DD and charging rent?

[Nolongerachild]

Long time poster, NC. Need some advice please, in case I am not being reasonable.
Single mum, no partner. DD living at home, and has finished her Masters, and started new job with a good salary.
I feel I should start charging her rent to include bills and food. Does £500 a month sound OK? My rent is £1300 a month, CT is £170 and who knows what energy bills will be this year but guessing around £100 a month. Then there’s water, internet and our food bill. She has to pay her mobile and her transport (no car). I just feel I need to put more into my pension, and I have literally nothing left at the end of every month. We’re in Bristol area, for my work, but it suits her very well for now. If she moved out I’d get a lodger. I’d really appreciate any advice particularly if someone else has had similar experiences. DD is 24. Thanks.

When their adult child is working full-time.

Given the rent amount, household costs and both your circumstances, I think £500 is fair. I'm in Midlands (cheaper than Bristol) and 25 yr old DC in rented house-share ( nice residential area) was paying £450pm. Included bills and council tax. With food and contribution to household stuff like loo-roll, cleaning and laundry liquid, it was easily £600-650 a month just to live. In Bristol likely at least £700-750. Ignore the people whose experience is different to yours (two working parents, council tax already covered etc...it just doesn't compare).

You're about right on this and need to start building some security for yourself.

More than fair. We've told ours that when she's earning, she'll be expected to pay 1/3 of her wages up to -20% of the local market rate for inclusive rents.

That amount sounds cheap, & we live in a similarly priced area

I mean if you have nothing left at the end of the month and are living in poverty why wouldn't you charge your daughter £500 ,for bed and board it sounds a reasonable amount ,
Ignoring posters of course who live very comfortable lives and would never charge their adult children 🙄

Far, far too much. I would say £200 at most.

@vodkaredbullgirl

Bristol is an expensive place to live, outside of London.

Bristol can be more expensive, council tax is way higher, public transport costs are high and if you're on Bristol/Wessex water the water bill is higher.

My rent is more in London but my bills were a lot higher in Bristol.

Shes getting an even better deal than if she went into a houseshare as living with mum presumably means a guarantee of living somewhere with a properly fully equipped kitchen, nice comfy surroundings, the opportunity to do all the telly hogging and slobbing you want, no mould or cold issues, presumably "naice" food and home cooked meals.
I did a decade of house sharing and some were better than others but pretty much every time there was some kind of rub - either a low equipped kitchen, or a non responsive LL, or that one housemate who was always bringing her BF over to hog the living room, or the one who was ALWAYS. HOME.

Talk of independence isnt really relevant here, the DD actively wants to live at home, so shes not looking for independence

I'll never understand posters who comment on rental or other prices in an area they clearly know nothing about

£500 is cheap for Bristol, it would be very cheap here

I'm also shocked so many choose not to teach their DCs a life lesson in taking care of themselves as adults... eg, paying your own way in life & not expecting hand outs ... even if you can afford not to, put it in a savings pot for their future mortgage or something by all means, but FFS teach them to pay their own way, that's not an option to duck out of in life & not charging them does them no favours at all

We're charging our son £400 and we don't even need the money.

And for full rent, bills and board it's a bloody bargain.

Go ahead OP. You are NOT in the wrong here.

@RockinHorseShit

I'll never understand posters who comment on rental or other prices in an area they clearly know nothing about

£500 is cheap for Bristol, it would be very cheap here

I'm also shocked so many choose not to teach their DCs a life lesson in taking care of themselves as adults... eg, paying your own way in life & not expecting hand outs ... even if you can afford not to, put it in a savings pot for their future mortgage or something by all means, but FFS teach them to pay their own way, that's not an option to duck out of in life & not charging them does them no favours at all

Absolutely.

A grown working adult with a good salary pays their way.

500 is too much in my view but I suppose it depends on her income. What does she earn a month op ?

I wouldn’t, your pension isn’t her issue!

personally I’d never charge my children rent to live at home.

@Snoozer11 - not sure where you live but £500 wouldn't get you much in Brighton, if anything.

It is relevant to the DD's income as well .. my 20 year old DS rents a tiny room with en-suite for £525 - shared house, with cleaner, obviously buys his own food. But he is on a good salary, higher than mine .... and it leaves him plenty for social life, car, phone and savings.

I think charging rent (when the OP herself is paying rent) is very sensible.

Many mumsnetters probably have low mortgages so don't see the need to charge 'market' rent, our mortgage is paid off so if our DS lived at home we would probably only charge a small amount, but encourage him to save whilst he has the opportunity.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

I wouldn’t, your pension isn’t her issue!

personally I’d never charge my children rent to live at home.

Well you are either very lucky to be I that position or a martyr

Yanbu in principle but it's a bit steep.
I'd say 400-450 is much fairer for the first year or until she gets a promotion.

I was going to say it sounds like a lot because if she wasn't there you'd still have to pay the same amount of rent, so I would only charge the 25percent difference in ctax plus the difference in bills and food from one extra person which would be more like 3-400. But if you would get a lodger if she moved out then yes 500 is fair. Particularly if she's 24 so has had a good few years as an adult of not paying.

@peboh but if ops dd has a post graduate 'good' job 20% of say 25grand p/y wouldn't be far off 500p/m? So you're agreeing with OP?

My DS is same age/stage and has chosen to live independently. He pays more than half his salary in rent (London!). He says that his friends who still live at home for free have no idea how lucky they are and it causes friction when they suggest expensive activities that the rent payers can’t afford. Those kids are going to get a huge shock when they do eventually start living independently. On that basis alone it’s a kindness to your daughter to have her live in the ”real” world of supporting herself financially which includes paying rent and a share of the bills. A good starting point would be whatever the going rate in a shared house would be

@Ragwort when DS came home during the pandemic we had him put the money he had been paying in rent into a savings account. For those parents who can afford to have adult kids living at home without contributing then this might be an alternative approach - save the “rent” to build up a deposit fund for later

At 24 with Masters and FT employment, I’d treat her like a partner. So you pay % proportionate to your earnings. So if you earned the same wage, it’s 50/50. If you earn 2x what she does, it’s 65/35.

Thank you for all your contributions, so many have really helped and I will be talking to her this evening. As it wouldn’t be a good AIBU without further explanatory notes (aka drip feed) here goes.
She moved out for Uni so is well versed in rent paying/house share etc and her rent was £380 before bills/food. She moved back home after graduation.
I had a mortgage years ago but exH scuppered all that and paid bare minimum maintenance so I never managed to get back on that ladder.
I rent a decent house and she has friends over, and bf stays too (he lives an hour away). I would be sad if she left home, just as i was when she went away to University, but I know that she will eventually and I need to consider my next steps at that point.
I work in the public sector but will not retire until I’m 70 and it’s really important to me now I’m no longer financially responsible for her to make sure I am not going to be a burden when I can’t work anymore.
And finally, after costs and this enormous (for some on here) rent I’m proposing, she has about £800 a month to save/play with.
I am grateful for the PP who’ve suggested rent documents for the future, that’s a good plan. Of course, I wish I could just let her live here for free but my life didn’t work out that way and I guess that is what makes me feel a bit sad/nervous about broaching it because I wish it had been different.
Thank you if you’ve got this far, appreciate all your wise advice.

Honestly some of the posters on here, guilt tripping a person in a far different financial situation, ought to be ashamed of themselves.

And, regardless of my own finances, yes I absolutely charge my working adult children.

You're doing them no favours whatsoever teaching them that life is for free.

Have you checked with your landlord that it would be OK to sublet the room if you get a lodger?

Depends if you want her to stay? Or do you want to encourage her to move out? Because she could get a decent room in a houseshare in Bristol for that or less. And for not much more she could rent her own place. Maybe consider getting a lodger if you need the money, don't use your daughter to top up your pension, that's a bit weird imo.