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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PSA to all grandparents

352 replies

PigeonLittle · 05/12/2021 14:05

Rather than hound your children in December to ask for them to buy your grandchildren's toys or send them direct links to things for you "That way you know it's something they'll really like".

How about next year make more of an effort to be involved? Talk to your grandkids, take them on days out, take them to Smiths Toys or whatever and find out yourself?

I've got homework, Christmas Assemblies, Christmas parties, Christmas dinner to prep and cook, work, kids to clean, feed and clothe.

I have to plan presents for my own kids, presents for you, presents for other grandparents, presents for teachers.

Finding out your grandchild likes Peppa Pig or Fortnite is not exactly an interrogation skill and I'm sure you can get by with not doubling up too many presents.

I'd rather have to return or donate one or two toys than do all your Christmas shopping as well as my own.

If you're not sure you could try something like, I know X loves Sylvanian Families - does she have this pony set?

It feels like a lot on this year.

OP posts:
Apandemicyousay · 05/12/2021 14:07

I totally hear you but suspect others will disagree!

Clymene · 05/12/2021 14:08

Or you could just do them a list. Or send them your kids list.

It sounds like you need a cup of tea and a mince pie.

TeenMinusTests · 05/12/2021 14:09

YABU. Some grandparents live too far away, or are still isolating.

We always ran a 'present purchasing' service for any relatives who preferred to send money. Saved getting duplicates or craft kits too complicated etc.

If you feel like this then fine, but not everyone does.

Sirzy · 05/12/2021 14:10

My parents know their grandchildren brilliantly but they still ask me for ideas or run past me what they have got. Makes much more sense.

Just the same as I talk to my sister about what to get for my nephews. Avoids doubling up or getting something they have changed their minds about.

Original poster
PigeonLittle · 05/12/2021 14:13

@Clymene

Or you could just do them a list. Or send them your kids list.

It sounds like you need a cup of tea and a mince pie.

I really do.

Petition for @mnhq to make a mince pie emoji! Gin

OP posts:
Debroglie · 05/12/2021 14:16

Completely agree with you pigeon
Both sets of gp see dc regularly and dc are vocal about their interests! It’s not rocket science and would take a job off my endless to do list. But neither sets of gp are actually interested in helping (despite having had lots of hero from their parents when they had young children).
I sm baking notes of stuff like this so I can try and be a more useful granny when my time comes.

Debroglie · 05/12/2021 14:17

Hero=help
Baking=making

BurningTheClocks · 05/12/2021 14:17

Make a list, send it to them in October and job done.
Otherwise there will be duplication, disappointment and unhappiness.
Or ask for money.

Ozanj · 05/12/2021 14:18

I think it depends on the relationship and physical capabilities of the GP. I see DNs at least weekly and know what they want; if they want something they wouldn’t hesitate to tell me and so the DPs don’t need to get involved. My parents on the other hand, aside from being narcissists which is a seperate issue, are also disabled and as such they need to order stuff (and can’t always return it) so asking first becomes imperative.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 05/12/2021 14:18

My mother, MIL and I talk to each to share ideas and make sure stuff isn't duplicated.

They know what they like. They want to make sure we don't all have the same idea. (Especially as I have two similarly aged same sex children)

Original poster
PigeonLittle · 05/12/2021 14:21

@BurningTheClocks

Make a list, send it to them in October and job done. Otherwise there will be duplication, disappointment and unhappiness. Or ask for money.
These are all work for me to do, to facilitate their relationship with their grandchild.

I'm just about over it. All of it.

I hope they will be happy telling their grandchild on Christmas day they dont have a present to unwrap but their savings account has nominally increased.

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 05/12/2021 14:22

I know my grandchildren very well , we look after them, spend time with them and take them shopping but I don't want to buy them anything they already have or something their parents plan to give them. They all have their own wish lists. Their mother sent them to me. It didn't take her long.

Rrrob · 05/12/2021 14:22

I did a list and sent it at the mid-Nov. List has been ignored and huge plastic toys have been purchased instead.

NoSquirrels · 05/12/2021 14:23

This is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t ones.

Some people hate not being asked for a list or ideas. And most kids do have a list, after all.
Those people can get very cross or rather sniffy about gifts if their relatives ‘go rogue’ and don’t buy exactly what’s required.

Other people hate to be dictated to and actively don’t want ideas, and hate being asked for a list themselves.

It’s a minefield.

WulyJmpr · 05/12/2021 14:23

Completely agree. I also take issue with being sent said presents directly from the shop without being gift-wrapped. I assume to save the purchaser wrapping money and time and take up mine instead.

RoastPotatoQueen · 05/12/2021 14:25

YANBU about grand parents who live close by.

Last year my son received a cat tower as his only present off his DGP. HmmConfused Fair enough he likes cats but as a Christmas present? Grin

Werehamster · 05/12/2021 14:25

The problem is if the grandparents end up buying the same gift as the parents things get awkward or if the kid asks for something that the parent doesn't want them to have for whatever reason.

How about letting people do what they are happy with?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/12/2021 14:26

And then you get parents on here moaning because grandparents DID take initiative and bought what they thought the DGC would like and got it wrong/duplicated/bought something the parents thought should be from Santa

cate16 · 05/12/2021 14:28

@Nonnymum

I know my grandchildren very well , we look after them, spend time with them and take them shopping but I don't want to buy them anything they already have or something their parents plan to give them. They all have their own wish lists. Their mother sent them to me. It didn't take her long.
Snap.
LittleOwl153 · 05/12/2021 14:28

Yes absolutely with you. I got my daughter to make a list on Amazon this year as uts easier to share, and then translated my sons to something g similar. Sent out and said let me know if you get anything from it...

Mother rings and says I can't do amazon can you tell me what they want (She can she has an amazon fire tablet set up with an amazon account ...) so I pick a couple of things out... no not good enough wants to see the list. So I print and pass over... 3 weeks later... can I get X and Y for her. X has already been bought by my brother, Y is now out of stock... can I get my brother to buy something else, and I'll need to find Y for her... (She lives with my brother...) .. so it goes on.

My MIL gave up and sent us money in Nov, which whilst it meant I was left ordering and wrapping for her, I got things quickly as soon as lists were done. I did try ordering to her once... she sent most of it back as she didn't know what it was... that one took weeks to resolve!

fairislecable · 05/12/2021 14:30

My DGD opened a birthday present from an Aunt and was very disappointed as it was the third rabbit family from the Sylvanians she had opened that day.

If her mother had said more specific items/families to each person who enquired it would have helped the purchaser and the harassed mother and in the process the recipient.

Original poster
PigeonLittle · 05/12/2021 14:30

@Werehamster

The problem is if the grandparents end up buying the same gift as the parents things get awkward or if the kid asks for something that the parent doesn't want them to have for whatever reason.

How about letting people do what they are happy with?

And when do I get to do something I'm happy with?
OP posts:
Popcornriver · 05/12/2021 14:30

YABU they might know the children like peppa pig or whatever but how do they know they're not just buying stuff they've already got? Or what if they're planning on a peppa tent or toy kitchen and you don't have room for it? Much better to say they like peppa pig and would a george pig stuffed toy.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 05/12/2021 14:30

I agree with you.
I buy presents for my children from us.
My parents live abroad (separately) so both ask me to choose something the kids will like, order it, take delivery of it, wrap it, and they’ll send me the cash.
In laws ask me to send them links for what they’d like.
My grandmother gives me £20 and tells me to choose them something, drop it off at her house so she can wrap it, then pick it back up again.
SIL asks for links and orders it to be sent to our house for me to wrap.
It is all work for me. It drives me fucking insane.

Original poster
PigeonLittle · 05/12/2021 14:31

@WulyJmpr

Completely agree. I also take issue with being sent said presents directly from the shop without being gift-wrapped. I assume to save the purchaser wrapping money and time and take up mine instead.
Oh yes absolutely!

I had one arrive in a clear bag this week. I'll wrap it and tag it shall I?

OP posts: