PSA to all grandparents

[PigeonLittle]

Rather than hound your children in December to ask for them to buy your grandchildren's toys or send them direct links to things for you "That way you know it's something they'll really like".

How about next year make more of an effort to be involved? Talk to your grandkids, take them on days out, take them to Smiths Toys or whatever and find out yourself?

I've got homework, Christmas Assemblies, Christmas parties, Christmas dinner to prep and cook, work, kids to clean, feed and clothe.

I have to plan presents for my own kids, presents for you, presents for other grandparents, presents for teachers.

Finding out your grandchild likes Peppa Pig or Fortnite is not exactly an interrogation skill and I'm sure you can get by with not doubling up too many presents.

I'd rather have to return or donate one or two toys than do all your Christmas shopping as well as my own.

If you're not sure you could try something like, I know X loves Sylvanian Families - does she have this pony set?

It feels like a lot on this year.

YADNBU!!!! I agree with this. I have enough on!!!!

And when do I get to do something I'm happy with?

When your youngest DC has a phone and can text relatives the Amazon wish list they’ve created themselves

Make a list and send it. That's not difficult to do.
Although from next year I'll be buying the gifts from my parents to my children. They are getting to an age where its just too much for them.

OMG are you me? 🤣🤣🤣. Can I add if you expect me to host every ageing relative in a 200mi radius every bloody year as well as provide lists of what every other member of the family wants the least you can do is wrap the things I've told you to buy.

Tbf my parents have always die the same thing. Or have thought about something but have asked about what I thought/if I was buying that for the dcs.

They’ve done that when they were seeing the dcs very regularly and now that they can’t (too far).

PIL have given DH some money for us to buy a present in their behalf.

I agree it’s a pain. But it’s a real double edge sword.

You do and you do all the work.
You dint and you take the risk of having the same present twice (or inappropriate but im much less concerned about that!)

I’m so glad mine are at the just give them money age.
It’s a massive PITA coming up with lists of stuff for GPs to choose from.

You need an Amazon wish list OP. Put a load of options on there, share the link and they can choose for themselves. Avoids any clashes and means they get things you know the children will like/avoids them buying crap you don’t want in your house.

Next year tell them exactly this:

I don’t have any suggestions- please choose what you think they’d like. I'd rather have to return or donate one or two toys than do all your Christmas shopping as well as my own.

My children's grandparent is 83 and can't leave the house alone. I have absolutely no problem buying gifts for kids on their behalf and feel grateful that they want to get them something despite said grandchildren being practically adults now.

My daughter has always had very set ideas about what the children should be given as presents so talking to the children and asking them really wouldn't work for her.

She and her husband like to buy certain things and she will tell everyone else what they should buy.

All that apart, your OP is extremely patronising.

As an aunt I have no clue what my niecephews want or need. I do think want to but them something they already have & then ny sister has to go through the hassle of returning it.

I do agree OP, but i think it is ten worse as it's all funnelled through you. It's exhausting. And also there are only a finite number of ideas that the kids want. You can't magic up ideas for everyone.
And as PP said, maybe the Grandparents could actually speak to the grandkids and ask themselves

It doesn't bother me. I live abroad and international post is really sketchy at the moment so it's easier for my parents to send money and I can pick up something the kids will love. I don't really get so het up about Christmas though. Just do a little bit here and there.

DD has asked for budgie, so we are definitely managing expectations on that one!

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

My children's grandparent is 83 and can't leave the house alone. I have absolutely no problem buying gifts for kids on their behalf and feel grateful that they want to get them something despite said grandchildren being practically adults now.

And in those circumstances I’d feel the same. My parents and in-laws are late 50’s. They have no mobility issues, happily wander round shops etc. It’s just easier for them if I do the thinking/ordering/wrapping for them.

I totally get you, OP - sometimes it’s easy and we have loads of ideas for the kids, and I’m glad people ask for suggestions. But sometimes it’s really hard to think of things, and I hugely appreciate it when people have great ideas of their own, or make suggestions. It really takes the pressure off. And it’s fun having ideas from others.

I'm not so bothered when it's grandparents, but DD's own shit father needs me to tell him what to buy....

YANBU. It’s all wife / mother work. It takes a village but these days the whole village is reduced to one overtired Mum.

There was a thread once where the OP sent everyone her Christmas color scheme (I think it was mint and silver) so they could wrap the presents the right color to go under her tree. Some people are really OTT about things. If you don't care, then just tell your parents/in-laws that anything is ok and pass the phone to your little one.

You sound really stressed and fed up, OP Is this one of those 'straw that breaks the camel's back' type things?

DH's parents text me every year (never their son!) without fail requesting a link to something they can order online for each DC. I dutifully respond and then every year without fail, it turns out they've ignored it and done their own thing instead. Their own thing being three bin bags full of presents that are not age appropriate and don't align with the DC's interests. Why ask?? Drives me mad.

YANBU.

My late mother progressed from asking me to choose things for her to buy and wrap, to getting me to wrap them too, to getting me to buy and wrap them and she’d send me the money, to getting me to buy and wrap them and pay for them and not sending me the money.

Some people here seem to still think women are obliged to serve their parents and in-laws as well as looking after their own children and household.

Exmil used to expect me to buy dcs presents and it was Just.One.More.Chore.

Then she’d hide in the spare bedroom xmas with her own wrapping paper wrapping presents when she could have been with dc. The more mature part of me know it means dc got better presents but sometimes I’d get upset when dc’s favourite present was from grandma!

My parents tend to come up with ideas and run them past us/me first to make sure no one else has bought it. Seems sensible, no duplication, but no additional headspace for me

I think YABU. I know my niece very well, but she lives over 3 hours away and so I only see her in person every 6 weeks or so. Other communication is done via facetime. So I don't always know what she does and doesn't have. My niece gets a main present from 3 uncles, an auntie and 2 sets of grandparents as well as her own parents. It makes sense to come up with a small list and make sure there aren't duplicates. I'm not putting all the work on my brother or sister in law at all. They have ideas, we have ideas and we just make sure that people aren't getting the same gifts. I think you sound like hard work tbh. Unless there's a major back story!

I gave my kids the smyths catalogue this year, and everything they circled went on an Amazon wishlist and distributed to grandparents after getting fed up from previous years too.

My parents ask but they always buy and wrap the presents themselves.