PSA to all grandparents

[PigeonLittle]

Rather than hound your children in December to ask for them to buy your grandchildren's toys or send them direct links to things for you "That way you know it's something they'll really like".

How about next year make more of an effort to be involved? Talk to your grandkids, take them on days out, take them to Smiths Toys or whatever and find out yourself?

I've got homework, Christmas Assemblies, Christmas parties, Christmas dinner to prep and cook, work, kids to clean, feed and clothe.

I have to plan presents for my own kids, presents for you, presents for other grandparents, presents for teachers.

Finding out your grandchild likes Peppa Pig or Fortnite is not exactly an interrogation skill and I'm sure you can get by with not doubling up too many presents.

I'd rather have to return or donate one or two toys than do all your Christmas shopping as well as my own.

If you're not sure you could try something like, I know X loves Sylvanian Families - does she have this pony set?

It feels like a lot on this year.

I went shopping together with MIL and it means that DD has some beautifully coordinated Sylvanian families now.

Yep, I hear you. My Mum hounds me from mid November for a list of ideas (must have links). Then she orders it to be sent to me for me to wrap and label.

@LittleOwl153

Yes absolutely with you. I got my daughter to make a list on Amazon this year as uts easier to share, and then translated my sons to something g similar. Sent out and said let me know if you get anything from it...

Mother rings and says I can't do amazon can you tell me what they want (She can she has an amazon fire tablet set up with an amazon account ...) so I pick a couple of things out... no not good enough wants to see the list. So I print and pass over... 3 weeks later... can I get X and Y for her. X has already been bought by my brother, Y is now out of stock... can I get my brother to buy something else, and I'll need to find Y for her... (She lives with my brother...) .. so it goes on.

My MIL gave up and sent us money in Nov, which whilst it meant I was left ordering and wrapping for her, I got things quickly as soon as lists were done. I did try ordering to her once... she sent most of it back as she didn't know what it was... that one took weeks to resolve!

This resonates so hard.

All grandparents in our family spend inordinate amounts of time online, including online shopping, but won’t choose presents from the Amazon wish lists. We have to do that for them and wrap etc. DBs are marginally better as they will use the wish lists and order things to be wrapped. It is hard work when we are already working full time and organising everything else, and it’s disingenuous to say “well they’re old, they don’t do this stuff” because they do online shopping for themselves and they all use amazon. To put it baldly, they could make the effort to do this and don’t.

I am so glad, OP, that my children are more thoughtful than you, and my grandchildren more grateful.

Or you could be grateful you still have your parents and your kids have grandparents. My DD's grandpas are long gone and both grannies are in care homes. Stop moaning and be thankful you still have them pestering you.

Yanbu and I completely agree with you!

I have my DGC a lot, I have them overnight, I take them away for days, I pick them from school, I watch their plays and I know their interests. What I don’t know is what everyone else is buying them for Christmas.

I have ideas that I run by their parents and I ask what they would like BUT I quite often say send me a link or even just buy it for me have it delivered to me I will transfer the money. It’s not much in the grand scale of what else I do.

I also send things direct to more distant GNeices and they love having a delivery with their name on and opening the parcel. They don’t give a fig that they are not wrapped up.

Oh don't. My whole family do this as do DHs. For me, DH and the children!

They know us all well. They're all local. We see them all the time. I do say 'oh just don't worry about DH and I, or pick something yourself!'

I have enough to do shopping for everyone and the children myself without doing everyone else's shopping for them.

'Send me a link' honestly it's so lazy!!

I do t think my children will have a present this year that I haven't chosen and 'sent a link' for!

I sense your stress - been there.

But if I take my granddaughter (8) out she'll ask for a watch. She'd also ask her other gps for a watch. And her aunties. That's what she really wants. Her Mum and Dad are getting her a watch.

My grandson (6) would probably ask for something not in his age range - too young or too old - or for another cuddly toy.

I see both dgc frequently, I'm an active adult in their lives, but I always want their parents' guidance on what to buy that is needed / wanted / really useful / not a duplicate.

I wouldn’t voice it but yes tbh it’s a pita at a very busy time of year. It gets more difficult as they get older too, there’s an expectation that you’ll come up with something even when the child has no idea them self!

I'm a grandmother. I know my GC very well indeed. I've been taking two of them to and from school for 5 years, and the other two live 1000km away but we talk every week on facetime. I asked their parents for a short list last month, I bought appropriate things and have sent them . Sorry you're busy, but that's no reason to lecture all grandparents for asking a perfectly normal question.

@FuzzyPuffling

I am so glad, OP, that my children are more thoughtful than you, and my grandchildren more grateful.

Oh yes, I feel this way too.

@TeenMinusTests

YABU. Some grandparents live too far away, or are still isolating.

We always ran a 'present purchasing' service for any relatives who preferred to send money. Saved getting duplicates or craft kits too complicated etc.

If you feel like this then fine, but not everyone does.

Still isolating? Do you think all grandparents are great haired old codgers shuffling around with ear trumpets lol?

@lollipoprainbow

Or you could be grateful you still have your parents and your kids have grandparents. My DD's grandpas are long gone and both grannies are in care homes. Stop moaning and be thankful you still have them pestering you.

I’m sorry for your losses but it’s not a race to the bottom. My brother died young, doesn’t mean I object to anyone moaning about their siblings.

Wow, dont think I "hound" my kids over grandkids's presents. Two of my teenage gc's live with me full time and I childmind another 1 year old. I only ask to avoid duplication. Last week I went shopping with dd2 and she picked something for her dd I would never have thought of. Job done.

I am also very busy picking up the slack at age 60 and tbh if this was said to me I would be seriously pissed off. I particularly enjoyed your third paragraph.

At least you are lucky enough to have caring family who want to buy for your children. It is a really minor irritation. Christmas is busy for everyone not just you. Just a grandparents perspective here. Slam me if you wish.

YANBU.

I feel like I do the Xmas shopping for everyone. I even have to provide ideas for my in-laws to buy my OH!

@PigeonLittle

Rather than hound your children in December to ask for them to buy your grandchildren's toys or send them direct links to things for you "That way you know it's something they'll really like".

How about next year make more of an effort to be involved? Talk to your grandkids, take them on days out, take them to Smiths Toys or whatever and find out yourself?

I've got homework, Christmas Assemblies, Christmas parties, Christmas dinner to prep and cook, work, kids to clean, feed and clothe.

I have to plan presents for my own kids, presents for you, presents for other grandparents, presents for teachers.

Finding out your grandchild likes Peppa Pig or Fortnite is not exactly an interrogation skill and I'm sure you can get by with not doubling up too many presents.

I'd rather have to return or donate one or two toys than do all your Christmas shopping as well as my own.

If you're not sure you could try something like, I know X loves Sylvanian Families - does she have this pony set?

It feels like a lot on this year.

WTAF are you on about? Deeply patronising doesn't even scratch the surface of your post.

Allycot Did you miss the word 'some' in my statement?

The OP chose to do an announcement to all GPs. I was purely pointing out that some are not in a position to do so. My DPs for example. Who yes are still pretty much isolating, have grey hair and hearing aids.

As for Smyths toys I can recall many an eye roll when I have brought a DGC home with some ‘tat’ that they have chosen.

It can be a minefield being a grandma.

So few men being mentioned in this thread. It's all mums, DILs, MILs, grandmothers etc. No wonder some mums are saying enough!

Well my Mum does this but it’s not because she doesn’t know her grandchildren well she just wants to make sure that she gets it completely right. Presents are expensive.

She even asks me to order them and have them sent to her because she doesn’t do online shopping. What a CF?! She’s only 61 too. She really needs to sort herself out. Doesn’t she know I’ve got too much to do with my full time job to help her get the perfect gifts for her cherished grandchildren?!

Actually, I really don’t mind because she’s the only grandparent my kids have left and I know she’s not doing it for any reason other than anxiety about buying the wrong thing.

I know that it’s not a race to the bottom but I really do think that accepting some little quirks in your DP/DPIL behaviour is good because you truly don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

We get round this by putting £100 in each of our GC's ISA accounts, then we buy them a little stocking each for around £20 for Christmas day. Though I do always check 1st that I'm not duplicating anything!

DD is happy knowing she doesn't have to find room for toys and clothes, and we get to know that they've got a good amount coming to them when they're 18. So it's win win.

Providing people who ask for ideas for gifts a list of suggestions is part of being a parent to young children. You can’t reasonably argue it’s not.

Agreeing to buy gifts or do all the legwork and organising involved OTOH is fine if it works for you or is practical (something bulky that would be a PITA to transport, for instance, or for someone who genuinely can’t shop for it themselves.) But if it’s not, don’t agree to it.

If you don’t want to send a specific link, buy for others and wrap for them etc you have to say so.

No, Dad/Mum/Other, I’d rather you buy it, I’ve got too much on to manage another task. If you want to have it sent here direct, that’s fine but please pay for the store to gift wrap it too as I don’t want to wrap your gifts as well.

I think YANBU to feel like this but it is a no win situation.

If you tell the GPs how you feel, you're ungrateful.

If you refuse to give ideas, you're a bad parent.

Thank you for posting it, tho. Maybe one or two GP will read and think

My children write out their own Christmas lists and I just divvy out a few of the items on the list to mum/dad/my brothers etc, takes 2 minutes for me to send a quick link to them. I often do end up going out to buy the childrens presents from my mum as she is disabled and can't get out and about herself, she also struggles with internet shopping so its usually just easier for me to sort it and I don't go making a special trip or anything I just get the money from her and go to get the presents when I'm buying ours, get it all done in one go!

My son isn't all that easy to buy for as he has ASD and very narrow interests, he never asks for much but is usually very specific about exactly what he wants. If I left my family to their own devices I worry he'd end up with a lot of the same kind of things he already has!