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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is rude

259 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2021 10:21

Went to a friends birthday last night and bought her a bracelet - not that it should matter but for context it cost me £70, which for me is a lot, I have 2 kids, work reduced hours and it’s Christmas time (it was a milestone bday).
Anyway today I wake up to a message asking me if she could exchange it as she’s prefer something else. I want to know if this is rude or the done thing nowadays? To me I think it is rude- I was brought up to never expect a gift but to be grateful if you get one. There’s also a gift receipt in the bag, she doesn’t actually need to tell me “hey I don’t like the gift”. Anyway she’s sent me a link for an item she prefers -£150- she says in the message “if” the bracelet was more she’ll find something else. So not only am I offended she’s now making me look cheap.
Aibu

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 05/12/2021 15:52

I didn't know.

She was rude but some of these responses are incredibly petty.

TheRigatonini · 05/12/2021 16:04

@ilovesooty

I didn't know.

She was rude but some of these responses are incredibly petty.

I agree. The OP has said that she’s a good friend generally (hence the generous gift!), so it seems most likely that the friend has inadvertently been tactless rather than just viewing this gift as some sort of money spinning opportunity. I reckon she clocked the quiet response and was mortified she might have upset OP. I can’t believe that so many people’s go-to response when navigating any situation is to just tell everyone to f* off and burn all bridges.
BruceAndNosh · 05/12/2021 16:11

@Restart10

Quite a drip feed there! If there's no amount then obviously she won't know. That is why she said if It's more than 150, that makes sense. You made her out to seem very bad op, when actually it makes sense the way she phrased her message.
It's not a drip feed. Gift receipts don't include the price. If they include the price they are just a "receipt"
BruceAndNosh · 05/12/2021 16:15

Oops.
Late to the Explain What a Gift Receipt Is party....

Beautiful3 · 05/12/2021 16:17

I would message back, "the gift receipt is in the bag. Just take it to x, to exchange."

Comedycook · 05/12/2021 17:26

I can’t believe that so many people’s go-to response when navigating any situation is to just tell everyone to f off and burn all bridges*

I agree! If someone is otherwise a good friend, I would put it down as a slightly tactless blip

Upwardtrajectory · 05/12/2021 21:49

I agree with the above. What a totally unnecessary over-reaction to an admittedly tactless message from someone the op describes as an otherwise good and thoughtful friend.

Op, is there item she linked to also a bracelet? Is it possible she meant if that one was more than yours she’d chose something else?

I’d personally much rather she changed it and had something she liked than put my £70 gift in drawer and felt guilty every time she thought of it.

lisaandalan · 05/12/2021 22:44

She is very very rude. X

Austen33 · 06/12/2021 06:38

"Oh dear, you're going to be disappointed. I spent £70 on the bracelet. I thought that was generous, but clearly you don't. Hope you can find something you like for £70"
or
"Should we just swap? I don't really like the ring you gave me but love the bracelet".

Suzanne999 · 06/12/2021 17:40

I’d tell her to return it to you, you’d be happy to take it back to the store —- then keep it for yourself or exchange it for something you’d like ( assuming the store won’t refund) if she’s that ungrateful she can go without.

Mousie38 · 06/12/2021 17:42

A small group of friends clubbed together for my birthday and bought me earrings and a necklace that were really not my taste. I had the gift receipt , was delighted to see it was for £105 and treated myself to something I really wanted....they never even knew I returned them! She is SO rude to get you involved. £70 is a lot of money to most people even if it is a special birthday.

PearlyShamps · 06/12/2021 17:44

@Haus1234 - I don’t think it’s rude to exchange for something you’d prefer but her phrasing was rude. You are a generous friend!

Exactly this

theonlygirl · 06/12/2021 17:48

And the award for cheeky fucker 2021 goes to.....unbelievable. She had a gift receipt, just quietly swap it.

ManicPixie · 06/12/2021 17:48

Very dickish behaviour from your friend. This is why I tend to buy people practical gifts rather than things which rely on taste.

FangsForTheMemory · 06/12/2021 17:51

Jeez, a very good friend bought me a bracelet for a big birthday that cost half that and to this day I feel she shouldn't have spent so much. Very rude, and £70 is more than generous.

Mandyjack · 06/12/2021 18:03

Seems rude to me, not something I would do. Does she honestly think you'd spend upwards of £150? Surely if she knows you well she knows your situation. £70 is generous for a friend IMO

cherish123 · 06/12/2021 18:13

She is VERY rude.

Message her back and say the gift receipt is in the bag.

Don't say anything else. I can't believe she is expecting you to sort it out.

IntermittentParps · 06/12/2021 18:14

Since when has a receipt not had a date/price etc on it ?
Since it was a GIFT receipt.

I think she was really rude and ungrateful. If you value the friendship then I like your idea of messaging 'no worries, gift receipt is there should you want something else' then move on.

Ddot · 06/12/2021 18:21

I bought a friend a lovely braclet (amber) she decided to inform that she didnt want jewellery, oh maybe a pair of earrings! I was devastated as couldnt return as my gift had been reduced 70% off. My partner was furious and marched me back to shops to get a cheap pair of studs. I kept the bracelet. She saw it and said how gorgeous it was. I did explain what had happened and she said she would have it for Christmas instead. I laughed in her face, still have my lovely braclet. So yes its rude very very rude

ivykaty44 · 06/12/2021 18:23

tbh

just say - look I really liked it, send it back my way and ill sort you out with another present in the January sales

Overtired201984 · 06/12/2021 18:36

Wow that’s rude ! People have literally no shame these days .

Please say the gift receipt is in the bag , deal with it yourself !

LouBan · 06/12/2021 18:42

If the gift receipt was in the bag she shouldn't have said anything to you but just gone and exchanged it.

Choux · 06/12/2021 18:43

@Ddot

I bought a friend a lovely braclet (amber) she decided to inform that she didnt want jewellery, oh maybe a pair of earrings! I was devastated as couldnt return as my gift had been reduced 70% off. My partner was furious and marched me back to shops to get a cheap pair of studs. I kept the bracelet. She saw it and said how gorgeous it was. I did explain what had happened and she said she would have it for Christmas instead. I laughed in her face, still have my lovely braclet. So yes its rude very very rude
Good grief - this 'friend' sounds so entitled and grasping! Hope the earrings you got her cost much less than the bracelet.

Enjoy your bracelet!

AnnieSnap · 06/12/2021 18:45

Horribly rude and greedy. YANBU

pollymere · 06/12/2021 18:48

I'd be saying I understand and hope that she can use the gift receipt to put the money towards a bracelet she likes. Maybe she felt she should say something rather than exchanging it and you wondering why she never wore it. You gave her a gift receipt so you obviously wanted to give her the option to change it. She is BU but I think you need to just ignore it.