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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD and charging rent?

233 replies

Nolongerachild · 06/12/2021 22:37

Long time poster, NC. Need some advice please, in case I am not being reasonable.
Single mum, no partner. DD living at home, and has finished her Masters, and started new job with a good salary.
I feel I should start charging her rent to include bills and food. Does £500 a month sound OK? My rent is £1300 a month, CT is £170 and who knows what energy bills will be this year but guessing around £100 a month. Then there’s water, internet and our food bill. She has to pay her mobile and her transport (no car). I just feel I need to put more into my pension, and I have literally nothing left at the end of every month. We’re in Bristol area, for my work, but it suits her very well for now. If she moved out I’d get a lodger. I’d really appreciate any advice particularly if someone else has had similar experiences. DD is 24. Thanks.

OP posts:
gogohm · 06/12/2021 23:07

Seems high. I would also say your rent is high - I'm maybe 8 miles from you and paid £850 rent until a year ago when we bought

Justbecause88 · 06/12/2021 23:08

She would never pay as little as £500 all in in Bristol, so it's fair. But will she be able to save enough for her own deposit paying that? My priority as a parent would be to make sure she can afford to save for a deposit. If she's no interest in saving and just wants to live with you for cheaper rent then 100% charge her the £500.

Sittingonabench · 06/12/2021 23:08

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to charge board to a working 24 year old. I would discuss with her how much it costs for rent bills and food, along with how much she earns per month, needs for her outgoings and what a reasonable amount would be. From what you’ve said I don’t think £500 is unreasonable. Areas which are more expensive often have higher wages to compensate so it seems fair.

lanthanum · 06/12/2021 23:10

A record of rent payments is also useful when applying for a mortgage, and possibly also for affordability checks for renting. (Where the parent(s) don't need the money, obviously an alternative is to pay regularly into a savings account.)

I see no reason why a parent should be expected to keep funding an earning adult child, particularly if they have skimped on pension contributions whilst raising them, and need to rectify that. For that matter, they probably made any number of other sacrifices. My parents didn't start going on holidays abroad until we'd all flown the nest, because they couldn't afford to. If they'd carried on subsidising us, they'd never have gone abroad.

Hillary17 · 06/12/2021 23:15

£500?! She could live elsewhere for that and share with friends. I’d say £300 max is going family rate. When I’d moved home from university I paid £200 and did a few food shops etc.

vodkaredbullgirl · 06/12/2021 23:17

My daughter offered me 500 a month.

worriedatthemoment · 06/12/2021 23:22

Some on here think should be zero rent and they have no idea how some struggle as you have said you could rent the room
I would discuss with your dd , what is she happy to pay ? Would a house share be a lot more?
What do you consider a good salary ?

Hairyfriend · 06/12/2021 23:45

I have no idea what a lodger would pay in Bristol, but you haven't mentioned that you would no longer qualify for a single person council tax rate. With her living there- it will go up.

I do agree with sitting down and have an adult discussion with her and get an idea of what amount she thinks would be reasonable too.

SarahAndQuack · 06/12/2021 23:49

@Hairyfriend

I have no idea what a lodger would pay in Bristol, but you haven't mentioned that you would no longer qualify for a single person council tax rate. With her living there- it will go up.

I do agree with sitting down and have an adult discussion with her and get an idea of what amount she thinks would be reasonable too.

The DD is already living there and has already ceased to be a student (I don't know if that affects single-person discount; it used to).
Chely · 06/12/2021 23:51

I think £500 sounds a bit much for board tbh. Look at flat shares in your area, that will give you a good guide as to how much would be reasonable.

YuleHaveAWonderfulChristmas · 06/12/2021 23:59

My DC pays £250 a month but is only 19.

I don't even need the money. They wanted to pay their way. I told them the bills and that's what they came up with.

Supersimkin2 · 07/12/2021 00:03

I’d rather pay £650 and share a flat.

Whole adult life for £35 a week, my own parties, friends over, boyfriends etc. is a no-brainer.

camperqueen54 · 07/12/2021 00:04

I charge mine £100 so it covers some bills but I'm not put to make money from her because I want her to be focusing on building a life and living at home with us isn't really what she wants ultimately.

Supersimkin2 · 07/12/2021 00:05

She ought to get a rent book and receipts - helps with her next commercial house move.

Anordinarymum · 07/12/2021 00:17

I am assuming (rightly or wrongly) that you funded her while she was at Uni?
So she now has a good job and lives at home. She can't still want to live off you surely?
Also assuming she has student debt to pay.. you need to discuss money with her. Find out what she has coming in and going out and work out a reasonable amount you both find acceptable.

SpidersAreShitheads · 07/12/2021 00:19

I just looked - there are plenty of house shares in and around the centre of Bristol for around £500 per month. One example I looked at had a large, furnished bedroom, ensuite bathroom and a cleaner included in the cost, plus all bills.

For the sake of buying her own food, if I was your daughter I'd leave and get my own place. More or less the same price, but with all the freedom of not living with your mum.

I guess it depends though OP - are you actually hoping that she'll move out so you can get a lodger to top up your income? If that's the case, rather than charge your daughter a market value rent, you need to have an honest conversation. Tell her you're struggling to cover everything, and need more income - either she's willing to pay a market rate of £500 while she stays at home or else she starts making plans to move out so you can advertise for a lodger.

Of course your DD needs to contribute but £500 is way too much. I was your daughter once, my DM charged me close to market rent when I was earning less than £8k a year so I just moved out. As I say, what you charge depends on what you're hopng the outcome will be.

IJoinedJustForThisThread · 07/12/2021 00:28

Can I move in with you? £500 a month for rent, bills AND food is an absolute bargain.

shiningstar2 · 07/12/2021 00:29

It's tough getting started these days. Once they've got through university, then next step is to help them launch themselves into independent living.
If I could afford it I would charge £250 and take the other £250 to save for them towards moving out. I wouldn't trust them to save it themselves, I would expect to be given it to save for them.

As this saved money would be instead of rent, I would also expect them to save from their disposable income. If they matched what I was saving for them they would have a reasonable amount to move out with in two years.

DeeCeeCherry · 07/12/2021 00:42

I wouldnt. But this is MN, most people will actively encourage you to charge her as if she's the man of the house.

I charge DD minimal rent because I want her to be able to buy, not go into exploitative private rental. & Shes my DD not a stranger so, no market rent around here.

Its best your DD moves out rather than paying all that money. At least in a flatshare she'll have a taste of independent life. & it sounds as if you cant afford to keep her anyway.

Your rent is extortionate. Im in London and know of rentals cheaper than that.

By the way you not contributing enough towards your pension isnt your DD's fault or responsibility.

You can bet most of those
in MN fantasy land encouraging you to charge your own daughter £500 to live in her family home, are no way charging their own offspring that much

julieca · 07/12/2021 00:46

@Snoozer11

£500 sounds like almost market rate. I wouldn't charge my child that much.
Are you serious! Find me a house share with all bills and food in Bristol for £500. It is nowhere near market rate.
Wildrobin · 07/12/2021 00:47

I would probably chat to her about the concept before seeing what amount she was comfortable with, assuming she’s sensible. I also agree with the above that I’d be considering saving a proportion to set aside to help her if I could afford to, or at least make sure she is as explain she’d need a deposit in the future if moves etc

julieca · 07/12/2021 00:48

OP ignore all these well off people commenting. You are clear if DD wasn't there you would have a lodger. So £500 is fine and less than you would get for a lodger. Talk to your DD and be honest and say you need the money and if she was not there you would get a lodger and charge more.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2021 00:59

Bristol is an expensive place to live, outside of London.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2021 01:06

I'm a single parent and now have to pay full rent and council tax. As everything rightly stopped, when my daughters became adults living at home.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/12/2021 01:10

Bristol rent is very expensive

DD and charging rent?
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