DD and charging rent?

[Nolongerachild]

Long time poster, NC. Need some advice please, in case I am not being reasonable.
Single mum, no partner. DD living at home, and has finished her Masters, and started new job with a good salary.
I feel I should start charging her rent to include bills and food. Does £500 a month sound OK? My rent is £1300 a month, CT is £170 and who knows what energy bills will be this year but guessing around £100 a month. Then there’s water, internet and our food bill. She has to pay her mobile and her transport (no car). I just feel I need to put more into my pension, and I have literally nothing left at the end of every month. We’re in Bristol area, for my work, but it suits her very well for now. If she moved out I’d get a lodger. I’d really appreciate any advice particularly if someone else has had similar experiences. DD is 24. Thanks.

This is why we have so many selfish, supposedly clever, but totally unprepared for the world graduates crippled with anxiety because they’re unable to cope with real life.

This would be a totally valid point if a child had never left home, Pink, then I would 100% be in agreement with you.

But I am assuming here that graduates have learnt how to pay rent, bills, cover their food, travel etc while at university, in which case they have had 3-4 years of coping with real life. I didn't get involved in any of that while they weren't living at home. I'm just not convinced that a short period living back in the family home is going to set them back that much.

So you want your DD to pay your pension contributions?

ffs,

YANBU. £500 presumably includes food and bills too? She's getting an absolute bargain there.

These threads drive me mad.

If you can afford to support other adults in your household, that's great. Good for you.

But most people can reasonably expect (or would have reasonably expected, 24 years ago when OP had her daughter) that their adult children would have long flown the nest by 24.

Parents can't be morally expected to financially support their children their entire life, and 24 is plenty old enough to get herself in a house share if she doesn't want to pay what will amount (with £130 for her half of the council tax and bills, and say £100 for food) to £270 a month rent.

It's not terrible parenting not to be able to factor supporting a whole other adult in your life when said adult is earning a wage.

@CatsArePeople

So you want your DD to pay your pension contributions?

Jesus Christ.

@MorningStarling

£500 seems grossly excessive given that she's your daughter. I think it's wrong that you basically want your daughter to pay your pension fund for you. It would be more sensible to say she has to pay £500 into her pension each month, or maybe split 50/50 between her pension and a savings account to put towards a deposit on a property of her own. It's not right to squeeze money out of your own children, the parent should be giving money to their child, not the other way around.

Jesus Christ again.

I paid £650 at 18 as that was the average for rent and bills in our area at the time. If she's got a good salary, why should you subsidies her?

My view is not as bizarre as @HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend thinking it’s wrong to make your ADULT child pay anything towards their keep no matter what?

Firstly I didn’t say it was wrong either, I simply said it’s not something I personally wouldn’t do!

It’s not bizarre to have different morals/values in life.

I grew up in multiple foster care homes with absolutely no stability and at 16 I was left to fend for myself.

I am not a martyr in ensuring I provide that security for my children, my children learn key skills by earning their own incomes at the age of 12 and 15, be that in their paid jobs or there household chores/family members chores etc.... they learn to budget and save for things they want and if they don’t do their chores their chore money gets reduced/taken away completely.

They save half their incomes from their paid jobs, because we teach them the value of hard work and responsibility etc...

They also need to keep good behaviour and grades at school/home to be allowed to do their privileged activities, if they don’t those those privileges removed.

All of the above will help aid them when they go into full time employment and move to their own home, at the moment what we do is age appropriate for them currently.

For me your also not teaching your children those key skills simply because they hand their board money at the end of the week/month, you need to actively involve and teach them to be financially independent.

Just because someone doesn’t pay rent does not mean they don’t learn key life and financial skills, again personally I don’t believe board money should come into it, however that my personal opinion and I don’t believe it’s wrong for someone to do this, personally it’s something me and my his and would personally never do.

At 16 - I moved to another country alone, had a full time job, in full time education, plus my own home paying full bills with no support behind me, except from my now husband who was also 17 at the time, my childhood wasn’t traditional and my own children will never have to experience even a quarter of what I had to.

Apologies for the multitude of grammatical errors trying to message on a broken phone screen.

I personally would do

Jesus Christ.

it is fair enough to re-evaluate your financial situation and accomodation. It is fair enough to want to spend money on yourself after you've done raising a kid. Does the OP actually want her DD to continue living at home?
But wanting to profit from your own kid while maintaining control... a bit immoral.

@Snoozer11

£500 sounds like almost market rate. I wouldn't charge my child that much.

Where could you live all bills included for £500 ?

@Mandofan

£500 is ridiculous. Your pension isn’t her responsibility

What is wrong with people? OPs DD is an adult, why should she not pay her way?? OP obviously not getting the single person CT discount because DD is living there. No way could DD get a house share with CT, bills and food included!! DD needs to get a taste of reality and responsibility. Go OP.

I charge my adult son £325 and for that he gets enormous loft room, shower room to himself, BT Sport, Sky Sport, Virgin movies, Net Flux, Disney +, all in his room, an unlisted sim car for Virgin mobile, Virgin Go on mobile, rediculously fast internet, his cat food and flea and worm treatment, his food and laundry/toiletries. He is saving hard into a LISA for his deposit otherwise he would be paying £400. He only earns about £21,500 pa.

No way I would charge her, I would hope she would raise it with you though and put whatever she feels comfortable with towards bills

@CatsArePeople

Jesus Christ.

it is fair enough to re-evaluate your financial situation and accomodation. It is fair enough to want to spend money on yourself after you've done raising a kid. Does the OP actually want her DD to continue living at home?
But wanting to profit from your own kid while maintaining control... a bit immoral.

The Op

isn't making a profit ,she's expecting her adult working daughter to pay her way ,are people really so stuck in their Mumsnet middle class bubble to not realise that not all parents have the finances to allow their adult child to live at home for free 🤔

not all parents have the finances to allow their adult child to live at home for free

so the adult child moves out - are the parents going to downsize?

Well I'm middle class and would totally expect my sons to pay their way in similar circumstances. I'm raising them to be independent adults not parasites. The OP is quite right to be thinking of her pension, she's done her bit and clearly done it well as her daughter is qualified and earning well. Now's the time for her to stand on her own two feet a bit and let her mum make provision for her old age.

@CatsArePeople if the dd moves out her mum's costs will be lower. Lower bills, less council tax. Or she can let the room to someone who would pay her to live there.

ground hog day

@Moonface123

This post just proves how inept most people are at understanding a situation different to their own, how bloody helpful is it for the OP to be told by the smug ones " We dont charge rent, or we take x amount and keep it in savings for them for later ? " I personally don't know of any single parents in real life who are in a position to do this. OP l would have posted this specifically in lone parents section to avoid some of the totally irelevant and pointless replies.

I don't know any 24 year olds who aren't studying and don't expect to contribute rent either.

For those saying you shouldn't take money off your child to cover living costs.... what age WOULD you consider that they need to become financially independent? 30? 40????

@CatsArePeople

not all parents have the finances to allow their adult child to live at home for free

so the adult child moves out - are the parents going to downsize?

Thé OP said she would have a lodger if DC moved out. And DCs have costs. Lost of single council tax, more water and gas and electric, food.

And DCs have costs. Lost of single council tax, more water and gas and electric, food.

Yes and no. Food, utilities - maybe. But not rent/mortgage, not tv/internet. etc.

I think £350 id charge.

I take £200 per month from ds.

I take £200 per month from ds.