Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
Offmyfence · 07/12/2021 14:12

Exactly! People will tie themselves in knots trying to prove a woman is unreasonable.

It was not a cold call, it was an error, we all make them, so unless OP has never made an error and there has been a lot of adding to this post to correct the information. Then she was rude.

Honestly, the lengths some will go to, to defend a woman in the wrong.

bordermidgebite · 07/12/2021 14:13

It doesn't matter exactly why she ended up being phoneD

They have her number
They shouldn't

Who knows why

She just needs it to stop
She doesn't need to get into a chat
She doesn't need to make him feel ok about it

Rude would be
Putting phone straight down with no words
Swearing

bordermidgebite · 07/12/2021 14:14

It's not rude
It's just a simple request
It doesn't need fancy wrapping

BogRollBOGOF · 07/12/2021 14:15

OP cross-posted while I was writing my original reply.

Being focused on making your way to work is not the ideal time to fathom out why you are receiving an unsolicited phone call.
It makes sense from the agency's angle that they were phoning for a supply teacher for the day, but as it was a wrong number for OP and she wasn't expecting this conversation it was an odd and inconvenient time. OP did not make the original error.

Years ago we had some quotes for double glazing. DH did the work himself. 18m I was still receiving cold calls about this work and got fed up of politely stating that we were not interested thank you, and the final time I was more brusque and stated directly that the work had been done 18m ago and to remove us from the data base thank you. In response, I was sworn at. I doubt that DH would have recieved that reaction.
Not only have they lost us as potential customers on further works that have arisen, but when the topic has come up in conversation, I've told other people about being sworn at for being direct after a series of cold calls.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:16

@Offmyfence

Exactly! People will tie themselves in knots trying to prove a woman is unreasonable.

It was not a cold call, it was an error, we all make them, so unless OP has never made an error and there has been a lot of adding to this post to correct the information. Then she was rude.

Honestly, the lengths some will go to, to defend a woman in the wrong.

If it was in error, he would have or should have said 'sorry, i meant to call Peggy Sue, have a good day, bye'. Not accuse OP of being rude after HE fucked up.
ElftonWednesday · 07/12/2021 14:18

I thought the OP's reply was perfect. Direct, not wasting any more of his time in something which she would not be interested and a quick reason as to why. None of which she owes him at all.

Recruiters send out loads of emails which are ignored and deleted and make loads of calls which go to voicemail. Now there is one less person to call/email.

BirdyBirdyTweetTweet · 07/12/2021 14:18

Yeah you were

Starseeking · 07/12/2021 14:19

The caller was right to call you out as rude. It costs nothing to be polite to people who are only doing their job, even if you don't like the job they are doing.

TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 14:19

@namechangetheworld

Why did the OP ask to be taken off of the recruiter's books, when she claims it was a wrong number? Mighty strange that the enormous dripfeed only occurred after the responses weren't quite to her liking.
Because phone numbers have a funny way of ending up in recruiters’ databases. I get quite a few cold calls and they won’t even give me a straight reply as to how they got my number
ElftonWednesday · 07/12/2021 14:20

I think some posters here wouldn't be happy unless she went out to dinner with him. Fucking doormats.

Offmyfence · 07/12/2021 14:20

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX.

@tallduckandhandsome OP didn't say she wasn't the other person! So SHE also fucked up, or was that just an error because she's a woman?

Offmyfence · 07/12/2021 14:21

@ElftonWednesday

I think some posters here wouldn't be happy unless she went out to dinner with him. Fucking doormats.
Hilarious! Some of us see ourselves as equals to men and don't assume that they're rude to us because we are women.
tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:22

@Werehamster

If she was x, he would have recognised her.

As it is, from his response, it shows he was a cold caller. Otherwise he'd have said 'are you not x?'.

So OP was not rude.

Well, not necessarily at all. It read to me that xxx had signed up to the agency so he was making contact. He was probably quite confused that xxx was being so rude when she was the one who had applied for a position there.

Why on Earth would a recruiter for supply teachers be cold calling people? It makes no sense whatsoever.

Here's why, from @DillonPanthersTexas's post

I'm a freelance contractor, sadly my CV has made its way onto the books of various agencies without my permission so I get loads of calls. Sometimes the tone of these agents is quite aggressive and curt which does rile me when it is them cold calling me without even bothering to introduce themselves. The agent in the OPs situation is in the wrong industry if he feels her response is 'rude'

Kennykenkencat · 07/12/2021 14:22

tallduckandhandsome

But she didn't say that, she said take me off your books. I do not understand why she said this, if she established it was a wrong number

Because she's got a brain and wanted him off the phone so she can get on with her day

Actually she asked a question. Not exactly a response you use if you want someone off the phone quickly.

Interested to know why people think this was someone cold calling.

The agency family member belongs to don’t really do much advertising. Definitely don’t do cold calling. To get taken on by the agency is incredibly hard.

ElftonWednesday · 07/12/2021 14:22

"Not interested, please take me off your list" is not rude, it's direct, practical and useful to the caller.

"Fuck off you wanker, who the fuck do you think you are calling me at this hour?" is rude.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:23

@Offmyfence

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX.

@tallduckandhandsome OP didn't say she wasn't the other person! So SHE also fucked up, or was that just an error because she's a woman?

No, she didn't fuck up because she is not the person calling the wrong person at 7.20am.

Honestly, people - again - this is basic shit.

Kennykenkencat · 07/12/2021 14:24

tallduckandhandsome

But DillonPanthersTexas is a contractor not a supply teacher. Completely different industry.

CaptSkippy · 07/12/2021 14:24

You were a bit curt perhaps, but not rude. I don't think I would have been very friendly to get a call at 7:20 in the morning when I am busy getting ready for work and even less so on my days off when I sleep untill 8 on average.

Also, keep in mind that the standards for rude behavior are different for men than they are for women.

YANBU

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:26

@Kennykenkencat

tallduckandhandsome

But she didn't say that, she said take me off your books. I do not understand why she said this, if she established it was a wrong number

Because she's got a brain and wanted him off the phone so she can get on with her day

Actually she asked a question. Not exactly a response you use if you want someone off the phone quickly.

Interested to know why people think this was someone cold calling.

The agency family member belongs to don’t really do much advertising. Definitely don’t do cold calling. To get taken on by the agency is incredibly hard.

She worked out quickly that she didn't want this guy to have her number on her database and dealt with it. That is to be commended.
tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 14:26

*his

Offmyfence · 07/12/2021 14:27

Never made a mistake @tallduckandhandsome , would it have been better if the recruiter were female?

Maybe the recruiter wasn't at fault, as in he'd be given the wrong number by the applicant?

TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 14:27

@Werehamster my number isn’t anywhere online either. Which is why I’m Hmm as to how recruiters have it.

ElftonWednesday · 07/12/2021 14:27

Also if the caller was looking for a supply teacher at short notice, surely the OP's reply would enable him to end the call quickly and get on and phone the next person? She did him a favour by not engaging him in conversation and by giving prompt and useful information.

ElftonWednesday · 07/12/2021 14:29

@Offmyfence

Never made a mistake *@tallduckandhandsome* , would it have been better if the recruiter were female?

Maybe the recruiter wasn't at fault, as in he'd be given the wrong number by the applicant?

It would have been better if the recruiter had not behaved like an entitled dick and just said "Thank you" and put the phone down, like a normal person.
JustLikea · 07/12/2021 14:29

Not rude just blunt.