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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD and charging rent?

233 replies

Nolongerachild · 06/12/2021 22:37

Long time poster, NC. Need some advice please, in case I am not being reasonable.
Single mum, no partner. DD living at home, and has finished her Masters, and started new job with a good salary.
I feel I should start charging her rent to include bills and food. Does £500 a month sound OK? My rent is £1300 a month, CT is £170 and who knows what energy bills will be this year but guessing around £100 a month. Then there’s water, internet and our food bill. She has to pay her mobile and her transport (no car). I just feel I need to put more into my pension, and I have literally nothing left at the end of every month. We’re in Bristol area, for my work, but it suits her very well for now. If she moved out I’d get a lodger. I’d really appreciate any advice particularly if someone else has had similar experiences. DD is 24. Thanks.

OP posts:
julieca · 07/12/2021 15:02

@catndogslife

£500 including accommodation costs, all bills including food plus council tax is a reasonable deal. However given that you live in rented accommodation you need to discuss with your dd whether she is willing to be named on the tenancy agreement when it's next up for renewal given that she's now an earning adult.
That is a very bad idea. It means if the OP lost her job or got ill the DD could be legally liable for the rent or any debt incurred from the OP not being able to pay the rent.
catndogslife · 07/12/2021 16:52

It's up to the OP to discuss with her adult daughter. But if she decides to charge "rent" then the daughter is effectively subletting which may be in breach of the tenancy agreement and the dd would have no protection if for example the landlord wanted to end the tenancy for any reason.
This issue is much more complicated for a rental than for homeowner families.

Original poster
Nolongerachild · 07/12/2021 17:04

Wow! Thank you everyone for your suggestions and (mostly) your empathy. As I said, we will have the conversation this evening while all this is still fresh in my mind.
In particular, thank you to @BrightonOrLancaster, @vodkaredbullgirl, @ikeptgoing, @billy1966, @AhNowTed, @RockinHorseShit, @thing47, @x2boys, @NovemberNovemberDarkNights and @worriedatthemoment who are all about to get an annoying notification, just for having said nice things, and given sound advice, for which I am really grateful.

OP posts:
londonrach · 07/12/2021 17:59

Sounds fair to me especially if food including. I paid similar to my parents 20 years ago and it a bargain...food on table, car tyres pumped up and covered in the cold. Washing done.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 07/12/2021 18:54

@fairynick

I’m 24 living back at home, on not much more than minimum wage, and this is what I pay to my DM. Half of the rent (it’s housing association so only £400pm, meaning I only pay £200) I buy all my own food apart from things like salt teabags etc. If we run out of washing up liquid, shampoo etc I’ll always run to the shops. I top up the gas and electric the odd tenner here and there. £500 sounds a lot to me, but if it’s all inclusive and you have a much higher rent than my mum, then it sounds about right.
What about. Council tax? The odd tenner towards the utilities isn't much either. There is gas, electric, water, broadband,
Furrydogmum · 07/12/2021 19:26

If you need the money it's fine, talk to your daughter, she wouldn't be able to move out and only spend £500..

tinkywinkyshandbag · 07/12/2021 19:47

I think it all depends on market rent where you are. Have a look at spare rooms dot com to see what a room
In a house share would cost. Round here it would easily cost £1500 a month to rent a house and £500 for a house share would be about right. She's an adult, she's got a good job, she should make a fair contribution.

Daffodil123456 · 07/12/2021 20:39

At 24 I had my own place

x2boys · 07/12/2021 20:46

@Daffodil123456

At 24 I had my own place
I had my own place at 24 too but that was 24 years ago when rent was much cheaper and I lived in greater Manchester and still live there in fact I now live in a council house and my rent for a two bed is even cheaper But I don't live in Bristol with a parent ,I still think £500 all in is cheap particularly if I had no other outgoings .
Midlifemusings · 07/12/2021 22:23

I lived back at home for a couple years around OPs DD's age and I definitely paid my expenses. I was an adult, saw myself as an adult, and wanted to have adult responsibilities. I would never have wanted to burden them and expect them to finance my adult life. I liked the independence too, I wasn't a child and didn't need to be looked after like a dependent child. I can't imagine working full time in a good job and not contributing to the any of your expenses and just expecting others to pay your way. I would have been embarrassed to mooch off others as an adult.

Enough4me · 07/12/2021 22:40

Hi OP, please let us know how the discussion went.

CallMeNutribullet · 07/12/2021 22:52

Plenty of privileged people getting up in arms about you asking an adult with a good job to start paying their way. Actually is IS something to do with ops DD if having a 24 year old living at home and not paying her way means op is struggling to pay into her pension. If she wasn't living there op could take in a lodger and get much more.
Of course if she thinks she can find a cheaper house share ops DD is free to do that

PinkSyCo · 13/12/2021 03:03

personally I’d never charge my children rent to live at home.*

You plan on infantilising your offspring forever? How sad.

PinkSyCo · 13/12/2021 03:07

OP £800 is more than I and many other people have left to play with/save at the end of every month. Don’t listen to the privileged posters on here who are happy to keep their equally privileged kids reliant on them for ever.

Sandinmyknickers · 13/12/2021 06:31

I was your DD and lived at home for a bit after graduating. As soon as I had a job, I brought the conversation up with my mum as to how much I would pay and we sat down and worked it out. I can't imagine just expecting my mum to house her adult daughter for free whilst I sit there and eat her food and generally have all the perks of living at home (which is very different to a housewares or flatmate). Im surprised it hadn't come up already!! Have the talk, and I'm sure as two adults (who also care about each other), I'm sure you will work out an appropriate amount between you.

Sandinmyknickers · 13/12/2021 06:33

I also would not want my mums pension to be suffering so I could live rent free. Also ultimately, if my mum ends up broke in her retirement, I would see that as my problem too

mogschristmascalamity · 13/12/2021 07:06

I paid 25% of my wages to my parents for board & keep 30 years ago.

I would definitely ask your daughter to contribute. Best to have a discussion to see what she says.

FlipFlops4Me · 13/12/2021 07:12

My parents always charged me one third of my net. That included absolutely everything - food, hot water, mum's home cooking, heating, a comfortable private room and use of every facility in the house. I thought that was more than reasonable, and when I left home I wasn't too horrified by the bills I had to pay because I was used to paying out.

tallduckandhandsome · 13/12/2021 07:36

How did the talk go, OP?

thing47 · 13/12/2021 11:20

@PinkSyCo

personally I’d never charge my children rent to live at home.*

You plan on infantilising your offspring forever? How sad.

What a bizarre view of a parent-child relationship. I'm not infantilising my adult children because they have both lived at home for periods post-university. I actually like having them live with me. I'm mortgage-free so I don't need to charge them rent, though they do buy their own food, run their own cars etc.

OP does need the money so she is perfectly reasonable to ask for rent.

PinkSyCo · 13/12/2021 13:00

My view is not as bizarre as @HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend thinking it’s wrong to make your ADULT child pay anything towards their keep no matter what? This is why we have so many selfish, supposedly clever, but totally unprepared for the world graduates crippled with anxiety because they’re unable to cope with real life.

witsendeverytime · 13/12/2021 13:26

If my kid were to be still living at home I wouldn't charge rent but I'd expect them to be saving the equivalent for when they do it to buy a car or whatever. I'd expect them to contribute to food costs.

hettie · 13/12/2021 13:41

£500 would be a room in a house share in Bristol (and in not the nicest most convenient area either). She'd then have to pay bills etc.. So it's a pretty good deal. Tbh I don't understand why you would encourage your adult children to live with you by giving them a rent free bonus ball (even if you can afford it). I get people like having their kids around, but you are keeping them in a perpetual adult child dynamic if you don't encourage them to leave. The shitty hard choices of adulthood (what do I spend my very limited wage in, nicer accomodation or going out, holidays or decent food etc, should I get extra qualifications/retrain...) are tough. But the learning through making those choices is so important. They need to transition to adulthood is important and our job is to enable them to make those tough chpices not to enable them avoiding them....

julieca · 13/12/2021 13:44

Sad to see those with money berating those without money for having to make different choices to them.

Moonface123 · 13/12/2021 14:12

This post just proves how inept most people are at understanding a situation different to their own, how bloody helpful is it for the OP to be told by the smug ones " We dont charge rent, or we take x amount and keep it in savings for them for later ? "

I personally don't know of any single parents in real life who are in a position to do this.
OP l would have posted this specifically in lone parents section to avoid some of the totally irelevant and pointless replies.