DD and charging rent?

[Nolongerachild]

Long time poster, NC. Need some advice please, in case I am not being reasonable.
Single mum, no partner. DD living at home, and has finished her Masters, and started new job with a good salary.
I feel I should start charging her rent to include bills and food. Does £500 a month sound OK? My rent is £1300 a month, CT is £170 and who knows what energy bills will be this year but guessing around £100 a month. Then there’s water, internet and our food bill. She has to pay her mobile and her transport (no car). I just feel I need to put more into my pension, and I have literally nothing left at the end of every month. We’re in Bristol area, for my work, but it suits her very well for now. If she moved out I’d get a lodger. I’d really appreciate any advice particularly if someone else has had similar experiences. DD is 24. Thanks.

I think £500 for rent, bills and food is a bargain to live at home aged 24 and no longer in education. She would need to spend much much more to rent elsewhere then pay her bills, food and living costs. I don't live in Bristol now but it's my home town, I know it's an increasingly expensive city to live in.

@RockinHorseShit

Also I don't get those saying oh she needs to know life isn't free and paying her way bla bla bla. People don't live in clouds and don't need to be charged extortionate rental prices to know that rent and bills exist. Especially if they're the age of 24 and probably have other bills and expenses.

Christ & you wonder why there's so many posts on here & complaints in RL that our teens & twenty somethings are lazy entitled fukwits. This is exactly how they are made

I'm sure the DM has plenty of other bills too🙄

That wouldn't make the daughter lazy though she's completed 2 degrees and is working in a graduate job? I would feel differently if it was a child sitting around on her arse all day but clearly she has a good work ethic.

In my view £500 is too much. I'm not saying not to contribute anything but in my view that's too high.

£500 sounds like a lot but here in Bristol it's not really compared to renting a flat and paying bills on top of that. I rented a 1 bed flat (though it was in Clifton) for the same amount per month that I now pay for my mortgage a few miles out of the city.

Why don't you see how much she's willing to pay so she has enough money left for herself at the end of the month? Or get her to pay £300 and then put an extra £100-£200 in to a savings account every month to help her save for her own place in the long run? Much better than all of that going towards your rent imo which just goes straight into someone else's pocket. I wish I'd been able to spend more time living with my parents for that reason, it was hard saving up when most of my money went on rent.

I live near Bristol and she could get a 1 bed flat for that. Most house shares are around £400 to £500 including bills.
Surely you'd charge your own child a bit less? £350 seems fairer. Maybe charge her that for rent and then split food shopping in half.

Many posters seem to be overlooking that the OP is paying £1470 in rent & council tax per month, plus utilities. Her daughter at 24 is another adult and at £500 would be paying less than a third of household costs.

I think it's a fair amount.

Many of us with grown children have the luxury of a small mortgage/no mortgage, the OP doesn't.

I'm in London and some 16 years ago, newly-divorced, charged my son £300/month all-in. He had a graduate job in The City and was earning more than I was - he moved out in about a year!

Too much imo to charge your own family

Nowhere did I say the DD was lazy @Tee20x. I said not teaching adult kids that they are expected to properly pay their way is the making of the entitlement & sometimes laziness that we often see complained about on here

& I'm guessing you don't live in Bristol or anywhere close to as expensive cost of living wise. We've been looking as it's where DD is going to Uni & that amount including bills & likely food too is VERY cheap for Bristol

We will charge DD too when the time comes, even though we have no mortgage etc to pay, because she won't get to live for free elsewhere, so needs to learn how to budget properly & allow for living expenses. She knows we are mortgage free, she knows she will get charged -20% of up to the local going rate... which is way more than £500 where we live... it's never occurred to her to complain it's too much, or expect to live for free, because she hasn't been brought up to be an entitled brat. She actually thought it very reasonable. She won't know her rent will go into a savings account that will help her later as she needs it

What the op pays for her rent etc will remain the same regardless of what the daughter pays. This isn't the daughters problem.

The daughter takes home £1300 a month according to the op.

If I was you op I would look to downsize to a cheaper property if your daughter does move out soon you will still be struggling to afford your rent etc.

@cushioncovers the OP has said if her DD was not living there she would take in a lodger.

Dd paid £130 per week which equated to £563 per month in a North Western city a couple of years ago, That included all bills, breakfast and evening meal. She now pays £550 per month for one room in a shared house in London plus bills of approx £80-100 per month and food.

DS was originally thinking about taking a year out after A levels and I told him that was fine but he would have to contribute to the household. I was thinking in the region of £50 per week assuming he would have been on a low wage for an 18 year old.

If dd decided to return home after her Masters she would definitely have to pay keep. An extra adult would make no difference to council tax for us so I would probably charge in the region of £350

@RockinHorseShit I live in London. I guess it just depends on the child. It's nice that you are thinking of putting the money you will be getting from your DD into a savings account to give back to her.

When I was living at home (rent free) I was putting away 60% of my salary into an ISA to save for a deposit. As were most of my friends. Because we were living rent free we were able to save greater amounts and see our savings grow and we weren't the type to be reckless with our money and still understood the value of money, and having to budget etc etc.

@Hapoydayz

Blimey just because you haven't put enough in your pension you are going to stop your daughter doing the same. She'd be better moving out to a house share and getting some freedom

Many, many, many parents forgo putting money into their pensions whilst their children are young so that they can afford to give them opportunities/support them through university.

It has to stop sometime.

She would not be better off in a house-share. Dd is in a house-share and pays way more than the OP is suggesting.

Julie. Thanks I'd forgotten the op said that.

So many commenting on here criticising the OP are obviously pretty financially secure. I doubt they will be paying rent on their house when their child is 24 years old.

@julieca

So many commenting on here criticising the OP are obviously pretty financially secure. I doubt they will be paying rent on their house when their child is 24 years old.

Exactly.

We are financially secure but our situation is that dd is doing a 2 year masters and although she can take out a loan to cover just under half of the fees and she has a job which pays her living expenses, we are making sacrifices to pay her rent and loan her the rest of the fees.

So when she graduates we will absolutely no longer be able to support her and dh will need to start paying more into his pension.

@Snoozer11

£500 sounds like almost market rate. I wouldn't charge my child that much.

She's said her rent costs £1300. Therefore her DD isn't even paying half. AND her £500 would include bills.

It's a great deal for her.

Sorry but why should one adult (OP) struggle to give another adult a cushy living when she's earning a decent wage?

I’m 24 living back at home, on not much more than minimum wage, and this is what I pay to my DM.
Half of the rent (it’s housing association so only £400pm, meaning I only pay £200)
I buy all my own food apart from things like salt teabags etc.
If we run out of washing up liquid, shampoo etc I’ll always run to the shops.
I top up the gas and electric the odd tenner here and there.
£500 sounds a lot to me, but if it’s all inclusive and you have a much higher rent than my mum, then it sounds about right.

OP,

I think that sounds both reasonable and fair.

She is now working and needs to pay her way.

Of course you would prefer if you didn't have to ask but this is the real world and it can be tough, as you well know.

I think you need to be very frank with her and explain your intention to take a lodger in if she would prefer to get your own place.

Working till 70 is absolutely no laugh as a prospect.

You sound like a great mum.

Shes getting an even better deal than if she went into a houseshare as living with mum presumably means a guarantee of living somewhere with a properly fully equipped kitchen, nice comfy surroundings, the opportunity to do all the telly hogging and slobbing you want, no mould or cold issues, presumably "naice" food and home cooked meals.

That's living at home - not a house-share - and what my DS is getting, living at home post-uni rent free. I'm happy to have him, though he does eat a lot of meat and that is a stark contrast to when my vegan DD was back home before moving to London. He gets the comfortable side of being at home, complete with a laundry service and he uses my car. We live in an expensive part of the country, but our outgoings are much lower than in previous years, with a smaller mortgage and just the one DS finishing his final year at uni, so we're the most comfortable financially that we've ever been since having the DC. For the oldest two, living back at home rent free has been an opportunity to save and set themselves up for the next stage of their lives, and I see it as a short-term arrangement. DD is now living in London and paying £750 in rent and bills, with travel and food on top of that. What DS isn't getting is the opportunity to have a house full of friends every weekend, up until the early hours, with take-away boxes and empty beer bottles eventually cleared away the next day. He gets to do that instead at his friend's flat, as he's moved out to rent!

@Hillarious

Shes getting an even better deal than if she went into a houseshare as living with mum presumably means a guarantee of living somewhere with a properly fully equipped kitchen, nice comfy surroundings, the opportunity to do all the telly hogging and slobbing you want, no mould or cold issues, presumably "naice" food and home cooked meals.

That's living at home - not a house-share - and what my DS is getting, living at home post-uni rent free. I'm happy to have him, though he does eat a lot of meat and that is a stark contrast to when my vegan DD was back home before moving to London. He gets the comfortable side of being at home, complete with a laundry service and he uses my car. We live in an expensive part of the country, but our outgoings are much lower than in previous years, with a smaller mortgage and just the one DS finishing his final year at uni, so we're the most comfortable financially that we've ever been since having the DC. For the oldest two, living back at home rent free has been an opportunity to save and set themselves up for the next stage of their lives, and I see it as a short-term arrangement. DD is now living in London and paying £750 in rent and bills, with travel and food on top of that. What DS isn't getting is the opportunity to have a house full of friends every weekend, up until the early hours, with take-away boxes and empty beer bottles eventually cleared away the next day. He gets to do that instead at his friend's flat, as he's moved out to rent!

Be aware it may not be a short term arrangement if you make life too comfortable.

Dh's older sister lived at home rent free until her mid 30's. She spent every penny she earned. Meanwhile his parents never gave dh a penny parental contribution (his grant was based on their income) when he did his degree.

DD24, salary £23.5k, take home £1700, pays us £400 a month - includes food, bills, takeaways. She's happy. All working adults should contribute to the house they live in.

Sounds about right! She's still saving a considerable amount of people compared to moving out and getting her own place.

My db is a similar age and lives at home. I think my mom charges him around £100 a week and he buys his own food so YANBU. He also pays some of the bills though. I think in this case the rent, bills and food means my fb doesn't have a lot left as he isn't on a high salary.

Saying that, Dp was giving his mum £75 a week 15 years ago and he was never earning a high salary so I would say £125 a week is reasonable now if she's on a good salary.

I moved out at 18 and never moved back. I hadn't paid much rent beforehand because I was quite young! I think my mum would have fleeced me though 😅 it was much easier to move out then though. Incredibly harder now!

I think it’s fine to share the expense and that amount is fine. I’m one of the posters lucky enough to not be in financial difficulty but not blinkered so as to be judgemental about it. DS lives at home and pays 80 per month and is earning about 18k per annum. But we are mortgage free and have a double income. Really we don’t need a contribution at all but I think he needs to know life isn’t free. He also occasionally buys a take away He is also saving for a house deposit.

She is a full time working adult of course she should be paying her costs. I would explain to her that you are struggling financially and you need to get a lodger who you would charge £X amount, but if she wants to stay then she needs to pay it instead.