DD and charging rent?

[Nolongerachild]

Long time poster, NC. Need some advice please, in case I am not being reasonable.
Single mum, no partner. DD living at home, and has finished her Masters, and started new job with a good salary.
I feel I should start charging her rent to include bills and food. Does £500 a month sound OK? My rent is £1300 a month, CT is £170 and who knows what energy bills will be this year but guessing around £100 a month. Then there’s water, internet and our food bill. She has to pay her mobile and her transport (no car). I just feel I need to put more into my pension, and I have literally nothing left at the end of every month. We’re in Bristol area, for my work, but it suits her very well for now. If she moved out I’d get a lodger. I’d really appreciate any advice particularly if someone else has had similar experiences. DD is 24. Thanks.

£500 seems grossly excessive given that she's your daughter. I think it's wrong that you basically want your daughter to pay your pension fund for you. It would be more sensible to say she has to pay £500 into her pension each month, or maybe split 50/50 between her pension and a savings account to put towards a deposit on a property of her own. It's not right to squeeze money out of your own children, the parent should be giving money to their child, not the other way around.

I think you are being very fair.

I think its fair to say to her you love
Living together but it needs to be based on more of an adult 'partnership' now then a parent and child relationship giving her age and her earnings and the cost of the rent and the home not being yours. Rather then pitch it as -i want to start charging you rent. Pitch it as id like to jointly review our finances and living costs and outgoings.

You shouldn't feel poor whilst someone who loves you and lives with you had an abundance.

It may test her maturity. But you are not being unfair. She may choose to move out but then yes you can get a lodger.

OP you sound lovely

My DD is similar age and at similar stage (post Masters, first job) and is currently living at home. I do agree with your point that they are well versed in paying rent/bills/living outside the house because she has being doing that for 5 years at 2 different universities, so she is perfectly well aware of the 'real world' as some posters have put it.

We don't charge her rent because I'm not a single parent and we are in the fortunate position of being mortgage-free so we don't need the money. If I was in your position and struggling to meet the bills, I absolutely would charge rent.

I don't know your part of the country well enough to offer an opinion as to the monthly amount, but obviously it is perfectly reasonable to have a discussion with your DD about it.

@MorningStarling

£500 seems grossly excessive given that she's your daughter. I think it's wrong that you basically want your daughter to pay your pension fund for you. It would be more sensible to say she has to pay £500 into her pension each month, or maybe split 50/50 between her pension and a savings account to put towards a deposit on a property of her own. It's not right to squeeze money out of your own children, the parent should be giving money to their child, not the other way around.

What part of the Op can't afford to do any of these things are you not understanding ? Outside of the nice fluffy middle class world of Mumsnet ,adults have to pay there way once they are earning Lots of parents cannot afford to financially support their adult working sin or daughter ,so the adult offspring can build a nice pension pot or savings I know this must be a suprise to some people but we don't all live nice cushy lives 🙄

I think you are getting a hard
Time OP. Your reality is very different to someone of the same age with a
Mortgage almost paid off. And you have to live to your reality.

As a child i wouldn't want my parent to be missing out on their chance to have a home in retirement because of me living it up with zero responsibilities in my 20s. That just doesn't seem fair. She would likely still have a lot of disposable income after paying her way well under market value to you.

Talk to her.

This is always a polarising conversation. There are many similar threads.

@MorningStarling

And maybe the parent hasn't been able to build their own pension fund because they have been spending the money, keeping a roof over their dcs head, feeding them, clothing them, helping fund their uni studies. Now as a fully grown adult, earning a fully grown wage the OP is expecting the DC to pay their own way. That isn't squeezing them for money.

When OP has to work until she is 70 so is then unable to provide child care I bet half of you spouting how awful OP is will be the first to say well if she doesn't provide childcare remind her that you won't help look after her when she needs some care

@SpidersAreShitheads

I just looked - there are plenty of house shares in and around the centre of Bristol for around £500 per month. One example I looked at had a large, furnished bedroom, ensuite bathroom and a cleaner included in the cost, plus all bills.

For the sake of buying her own food, if I was your daughter I'd leave and get my own place. More or less the same price, but with all the freedom of not living with your mum.

I guess it depends though OP - are you actually hoping that she'll move out so you can get a lodger to top up your income? If that's the case, rather than charge your daughter a market value rent, you need to have an honest conversation. Tell her you're struggling to cover everything, and need more income - either she's willing to pay a market rate of £500 while she stays at home or else she starts making plans to move out so you can advertise for a lodger.

Of course your DD needs to contribute but £500 is way too much. I was your daughter once, my DM charged me close to market rent when I was earning less than £8k a year so I just moved out. As I say, what you charge depends on what you're hopng the outcome will be.

But this is the thing. Her daughter should be paying around that much to live anywhere. I'm sure op could either get a lodger of find a smaller place that she could afford if her daughter moved out.

Op, a 24 year old who is working needs to be paying for their own accommodation wherever that is. It's being an adult.

@MorningStarling

£500 seems grossly excessive given that she's your daughter. I think it's wrong that you basically want your daughter to pay your pension fund for you. It would be more sensible to say she has to pay £500 into her pension each month, or maybe split 50/50 between her pension and a savings account to put towards a deposit on a property of her own. It's not right to squeeze money out of your own children, the parent should be giving money to their child, not the other way around.

So the OP is responsible for saving for her adult child and/or providing her with a pension while she lives in poverty in old age. This sounds like a great plan to me.

@MorningStarling

£500 seems grossly excessive given that she's your daughter. I think it's wrong that you basically want your daughter to pay your pension fund for you. It would be more sensible to say she has to pay £500 into her pension each month, or maybe split 50/50 between her pension and a savings account to put towards a deposit on a property of her own. It's not right to squeeze money out of your own children, the parent should be giving money to their child, not the other way around.

Why on earth should the dd not just pay into her pension in the usual way. She has no reponsibilities

Mum on the other hand has had the financial responsibility of raising a child as a single parent and has not had the luxury of building up a pension fund.

Daughter probably has far, far more disposable income than the OP.

Of course that's reasonable! She is a working adult in her 20's

Mumsnet is weird sometimes last week there was a thread about a 17 year old girl who wasn't working hard at school and nor likely to pass her qualifications and generally being a bit obnoxious ,and some people were advocating throwing her out the minute she turned 18 🙄
And yet on this thread there is a financially stable adult daughter and some posters think she should be able to stay home rent free ,strange priorities.

@x2boys I presume a portion of posters on MN are using the chat to release pent up frustration within their own lives, so will go against OPs vehemently even when the OPs are simply asking for some feedback. They often throw in side lines that relate to their own lives, rather than the OPs. The OP could add in that her DC are millionaires and someone will still tell her she's an evil witch for asking for rent.

@ikeptgoing

If 24 year old DD is earning £21k or more, Her monthly take home will be £1250+ after pensions, tax etc. If she budgets £200 month for spending & phone and £50-100 for travel costs for work, paying mum £500/month rent, leaves DD still with £450-500 month to save towards deposit for house. That's pretty good when mum's (OP's) rental, bills, CT, food, etc will be in excess of £1850/ month as her rent is £1300/month alone. She's not overcharging her DD at all

PP who say "I wouldn't charge my DD any rent or only £200" clearly have the luxury of not being single parent, and very different circumstances.

It won't help DD if her mum loses rental home as defaults on bills as DDs not even slightly covering her own extra costs.

Adults don't actually live for free ..

Most sensible post so far!!

@Nolongerachild

You need to takes comments with a pinch of salt.

Being a single parents, supporting DD, through 2 degrees & you renting.

Is a totally different situation to many others.

In your particular situation, I think £500 per month is reasonable.

Your DD is 24, it's time she realised that her living 'free' is costing you a lot! That she's got a good job on good money thanks to you and now you need to look after yourself a bit too.

At 24 she should be offering really, but as she hasn't it time to raise the subject!

I'd avoid mentioning your savings/pension and just go along the lines of 'you've now got 2 degrees, and a good job and we need to look at living costs together as two adults.

My dd is happy to pay £500 a month, that includes everything.

@Hapoydayz

Blimey just because you haven't put enough in your pension you are going to stop your daughter doing the same. She'd be better moving out to a house share and getting some freedom

With a little imagination we could see that the op as a single parent poured her money into said dd.

You will teach her about being an adult - no harm to that. If she would prefer to move out and you get a lodger then win win.

@MorningStarling are you on another planet ? Really some people need to read the OP and understand different financial positions , we would all love to be in a position where we don't need money etc , but for the vast majority that is not the case

@cushioncovers the op already said they would get a lodger if dd moves out or they would have option to move to a smaller place

@Tee20x did you not read the op she clearly said she would get a lodger and its not half of the rent even and the £500 includes all bills and food
Why can't people see that not everyone is in the same financial position and stop being so judgemental

@CaMePlaitPas can you really not see that not everyone is in the same financial position? Are people on here really so out of touch and shallow

I don't think she should be rent free but £500 seems a lot to me. I paid my Mum £300 a month and bought my own food when I lived at home ( although this was getting on for 10 years ago now) and that felt doable as well as saving to buy my own property.

£500 including accommodation costs, all bills including food plus council tax is a reasonable deal.
However given that you live in rented accommodation you need to discuss with your dd whether she is willing to be named on the tenancy agreement when it's next up for renewal given that she's now an earning adult.

@Nellesbelles accounting for inflation its about the same and food is included

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Nellesbelles accounting for inflation its about the same and food is included[/quote]
Hence why I mentioned it was 10 years ago 👍