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Original poster

DD and charging rent?

233 replies

Nolongerachild · 06/12/2021 22:37

Long time poster, NC. Need some advice please, in case I am not being reasonable.
Single mum, no partner. DD living at home, and has finished her Masters, and started new job with a good salary.
I feel I should start charging her rent to include bills and food. Does £500 a month sound OK? My rent is £1300 a month, CT is £170 and who knows what energy bills will be this year but guessing around £100 a month. Then there’s water, internet and our food bill. She has to pay her mobile and her transport (no car). I just feel I need to put more into my pension, and I have literally nothing left at the end of every month. We’re in Bristol area, for my work, but it suits her very well for now. If she moved out I’d get a lodger. I’d really appreciate any advice particularly if someone else has had similar experiences. DD is 24. Thanks.

OP posts:
BrightonOrLancaster · 07/12/2021 08:54

So with your proposed £500 she will actually be spending even less to live than when she was a student.

Her boyfriend stays over regularly...I mean that's the kind of thing that can really get on peoples tits when you're house sharing. Your plan is fine OP, do it.

PooWillyNameChange · 07/12/2021 08:54

@AhNowTed

Honestly some of the posters on here, guilt tripping a person in a far different financial situation, ought to be ashamed of themselves.

And, regardless of my own finances, yes I absolutely charge my working adult children.

You're doing them no favours whatsoever teaching them that life is for free.

I agree with this. What good will it do to have her have a level of disposable income she may never get to replicate?

We are comfortable and I will charge kids rent when they work full time, if they choose to live here. Granted we are likely to gift them more in the way of deposits/university support but even if we couldn't I still would. I don't think you're obliged to financially support your kids forever, where does it end?

AhNowTed · 07/12/2021 08:55

@littlepieces

Depends if you want her to stay? Or do you want to encourage her to move out? Because she could get a decent room in a houseshare in Bristol for that or less. And for not much more she could rent her own place. Maybe consider getting a lodger if you need the money, don't use your daughter to top up your pension, that's a bit weird imo.

She is not "using her daughter". For gods sake!

She is asking her adult working daughter to pay a reasonable amount towards living costs.

BrightonOrLancaster · 07/12/2021 08:55

@littlepieces
Because she could get a decent room in a houseshare in Bristol for that or less. And for not much more she could rent her own place

We've already covered that and no, she absolutely couldn't, not when you include bills, council tax and food and drink.

littlepieces · 07/12/2021 08:56

Ps. I agree she should pay rent to cover costs, but not at a profit.

Fr0thandBubble · 07/12/2021 08:56

Personally, my priority would be helping my child get on the housing ladder. I’d be asking her to pay a set amount into a savings account for that purpose. That generation are pretty screwed housing-wise without help from their parents. If you can’t afford to contribute to their deposit, the least you could do is let them live with you rent-free.

Having said that, it sounds like you are in a pretty perilous position yourself finance-wise, if you are still renting and have nothing left at the end of the month, so I don’t know what the answer is.

x2boys · 07/12/2021 09:11

@Fr0thandBubble

Personally, my priority would be helping my child get on the housing ladder. I’d be asking her to pay a set amount into a savings account for that purpose. That generation are pretty screwed housing-wise without help from their parents. If you can’t afford to contribute to their deposit, the least you could do is let them live with you rent-free.

Having said that, it sounds like you are in a pretty perilous position yourself finance-wise, if you are still renting and have nothing left at the end of the month, so I don’t know what the answer is.

As the op can't afford to keep a roof over her head and financially support her adult working daughter ,the priority is surely not being homeless ,in an an ideal world it must be lovely to live rent free on a good wage whilst mummy saves you a healthy deposit , unfortunately we don't all have that luxury .
CaMePlaitPas · 07/12/2021 09:21

No I wouldn't use my child to pay half my rent. I wouldn't even take a symbolic amount to "teach them about real life", kids know the world is hard already without their parents dipping into their salary. My rent/mortgage is my responsibility, it's not a house share.

Fr0thandBubble · 07/12/2021 09:23

I get it, I just really feel for that generation - those of us who are middle-aged had it so much easier than them. How are they ever meant to be able to afford a decent house with house prices what they are today? It’s terrifying.

BurntO · 07/12/2021 09:24

i agree with charging but I feel £500 is ALOT to pay to live a home on your first job. Maybe £250

ssd · 07/12/2021 09:27

The thing is, right now you know where you are with her. But if she pays you 500 a month. Splits from boyfriend and has a few random one night stands in her room, like she would if she moved out and had freedom,,would you be on here complaining?

RockinHorseShit · 07/12/2021 09:53

To those of you commenting that £500 is too expensive. Do your frigging research before trying to make the OP feel bad that she's over charging her DDHmm

£500/£550 is VERY cheap in Bristol, especially inclusive of bills

www.onthemarket.com/to-rent/house-share/bristol/

ssd · 07/12/2021 09:56

Of course its cheap. But comparing living at home and paying rent to mum is way different from independence

julieca · 07/12/2021 09:58

@ssd The OP has said she would have a lodger in if DD moved out. This isn't a well off person who is charging to make a point.

Mermaidkisses · 07/12/2021 10:00

I charge my 25 year old son £500 per month to live at home - its a 1/3 of the household outgoings and there is no way he could live as he does now for the same amount away from home. He agrees that its a fair amount, it also includes having his washing and ironing done! :)

RockinHorseShit · 07/12/2021 10:01

Of course it is @SSD, that's why it's cheaper than the going rate & it's priceless in terms of teaching DD the value of money & paying her way.

If the DD wants the freedom of her own place at a later date, then she puts her hand in her pocket & pays the going rate elsewhere. It's not rocket science

Tee20x · 07/12/2021 10:01

£500 is a lot. She's your daughter not a lodger so I think charging her almost half is unfair. What will you do if she moves out? Will you manage on your own or will you be downsizing to get somewhere you can afford on your own?

She could deffo afford to move out and rent somewhere with friends or houseshare for £500. I'm in London and that's possible here.

What is her salary? Will she be able to save to ultimately get out of your place or is charging £500 going to set her back.

Tee20x · 07/12/2021 10:03

Also I don't get those saying oh she needs to know life isn't free and paying her way bla bla bla. People don't live in clouds and don't need to be charged extortionate rental prices to know that rent and bills exist. Especially if they're the age of 24 and probably have other bills and expenses.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2021 10:04

When op dd moves out, there will be less electric to pay as well as other out goings.

RockinHorseShit · 07/12/2021 10:07

Also I don't get those saying oh she needs to know life isn't free and paying her way bla bla bla. People don't live in clouds and don't need to be charged extortionate rental prices to know that rent and bills exist. Especially if they're the age of 24 and probably have other bills and expenses.

Christ & you wonder why there's so many posts on here & complaints in RL that our teens & twenty somethings are lazy entitled fukwits. This is exactly how they are made

I'm sure the DM has plenty of other bills too🙄

myusernamewastakenbyme · 07/12/2021 10:07

I'm in a similar situation to Op...single mum...one 23 year old son at home...he pays me £200 a month to live here and buys all his own food...however i am mortgage free so my sons contribution goes towards the utility costs and the extra council tax.

ssd · 07/12/2021 10:07

@RockinHorseShit

Of course it is *@SSD*, that's why it's cheaper than the going rate & it's priceless in terms of teaching DD the value of money & paying her way.

If the DD wants the freedom of her own place at a later date, then she puts her hand in her pocket & pays the going rate elsewhere. It's not rocket science

I kinda dont care either way. My 23 yr old has just finished a masters and is paying rent and bills in a flat share. I leave him to it, its up to him. If the op has to ask a bunch of random strangers if its ok then frankly they both need a good shake.
julieca · 07/12/2021 10:09

@Tee20x OP said if her DD moves out, she will get a lodger.

RockinHorseShit · 07/12/2021 10:12

Bully for you. You aren't even dealing with the situation the OP is, but you still thought it okay to try & shame her... what, what did you gain from that

& OP is clearly gauging what's fair & why not... though with Bristol an expensive area to live compared to much of the rest of the country, it's become clear that people predominantly base their replies on their own areas, otherwise they'd realise that the OP is far from ripping her DD off

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/12/2021 10:13

My DD is in a house share not that far from Bristol and pays £530 a month rent, inc bills, but obv has to pay for food.