To not pay for their dinners... or should I?

[YukoandHiro]

A social etiquette question.

I have a landmark birthday next year and I'd like to celebrate it by having a dinner at a restaurant with a bunch of friends - I'm thinking about 25 people and booking a private room at somewhere really nice.

If I do this, though, does that mean that me and DH would be expected to pay for everyone's food? Or would we just make a contribution and split the rest between the guests at the end of the night?

We're probably the least well off of our friends, a lot of them are a bit posher than us in terms of background, so I'm not sure what will be expected/assumed by an invitation like this?

If this is the expectation that it's paid for (kind of like a wedding I guess) then we probably can't afford it and I'll have to do something different. Which is a shame. But I also don't want to put my foot in it and leave an awkward situation when the bill comes

@BetsyBigNose

Why do you think the op should pay for wine for attendees
When in your opening line you say you and your friends would never pay for food and drink!

I think if you invite and want to host then you do need to provide something otherwise it is less your event and more just a group of friends doing something together with the birthday/anniversary as the excuse.

The more the host wants to be in charge of (eg decide the location, limit the menu etc) then the more they should be paying themselves. Invitations within a group do create an element of social obligation.