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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is rude

259 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:21

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 06/12/2021 18:48

Is 35 a milestone birthday now? I must be behind the times 😳

MrsLighthouse · 06/12/2021 18:49

She’s at best insensitive and at worst downright bloody rude ! As other have said, maybe just reply “the gift receipt is in the bag please feel free to swap” and leave it at that. ….l’d be buying much cheaper presents from now on - no gift receipt !

gofg · 06/12/2021 18:52

Very rude of her, and it would be the last gift she ever got from me! I also don't approve of exchanging something you have been given as a gift unless there is a very good reason. If she wants something else she can buy it herself.

Georgeskitchen · 06/12/2021 18:54

Jesus christ!! With friends like her, who needs enemies? Bin the ungrateful cow off!!

IntermittentParps · 06/12/2021 18:58

@AnnieSnap

Is 35 a milestone birthday now? I must be behind the times 😳
The OP says 'the ring was for my 30th 5 yrs ago' And that her friend just turned 30.
gersteddybears · 06/12/2021 18:58

She's an absolute cheeky cow! At first I thought well if ur close enough she shld be able to tell you etc. then I read you got a gift receipt therefore she shld not even mention it! To be looking at something at £150, she must know that u wind T spend that amount that crazy even for most folk for a friend.

I wonder if she's being even more cheeky and hoping Ul say oh it's was x but I'll make up the difference! Surely she cld look up what I bought to see the price. I honestly think she's angling for u to pay the e difference. It's not just rude it's so bloody cheeky. Does she have firm for this type of behaviour? No wonder ur appalled.

notoldjustpastyoung · 06/12/2021 19:05

I just believe that if you really don't like a present, say pretty thankyou, addd change it after a while without anything.

Myonlysunshine123 · 06/12/2021 19:14

Shes not your friend. You've got two kids and shes hinting that you should be spending £150 OR MORE on her

Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 19:15

@MrsFoxyplease

" Your gift was £70. The gift receipt is in the bag. If you're not willing to use your own money and there is nothing £70 that you like then please return bracelet to me and I will get my money back as I'm sure you can appreciate it's an expensive time of year especially with two children plus working reduced hours".
This ^
douliket · 06/12/2021 19:18

Not rude at all to ask for the receipt to change, I would much prefer her to get use out of such an expensive gift rather than it sit in a box. Jewellery is a very personal thing and I would never buy for someone else.I'm not short of money but I will also agree that is a very generous amount to spend on any friends birthday, even the milestones.
It is very rude, however, to mention the price of the other piece that she would like, highly insensitive of her to say if your bracket is more then she will change what she wants.
I would happily give her the receipt and say "oh absolutely go ahead and change as it was so expensive I wouldn't want it kept in a box as it is such a special birthday treat"

IntermittentParps · 06/12/2021 19:19

@douliket

Not rude at all to ask for the receipt to change, I would much prefer her to get use out of such an expensive gift rather than it sit in a box. Jewellery is a very personal thing and I would never buy for someone else.I'm not short of money but I will also agree that is a very generous amount to spend on any friends birthday, even the milestones. It is very rude, however, to mention the price of the other piece that she would like, highly insensitive of her to say if your bracket is more then she will change what she wants. I would happily give her the receipt and say "oh absolutely go ahead and change as it was so expensive I wouldn't want it kept in a box as it is such a special birthday treat"
She didn't need to ask though; it came with a gift receipt to avoid that sort of awkwardness!
Mum0509 · 06/12/2021 19:23

Part of it is that your friend picked it though. It's all a bit pointless if you choose something yourself instead.

SarahJeffers341 · 06/12/2021 19:31

Oh dear lord wow! How rude! Surely it can’t have been that bad?! It’s so rude and ungrateful and she actually expected you to spend £150! £70 for me would be massively generous. She’s a shit friend!!

cansu · 06/12/2021 19:31

I wouldn't make this an issue as she is a good friend and you love her! She has been tactless and probably realises it. Over the years I have one or two issues with a good friend but I take the approach that a longstanding friendship is worth a lot. It isn't worth a row or even bad feeling about something like this. I agree gifts are complex for some reason.

starfishmummy · 06/12/2021 19:39

I guess by including a gift receipt you are sort if saying "change it if you don't like it"; and imo it's probably more sensible than an expensive gift just sitting there unused. But why she couldn't just do it quietly dies seem like that she is hinting for the extra cash for her preferred ones. She's a CF and she would not be getting another present from me.

DDMAC · 06/12/2021 20:03

You sound like a good friend. Maybe she had a rethink and realised that.

My mil used to return EVERYTHING we bought her, she would use it as an excuse for us to take her out for a days shopping, every year it happened! Until I got wise to her and started giving her little food baskets with jams and gourmet cookies, problem solved 😍

irishfarmer · 06/12/2021 20:07

I would prefer someone to exchange a gift they didn't like, and wouldn't take it personally at all.

Mummadeze · 06/12/2021 20:07

I think she has been ridiculously rude. In her shoes I would have said “I absolutely love the bracelet but it is a bit big / small / chunky / slim fitting for my wrist. I hope you won’t be offended but as lovely as it is, I would like to swap it for something I will wear more. Thanks so much though”. Or something like that. Alternatively I would have just kept quiet and not really worn it.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 06/12/2021 20:11

@Restart10

It isnt a drip feed. She said they had the gift receipt.
Gift receipts do not show the price. They're just proof of purchase to allow people to exchange. You find out the price when you go into the shop. Dont blame the OP because you didnt know what a gift receipt was.

MorkandMandy · 06/12/2021 20:17

@PestoPlum has it I think. She absolutely has already checked out the value and she’s pissed off. I reckon she spent about £200 on your ring.

Personally I don’t exchange jewellery from special people as it becomes a momento of them.

tallduckandhandsome · 06/12/2021 20:18

[quote MorkandMandy]@PestoPlum has it I think. She absolutely has already checked out the value and she’s pissed off. I reckon she spent about £200 on your ring.

Personally I don’t exchange jewellery from special people as it becomes a momento of them.[/quote]
RTFT, she did not spend £200 on the ring, nowhere near that and less than what OP spent on her bracelet.

MorkandMandy · 06/12/2021 20:21

On totally missed that she spent £40! In that case, I’m totally baffled.

KerryWeaver · 06/12/2021 20:32

@irishfarmer

I would prefer someone to exchange a gift they didn't like, and wouldn't take it personally at all.
The OP's friend had the gift receipt. She could have exchanged the gift without texting a link to a 'preferred bracelet' costing £150.
Bangolads · 06/12/2021 20:44

Yes shockingly rude of her. Ignore her

Rainartist · 06/12/2021 20:44

I'd get it back saying something like "I'll see what I can do" then "forget" to do anything about it. Ungrateful madam!!