Page 5 | PSA to all grandparents

PigeonLittle · 2021-12-05T14:05:14+00:00

Rather than hound your children in December to ask for them to buy your grandchildren's toys or send them direct links to things for you "That way you know it's something they'll really like". How about next year make more of an effort to be involved? Talk to your grandkids, take them on days out, take them to Smiths Toys or whatever and find out yourself? I've got homework, Christmas Assemblies, Christmas parties, Christmas dinner to prep and cook, work, kids to clean, feed and clothe. I have to plan presents for my own kids, presents for you, presents for other grandparents, presents for teachers. Finding out your grandchild likes Peppa Pig or Fortnite is not exactly an interrogation skill and I'm sure you can get by with not doubling up too many presents. I'd rather have to return or donate one or two toys than do all your Christmas shopping as well as my own. If you're not sure you could try something like, I know X loves Sylvanian Families - does she have this pony set? It feels like a lot on this year.

Orchid876 · 05/12/2021 16:05

YANBU OP, I also find it annoying and just another thing to add to the mental load when people ask me what they should get my kids. But, I understand why they do it, so if I know immediately what my kids would like, I tell them. But, if I need to spend more than 30 seconds thinking of something for someone else to buy my own kids, I do think there's no reason why I need to do that mental labour for the gift giver, they are surely capable of thinking for themselves to a certain degree, even if it's just a generic gift that child of X age would like. In that case I suggest money or vouchers, as I know my kids are always happy with that (who isn't, especially when you have enough physical presents), so if the gift giver isn't happy giving cash, they can think of something themselves.

lesenfantsdelesperance · 05/12/2021 16:06

@starrynight21

I'm a grandmother. I know my GC very well indeed. I've been taking two of them to and from school for 5 years, and the other two live 1000km away but we talk every week on facetime. I asked their parents for a short list last month, I bought appropriate things and have sent them . Sorry you're busy, but that's no reason to lecture all grandparents for asking a perfectly normal question.

Utter rubbish. You didn't read the OP at all.

lesenfantsdelesperance · 05/12/2021 16:09

@Redcrayons

The world of difference between ‘I want to buy this logo set, do they already have it’ or ‘x says he’s want these football boots, what size shall I Get’ to ‘tell me what they want for Xmas’.

A minutes worth of thinking time
Loads of my time trawling through Amazon coming up with ideas in various budgets

I work full time, GPs are retired. I haven’t got the headspace for anyone else’s Christmas shopping. When they’re really little and want the entire Argos catalogue it’s easy enough to come up with a list. Try it at 12 plus when they just want one expensive thing.

Yes! This is the whole thing. It's the difference between helping the grandparents to get it right, and doing it all for them.

HighlandPony · 05/12/2021 16:09

A bit unreasonable. By using this method (take it from one that’s done it) you might find your relaxing Boxing Day spent returning five remote control cars to various shops between the town and the city because eldest child asked everyone for the same thing. We have a WhatsApp family group chat now so we can correlate who is getting what and also so we as the parents can intervene if there’s something we don’t want them to have (yes we know you’re loaded great grandad but we still don’t want our three year old to have the latest iPad Air pro, no matter how much they begged). I’m sure their intentions are sound. They’re probably asking because they don’t want to step on your toes. There’s nothing that makes you feel shitter as a parent than telling your seven year old you can’t afford a Nintendo switch and buying them a switch lite instead only to be gazumped by an uncle buying it anyway.

SunInMyEyes · 05/12/2021 16:09

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 05/12/2021 16:10

@Nonnymum

I know my grandchildren very well , we look after them, spend time with them and take them shopping but I don't want to buy them anything they already have or something their parents plan to give them. They all have their own wish lists. Their mother sent them to me. It didn't take her long.

This. The better you know the child, the more likely you are to buy a duplicate of something that the other GPs or parents are planning to get.

Orchid876 · 05/12/2021 16:13

And yes I also agree about the wrapping. Getting someone else to wrap a gift for you is lazy and presumptuous. If you insist on getting presents delivered directly from the shop, at least pay for a service (like Amazon), where they arrive wrapped. Otherwise I'm tempted to start charging for the service, or just to give the kids the presents in the delivery box. At this point in the year, when working parents really really really do have enough to do, if anyone gives me extra work, they can sod off. Unless the grandparent also happens to be at work full time AND a full time-carer (in which case they're forgiven), parents do have more to do than grandparents, so grandparents can at the very least wrap and send their own presents.

CampagVelocet · 05/12/2021 16:14

Grandparents can't do anything right on MN. Get involved and they're interfering and controlling. Have their own lives/give parents space and they're neglectful. Try and find out what the kids want and they're criticised. Don't ask and they're arrogant and uninterested. You'd be whining if they got your children something unsuitable or not to your taste OP.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2021 16:15

It could be worse, @PigeonLittle - my friend once spent ages buying her dds’ a lovely selection of Christmas presents - not spending a fortune, but spending the time to find things she knew they’d like - and about a fortnight before Christmas, her mum and aunt arrived and basically used her selection of presents as their shop.

They went through and decided which things they would take, to give to the girls, and just handed my friend a cheque. Then they left, with a lovely selection of presents, and my friend had to think of more things the girls would like, and go out and buy them!

I do understand what you are saying in your OP, about getting to know your grandchildren, and trying to choose things they’ll like, rather than giving your grandchildren’s parents extra work, but I can also see the point of view of grandparents who don’t live close enough to see their grandchildren often, and who would rather buy something they’d like rather than risk getting it wrong - it is a conundrum.

I guess it varies from family to family - none of the dses seem to mind my asking them what they would like for Christmas - but when I do have a grandchild to buy for (next Christmas, if all goes well), I will be careful not to put extra work onto my son and DIL.

Gretaburley · 05/12/2021 16:15

@PigeonLittle well all gp's are different, sorry your parents and inlaws are shit.
You need to speak up instead of complaining on here. Introduce them to amazon and send them a list.
I ask my ds what dgs wants, I also have lots to do.
And I have to do all the travelling to see them because obviously dc work.

My fil was an hgv driver when mine were little, we used to buy mil's present from him because he never finished work until midday xmas eve.

Good tidings OP.

NoSquirrels · 05/12/2021 16:15

@Redcrayons

The world of difference between ‘I want to buy this logo set, do they already have it’ or ‘x says he’s want these football boots, what size shall I Get’ to ‘tell me what they want for Xmas’.

A minutes worth of thinking time
Loads of my time trawling through Amazon coming up with ideas in various budgets

I work full time, GPs are retired. I haven’t got the headspace for anyone else’s Christmas shopping. When they’re really little and want the entire Argos catalogue it’s easy enough to come up with a list. Try it at 12 plus when they just want one expensive thing.

At 12, direct them to the child themselves, surely?

Or tell DC to contact GPs with a list.

toomuchlaundry · 05/12/2021 16:15

If grandparents aren't gamers would they know what Fortnite is about? Some children would like things that are totally unsuitable eg Grand Theft Auto, maybe they would ask GPs to get that as they know mum wouldn't get it for them, and they will use the line' all my friends have it granny'.

Surely a child is likely to tell all GPs and parents the same things that they would like, so likely to end up with duplicates

toomuchlaundry · 05/12/2021 16:16

And once children get to a certain age, money is the best present

FabriqueBelgique · 05/12/2021 16:17

A big AMEN from me!

kiki22 · 05/12/2021 16:18

MIL asks me every year so I have to find something but she also does not give me a budget so I have to guess at price which varies year to year and then buys whatever she wants anyway half the time.

I could murder her happily

Rtmhwales · 05/12/2021 16:19

I actually prefer to send the grandparents a list - actually, shock and horror they usually send me the cash and I just buy and tell them what they got the kids. I even wrap for them..

I have a million other things going on BUT I keep a running list of the boys' interests and wishes for gifts throughout the year. Then I know they're getting things they actually want from their grandparents (they're always shocked grandma is so good at knowing the exact lego they love) and I get to cut down on the useless tat I don't want in my house. Makes for less waste and everyone's happy.

My kids' grandparents know them well but they don't know necessarily which toy is the latest in thing. I hardly know as it changes so quickly. The scores of other people asking for ideas for parents or partners just goes to show you it's a hard thing for everyone to be certain of. And each family is different.

portandchocolate · 05/12/2021 16:20

This could just as easily have been a 'why don't grandparents just ask what they want, instead of buying what they they think they want'

Can't win

NigellaSeed · 05/12/2021 16:21

I wrote a list of all the things DS needs and gave the people who asked, I have them all 3 things from the list, that way they can still choose and I know there won't be duplicates

Are you saying your parent CBA to even pick something out and wrap it, they just give you the money? Where's the joy in giving?

Phineyj · 05/12/2021 16:26

It's just about being thoughtful, isn't it? Using up a lot of someone's time if there's a way of avoiding it is thoughtless, on both sides.

I think you also need to consider if by giving "experience" presents you are also creating work. We have had a bunch of these from particular inlaws over the years. You often have to travel a fair distance for the activity and sometimes it costs extra £ (photoshoots are the worst).

If I think they'll enjoy a day out with the kids I just send them some cash!

fakereview · 05/12/2021 16:31

I've got homework, Christmas Assemblies, Christmas parties, Christmas dinner to prep and cook, work, kids to clean, feed and clothe

That just sounds like normal life to me. You did choose to have kids I assume. And how much work is involved in going to a Christmas party or assembly?

Just send the GPs an email with a few ideas of things the kids would like and move on. Takes 5 minutes.

Blossomtoes · 05/12/2021 16:31

@CampagVelocet

Grandparents can't do anything right on MN. Get involved and they're interfering and controlling. Have their own lives/give parents space and they're neglectful. Try and find out what the kids want and they're criticised. Don't ask and they're arrogant and uninterested. You'd be whining if they got your children something unsuitable or not to your taste OP.

Absobloodylutely. We didn’t ask what our grandaughter wanted but were sent a link to a item in an Etsy shop anyway. The gift turned up this week - several weeks after the promised delivery date - and a more shoddy, poor quality piece of shit you’ve never seen. We’re embarrassed to hand it over. If we hadn’t been specifically asked for it we’d return it. As it is our money’s been completely wasted. It’s a total lose/lose situation.

fakereview · 05/12/2021 16:31

Oh and get the kids to do their own homework!

amsadandconfused · 05/12/2021 16:32

My darling mum always gave me money to buy the children their presents and then I would give them back to her to wrap up. I was so grateful for her generosity because when the children were younger we did not have a huge disposable income.
I definitely preferred to choose the presents because I new exactly what they wanted.
I also ask my daughter what she would like me to get my granddaughter. Yes I know exactly what she likes but I don’t want to duplicate.
You actually come across as very rude ,ungrateful and patronising towards the grandparents. If you are generally stressed …don’t take it out on them .
Maybe there is a backstory but you havnt come across very well.

Notimeforaname · 05/12/2021 16:32

We have the opposite problem.

My sister sends round lists for her children -or worse, mentions things she has already bought and then tells you to pay her.

My parents only see the grandkids when they're needed as babysitters.
She also makes one of our parents (in their 60's) crawl through the boot of her 7 seater rather than removing a child seat for a moment. Because life is so hard nowadays having children.

ironorchids · 05/12/2021 16:33

I think without lists they risk buying a present you wanted to get for the child, or they end up getting something you don't have space for or don't want the kid to have.

Maybe just send them the lists your kids themselves make, minus any gifts you'll be getting them or that you don't think are appropriate?