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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WTF! Random man comment

291 replies

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2021 15:29

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

OP posts:
SarahDippity · 04/12/2021 23:38

I’m reminded of an incident years ago when I was a 20yo student in a flat-share. I answered the phone and an unknown man started to smarmily chat ‘well, well, who’s that with the lovely accent? Don’t you sound gorgeous?’ I went full Liam Neeson in Taken (two decades before it was made) and said ‘listen, pal, I don’t know who you are or how you got this number but don’t you EVER pull this ducking stunt on me again’ and hung up.

Phone rang a few minutes later and an elderly lady apologetically introduced herself and asked if she could speak to ‘Anna’ as Anna’s grandad had just been having a larf Blush Hmm

thickthighs73 · 04/12/2021 23:41

@bungaloid

You don't need a clever retort, just tell him to fuck off.
Exactly ! I’ve said it many a time I don’t give a shit though TBF lol
LucySullivanIsGettingMarried · 04/12/2021 23:51

I've become an angry feminist in my 40s and any random men offering smart arse comments to me get told to 'fuck off'

I was in our local park having a walk and a man commented that I had a 'stride on' and started to try to walk beside me, taking the piss out of how I was walking. He was most taken aback and put out when told to fuck off

Pyewackect · 05/12/2021 07:05

I can understand why you wouldn't want to challenge anyone having had that awful experience. I've told plenty of men to fuck the fuck off and keep fucking off and then fuck off some more with no repercussions so I suppose o see things differently.

................ I did tell him to fuck off and spent the next 12 months looking over my shoulder.

I've had a lot worse to deal with in my nusring career and there are ways of dealing with that but it was just this one guy. That's why I say , just ignore them. I wish I had.

shouldistop · 05/12/2021 07:13

@Pyewackect I agree with you, I never challenge strange men about anything now. I did when I was younger and the results were almost always unpleasant ranging from being told I'm a frigid cunt to threats to batter me.

DrManhattan · 05/12/2021 16:33

I wonder what men think a woman will respond to these comments.

"Now that you have said that I will just cheer up. Forget that I'm out with my friends, you are so hot, let's go back to your place"
Never gonna happen. Ever.

007Stocko · 05/12/2021 17:37

The only idiot in the restaurant was that knob that said that to you. It was extremely rude and judgemental of him and his approach would have caught the vast majority of us off guard. Please do not allow this to upset you or put you off from going out with your friend again.

LCHH123 · 05/12/2021 17:39

He's just a sad tosser. Take no notice.

Restzol · 05/12/2021 17:39

Good god. I’m so angry for you I’ve logged in to my account just so I can tell you this. @aspirational - that video sums it up. Mind your own bloody business random man.

CallmeBadJanet · 05/12/2021 17:42

@KatherineJaneway "Me smile? Nah mate, not when there's bellends in the world like you." Turd face.

bloodynamechangethe3rd · 05/12/2021 17:51

@KatherineJaneway

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

My new response to this type of thing is "you look like a c*nt but you can't be, you lack the depth and the warmth"
chaosmaker · 05/12/2021 17:54

@KatherineJaneway

Out in a busy, lively restaurant last night catching up with a good friend. Been there about an hour when a random man walks up to our table and says to me directly 'Do you ever smile?'

I was a bit confused in the moment as I had no idea who he was and my friend and I had been talking, so I was like 'excuse me?' I must have moved from what was clearly a resting bitch face to a smile and he was like 'Oh, you do' and he walked off. I mean, why do that?

YABU - he's making conversation
YANBU - you're right, he's an annoying twat

I'd have said 'no' and carried on with the conversation, ignoring him. But I'm like that and don't suffer other people well.
Ellen888 · 05/12/2021 18:01

@Fatarseflanagan09

One bloke asked me why I was so skinny, I asked him if he’d got as many spots on his dick as he had on his face.
Grin Grin Grin
Eleganz · 05/12/2021 18:02

He was a sexist twat.

I would have asked for the restaurant manager and said that another customer who you did not know came over to your table uninvited and made an insulting and aggressive remark about your appearance and that you do not feel comfortable while he remains on the premises. These type of men need to be removed from places like nice restaurants until they learn that their shitty behaviour is not acceptable in polite society.

RandomDent · 05/12/2021 18:11

“Siri, bring me a dickhead.”

TheRemotePart · 05/12/2021 18:11

(Little) Dick.

kiwimum18 · 05/12/2021 18:14

That's a total prick move. Don't let him get to you. I bet you just looked lovely and he couldn't help bringing you down a peg.

Years ago, I was out at the pub playing pool with my (gorgeous) sister one evening, one of the guys we were playing against said to me, quietly, off to the side "So how does it feel having a sister who looks like that when you look like you do?"

I was so gobsmacked at the time I think I just said something like, I don't know what you're trying to say, but I love my sister and I'm fine with how I look, thanks, and went back to kicking his ass at pool.

I really don't understand what men think this sort of thing is going to get them? Did he think I would report it to my sister she'd fall into his arms with delight that he would slate me to compliment her? So bloody weird.

Kikibabes · 05/12/2021 18:19

@MrsColon

What an entitled prick - what is it with men thinking they're entitled to a smile from a complete stranger? What if you'd just been discussing the death of a close friend or something else awful?

I've had this a couple of times, my response to both was a deadpan "No" before going back to what I was doing/saying. One bloke slunk off, the other, incredibly, told me I'd be much prettier if I smiled, and was told to fuck off immediately (he called me a bitch). Afterwards I wished I'd treated him to a lecture on how women don't owe complete strangers anything.

Love this!!!! 👌🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
GuidoTheKillerPimp · 05/12/2021 18:19

Oh that old chestnut
Had it many a time
Makes me want to punch them
But just let it go

NO!!! Do not let it go. It needs to be stamped on hard to stop men believing that women are there as decorative objects to please them!

PlumManor · 05/12/2021 18:19

@Chesneyhawkes1

I remember a similar thread ages ago when the lady replied "thank you for your comment random man"
I remember that thread, and yes, I banked that comment too! Never know when I might need it.
Kikibabes · 05/12/2021 18:22

@Fatarseflanagan09

One bloke asked me why I was so skinny, I asked him if he’d got as many spots on his dick as he had on his face.
Lmfao!!!!! Awwww wish I could have seen his face!!!!! Good for u! I'm not quick witted like that at all but wish I was! X
starryeyed19 · 05/12/2021 18:22

YANBU. He's a tool

RoisinXena · 05/12/2021 18:23

I get that regularly, working in busy pubs and clubs as a door woman. When i am concentrating on observing groups of people and looking for potential problems, i don't stand there with a dopy fixed grin on my face. I am always happy and personable when directly addressed, unless 'el dickhead' says 'smile, it may never happen' or some such rubbish. I just tell them that I am the current 'resting bitch face area champion'. They soon slink off.

PlumManor · 05/12/2021 18:29

@ChargingBuck

I've had people say "cheer up, it might never happen" to me, and I'm a man! I think calling a women he wasn't intimate/close with "love" makes it inappropriate, but otherwise this isn't necessarily sexist.

Thanks for popping by to mansplain sexism to the laydeez, Random Man.

😀😀😀 well said
Bunchymcbunchface · 05/12/2021 18:39

I get it all the time.
I’d have said (as I’ve done on many occasions)

Yes I will in the next 2 seconds when you leave….