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AIBU?

WTF! Random man comment

291 replies

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:29

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

3488 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
1%
You are NOT being unreasonable
99%
disconnected101 · 05/12/2021 22:29

I'd have delivered a flat 'No' then looked away from him.
I used to get 'smile, it might never happen' a LOT and have perfected my resting fuck off face

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Bertiebiscuit · 05/12/2021 23:00

He didn't warrant a clever comment "fck off dckswab" is about all deserved

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Darlingx · 05/12/2021 23:28

KatherineJaneway

A very pretty delicate looking friend of mine was out on a date sat on a chair opposite her date. Guy comes over makes a comment to my friend she tells him to piss off and he punched her in the face her chair fell flat on the ground. Turned out he was a doorman to another pub had finished work my friend took it to court because she was needing dental work it wasn’t much of a result for my friend he probably got an assault charge. Personally I am glad u didn’t get the chance to tell him where to go because he was throwing stones in an inept way of getting your attention. The last thing these types need is any female attention for throwing that ‘banter’ around they need to crawl back under the rock they came out from. Ignore and don’t let them have your headspace either.

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JonSnowIsALoser · 06/12/2021 00:05

In response, use your middle finger to slowly lift the corners of your lips into a semblance of a smile.

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exaltedwombat · 06/12/2021 01:32

Sounds like a particularly inept pickup line. Yes, string him up.

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milkyaqua · 06/12/2021 02:02

All these random comments from men who just happen to be 'socially inept' magically vanish once a woman reaches a certain age and/or beyond that. How odd.

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WiseMitera69 · 06/12/2021 02:37

We've spent nearly 2 years behind masks, and so many of us have suffered from mental health issues not seeing a smiling face.
Maybe you're overreacting.

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milkyaqua · 06/12/2021 03:10

Some stranger man strides across a restaurant and accosts the OP, insisting she adjust her face for his benefit - and she is now simultaneous overreacting and also a mental health worker who should attend to his MH by smiling on demand???

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DBI78 · 06/12/2021 03:19

Awful person. I genuinely do not understand why some people behave like this. What's to achieve - making someone else unhappy/angry/insecure? It says far more about the person than you. Also my mouth turns down when I am relaxed/ normal expression it is what it is. I can't fake smile all day.

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OffRoadFozzyBear · 06/12/2021 03:41

I was in a pub restaurant with a couple of friends a few years ago. We were looking at the menu when one of these fuckwits told my friend she would be beautiful if she smiled. Quick as a flash, she declared loudly, ‘I think I’ll pass on the spotted dick’. She never even looked at him. He skulked away without another word!

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KittyWindbag · 06/12/2021 03:51

Why on Earth would you feel like the idiot? Who approaches a stranger in such an aggressive and rude manner? Someone has been reading a few too many pick-up manuals and has been practicing their negging…. Honestly men just fuck off and let us live our lives.

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KittyWindbag · 06/12/2021 03:53

Something really similar happened to me and a friend once. I played the good little compliant girl and chatted politely to this total rucking interfering stranger. My friend did not, which rubbed him the wrong way and resulted in him being verbally abusive and getting kicked out of the pub. We were then scared to leave in case he waited for us. I can’t stand this entitled behaviour. You were out with your friend, not there to entertain him.

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KatherineJaneway · 06/12/2021 07:06

@WiseMitera69

We've spent nearly 2 years behind masks, and so many of us have suffered from mental health issues not seeing a smiling face.
Maybe you're overreacting.

🤣🤣🤣
OP posts:
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Snog · 06/12/2021 07:38

This is an unwarranted and unwelcome aggressive and controlling comment.
What a nasty man.

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Snog · 06/12/2021 07:49

How about
"I'll smile when you look intelligent "

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Snog · 06/12/2021 07:52

Or maybe just "Shut up you Perv"

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Carlissa · 06/12/2021 07:53

I once told a man to "dance for me first" when he ordered me to smile.

He was a bit confused and sadly didn't oblige.

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notacooldad · 06/12/2021 07:54

I remember years ago me and my friend were in a pub sat on those high tables and hugh bar stools when a randomer told her to smile. She looked puzzled and said 'Smile? Sorry, you want me to smile? What for?' and looked confysed.
He just looked like a dick in front of his mates confused.
These days she would tell him to sling his hook!

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montysma1 · 06/12/2021 07:54

I am in tbe throws of an argument on a newspaper thread about cat calling etc being made illegal.

Petted lip man "So how are we supposed to know if we are allowed to say hello to women"

I told him it was quite simple, that he shouldnt force an interation with strange women which he wouldnt force with men.

Apparently, according to the 100% men who responded , I am an anti social psychopath and its quite normal to day hello to people. Indeed its good manners.
I told him good manners was to leave women he doent know alone, women who simply want to go about their day without "helloing" strange men.

Totally incapable of getting the point. I was all kinds of frosty bitch apparently.

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ImustLearn2Cook · 06/12/2021 08:13

@Carlissa Grin I love it! I hope I get to use that one.

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Snog · 06/12/2021 08:15

"Dance for me first" is a great one

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ImustLearn2Cook · 06/12/2021 08:19

@KatherineJaneway Wow some men are just unbelievable. I think your response was good, don’t worry about not having a witty reply straight away. Lot’s of good suggestions on this thread for it ever happens again.

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ChargingBuck · 06/12/2021 09:04

@WiseMitera69

We've spent nearly 2 years behind masks, and so many of us have suffered from mental health issues not seeing a smiling face.
Maybe you're overreacting.

& maybe OP's reaction is exactly that - HER reaction.

You don't get to scold her for it, any more than random man gets to instruct her what to do with her face.

If you have MH issues due to not sesing enough smiling faces, I suggest you talk to people you know, & be amusing or warm enough to make THEM smile.

It's not owed to you by anyone.
You seem unconcerned about the impact these constant demands have on women's MH though @WiseMitera69.
I'm guessing you're another random man.
If you are not, maybe check your internalised misogyny.
Women don't need to perform on demand for strangers.
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exiledfromcornwall · 06/12/2021 10:07

I used to get this a lot when I was a shy young woman with an inferiority complex. Oh how I wish I'd had access to something like Mumsnet in those days (pre-internet), then I would have realised it wasn't just me this was happening to. I honestly thought there must be something uniquely wrong with me.

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Maireas · 06/12/2021 10:11

@Kosmin - so because it's happened to you, and you're a man, it's not sexist?
Right. I think you need to educate yourself about male entitlement and harrassment. We're not talking about the odd insensitive remark here. It's about control and the perceived role of women.

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