getting the wrong number?

Exactly @TractorAndHeadphones

Offmyfence · 07/12/2021 15:08

I still find it strange that the wrong number as for a recruiter for teachers and just happened to get OP (who is a teacher).

So very odd.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 15:09

The urge to placate men seems instinctive in a lot of us women. It's good to see people like OP fight that urge.

BlusteringBoobies · 07/12/2021 15:11

Take the sorry out of my sentence then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I stand by the rest of my post

The recruiter finishes the call without knowing they have the wrong number as OP hasn't told them.... so in their eyes, OP was abrupt and possibly rude

BlusteringBoobies · 07/12/2021 15:11

@Offmyfence

I still find it strange that the wrong number as for a recruiter for teachers and just happened to get OP (who is a teacher).

So very odd.

100% this.
girlmom21 · 07/12/2021 15:21

@tallduckandhandsome

The urge to placate men seems instinctive in a lot of us women. It's good to see people like OP fight that urge.
Being rude isn't the same as resisting the urge to placate men.

He was doing his job. What would your response be if she'd have spoken to a woman?

Werehamster · 07/12/2021 15:23

Why does the OP have to apologise for someone else getting the wrong number?

I think it is more polite to say "Sorry, wrong number" than just "Wrong number", which does sound rude. You aren't apologising for their mistake but more acknowledging that they have feelings. It's just basic manners, I think. Like when MNers saying No is a complete sentence, but to just say "No" can be perceived as rude, so a "No, thank you" often comes across as more polite.

namechangetheworld · 07/12/2021 15:24

@tallduckandhandsome

The urge to placate men seems instinctive in a lot of us women. It's good to see people like OP fight that urge.
Being unnecessarily rude to someone trying to do their job, simply because they're male isn't feminism. It's being a dick.
hangrylady · 07/12/2021 15:26

Yes you were rude. If you hadn't informed the agency you were no longer available them I assume they were calling that early to get a supply teacher for the same day. If you're ever looking for supply work in future don't be surprised if that agency doesn't call you, there will be a note on your record that you were rude.