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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WTF! Random man comment

291 replies

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:29

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

OP posts:
TreXX · 05/12/2021 20:06

@Notmrsfitz

I think maybe he was a bit socially inept and you’re possibly overthinking it .
There must be a massive percentage of socially inept men out there then.

I've had literally hundreds of different random men tell me to smile over a timespan of about 25-30 years.

It gets very tiring after a while.

Cherrysoup · 05/12/2021 20:08

This drives me nuts. He wouldn’t dream of saying that to a man, would he?

TaysideTeuchter · 05/12/2021 20:08

I sympathise OP - I have a resting bitch face. I've actually grown to love wearing face masks - it's been a good 18 months since anyone's told me to ''cheer up.'

Flowers
highlandcoo · 05/12/2021 20:18

So wearing. Why do these random men think we might welcome their opinion as we're going about our day?

Not in any way threatening, just tiresome, but last week I drove into a pub car park. I know the car park well, and I wasn't driving fast or dangerously but not creeping around tentatively either.

I swung round and pulled up quite smartly about 6 inches from the wall, and an elderly man nearby called over "I thought you were going to crash into that wall there!"

I said "No, my husband would be more likely to do that - I'm a really good driver." He then looked deflated. I think I was supposed to giggle and make an excuse maybe?

I'm sure it wouldn't have occurred to him to make a comment like that to a man.

Original poster
KatherineJaneway · 05/12/2021 20:20

@Atmywitsend29

I got as far as "do you ever smile". Angry What a tool.

Btw, bloody LOVE your name, Cap'n.

Thanks @Atmywitsend29

I just couldn't believe it. After the final exchange he just walked off, it was so quick my slow brain didn't have a chance to come up with a witty come back Sad

OP posts:
restingbitchface30 · 05/12/2021 20:20

What a dick head

Lunaticmess · 05/12/2021 20:30

You can content yourself with the fact that he isn’t getting laid ever again if that is his way of getting female attention. What a complete arsehole. You don’t owe anyone a smile, particularly not an insufferable, entitled stranger with no concept of personal space.

Original poster
KatherineJaneway · 05/12/2021 20:34

YANBU; it's really rude of him! Was he a bit drunk?

He seemed sober but who knows. I mean I'm 50, overweight, I scrub up reasonably well but I was hardly turning heads. No reason for him to target me. I just wish I'd thought of some biting reply to put him in his place. I had no idea how he saw me as he wasn't in one of the tables facing us.

OP posts:
ExPatHereForAChat · 05/12/2021 20:34

I've had this said to me a couple of times in my young twenties when walking down the road. I wish now I wasn't as polite as I was.
I don't get men like this. Can only imagine he's not happy in his own skin.
OP please ignore him, he wanted to make you uncomfortable.

Cimone · 05/12/2021 20:35

When men say anything to be about what I need to do with my face, I tell them I have a $1000 smile fee payable only in cash. If they aren't prepared to do that then GTFOH with trying to command me to show my teeth like a trained animal. F YOU SIR!

incywincyspidery · 05/12/2021 20:37

That seemed to happen to me all the time when I was growing up. I'd be walking along the street, and a random (always male) stranger would walk past and tell me to cheer up. Like I was supposed to be inanely grinning while walking along ON MY OWN. It hasn't happened for many years since I left home so either 1) the males in the area I grew up in were particular twats 2) men only say that to young girls and not grown women, or 3) I have indeed started inanely grinning while walking along on my own 😁

firstimemamma · 05/12/2021 20:39

I had a similar comment made to me once when I was wheeling baby ds around the block in his pram on about 3 hours of broken sleep. I was too fucking sleep deprived to smile!

Craftycorvid · 05/12/2021 20:39

‘No, I never smile at arseholes. I just tell them to fuck right off. Bye!’

mam0918 · 05/12/2021 20:47

My mother always taught me to smile because its unthreatenening and polite and I expect the same of my kids too (male and female) in general, in day to day life it costs nothing to smile and it makes the world a better place.

However the exchange you stated he is definately a twat.

If you where asking 'excuse me' to get past, making small talk with him, or even just making passing eye contact in a corridor etc... then its polite to give a little smile but if you weren't engaging him at all why would you be expected to smile at him?

For all he knows you could have been having a heart to heart with a close friend over a death or something + commenting randomly on a strangers face is a twat-y move.

TheElectricBoogaloo · 05/12/2021 20:50

Ugh! Just so tiresome. I’m the proud owner of resting bitch face and have been told to smile by random men probably 200+ times in my life. I’m now at that age where I’m one of those “invisible” women (yay!) unless I’m out for a run and of course wearing Lycra makes it open season for the Random Comment Men. I just don’t get it! Being told to “smile”, “c’mon love is that the best you can do?” or my personal fave atm “I normally run really fast but I thought I’d come and chat to you” Hmm when I’m gritting my teeth in the middle of a 10k is hardly likely to make me want to throw myself at them with desire. And they wonder why they get a stony stare and a breathless “fuck off” in retort???

bowlingalleyblues · 05/12/2021 21:01

99% of people think this man’s an idiot. It’s incredibly annoying that people like this insist on inflicting their idiocy on the rest of us.

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 05/12/2021 21:13

Next time this happens to me I'm going to ask "sorry, who are you? Why are you talking to me?"

It probably won't work but that's what I'll be thinking.

Ifbutandmaybe · 05/12/2021 21:23

I've had that too and the old one smile it might never happen , Why do they feel they need to say that , its usually when I'm thinking or concentrating but am also rubbish at thinking of something to say back just stuns me into silence, Twats

Bangolads · 05/12/2021 21:52

He’s completely out of order but entirely representative of men’s sense of entitlement to women’s looks. Even seemingly liberated me that they have some kind of right and ownership over the visual pleasure they garner from how women look. As a society women reinforce the idea by being flattered when men stare at them and using this as a means to measure our self worth. I’ve got no idea how to change it.

Momo4321 · 05/12/2021 21:53

AGREED

Flossie2 · 05/12/2021 21:55

What an absolute idiot. Please don't waste another second giving him any thought. Hope you had a good night out.

Weareallvirgins · 05/12/2021 21:59

Utter balls no hes not. Hes just a ass hole making a comment

rosedrop · 05/12/2021 22:04

Years back as I was on my way to collect my DCs from school a random man said to me - smile love it might never happen. I replied unfortunately it already has as my dad died this morning. He just kept walking the slime ball. It was true my dad had just died. Never in my life have I been told by a random woman I should smile just a creepy man.

StellaAndCrow · 05/12/2021 22:11

@SarahDippity

Whenever a random man starts to chat, I arrange my face to ‘confused-then-recognition’ and say ‘sorry, I didn’t recognise you at first, you’re (any child’s name) Alex’s grandad aren’t you?’
This could work really well - if Random Man then looks confused and says that he's not Alex's grandad, then that leads you to ask "sorry, who are you then?" - and they have to explain that you don't know them, they're just a Random Man. Cool, I might try it.
CrankyFrankie · 05/12/2021 22:21

Sounds like he might have been mental. I had a bloke shout at me at a bus stop that my feet were URGH so big... and dirty! We don’t need to dignify this level of batshittery with a response really. It’s crap how it plays on your mind though. Some random man comments do stick around :S