To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

@FangsForTheMemory

I think we all deal with horror like this in different ways, some people need to know the details, other people need to talk about it. It's not an invasion of Arthur's privacy though. He has no need for privacy now. THAT'S the awful thing.

I would like people to be less negative in general towards social services staff who have a very very hard job to do and need to make the right decision 100% of the time.

I agree. Social services are on their knees. I know and work with social workers and they are on a highway to nowhere with their workload and all the paperwork etc ! These people really do care but their hands are literally tied with red tape …all big decisions are not actually down to social services but a judge . The system desperately needs to change ASAP. I hope the SW involved not made into scapegoat !

This is what the Moors Murders did years ago - abused children and recorded it. They were sexual sadists.
The recordings were played in court. In those days they were allowed to have an all-male jury.
The death penalty was in force when they were caught but had been abolished by the time they had been tried and convicted.
These sort of cases are a very good reason to me for bringing back the Death Penalty.
(Dons hard hat and retreats to bunker)

I've been the same OP. It's really upset me, more than I thought it would. I did the Baby P story as part of our English gcse(which is an odd subject for them to pick!) and I was sad but not like I am about this.

I really can't understand people's desire to hear details of awful crimes like this.

I dont think its a desire to hear the details more of a disbelief that it was allowed to happen. Humans are always looking for ways to understand why terrible things happen. It's more of a desire to understand how and why than to hear the details as they are obviously upsetting but to try and make sense of it you have to hear the whole story.

@PooWillyNameChange

I think YAB a bit U to listen to the recordings. I'm not sure why people do, so gory. I don't know all the details, I can't even bear to read the articles.

To be honest, I forced myself to watch the cctv and listen to the audio. I didn't want to, but I felt somehow that I should. I can't really explain it. Something about not wanting to turn my face away from what the poor child suffered. Almost out of respect for little Arthur. I don't know if that makes any sense.

@Nasturs

I really can't understand people's desire to hear details of awful crimes like this. Same with Sarah Everard. It must be something in the human psyche - would be the same set of people who would have gone to watch public hangings in the past.

I do whatever I can not to hear such details and on the whole manage pretty well, its not that hard.

Sometimes people with unresolved trauma symptoms can have coping mechanisms which may seem very strange. I can't possibly sum them up in one comment, but this is absolutely a known phenomenon.

(Trigger warning for self harm)

For me, I know I used to behave in a deeply self harmful way with some 'true crime' content - deliberately consuming it in ways that made me suffer. This was during a time in my life when I was engaging in 'typical' self harm too (self injury), and had a restrictive eating disorder. I had not yet been diagnosed with PTSD at that time, but in retrospect, those things were all linked.

I'm not at all trying to suggest everyone who follows a true crime show or reads a nasty news item is traumatised. But certainly among the many motives driving people, trauma is one that should be better-known.

But I agree you shouldn't have listened to the recordings, I haven't read the articles properly, haven't listened to the recordings, just outlines of everything, because as terribly sad as it is I can't put myself through it, I've cried a few times about it in the last few days already, I have had to take control of my own mental health and not delve any deeper.

@royco

In fact, I disagree with those recordings being in the public domain.

Can someone explain why they are? Surely Arthur's privacy should be respected?

It's like a gore-fest to some.

I agree.

They should only have been played as part of the court case.

@Innocenta

It's not ghoulish, OP. You're having a trauma response - I don't mean your shock and compassion is any less genuine, but that's why your reaction is so physical and terrible for you.

You will get through this. It won't always feel so unbearably sad and sickening. You relate on a deep level to the hurt, unhurt, unhelped child - I'm so sorry that you do, and I'm so sorry those recordings exist for you and other survivors to hear.

No one should ever suffer childhood abuse.

Apologies for the typo in this. 'unhurt' should read 'unheard'. Autocorrect in one of the worst possible places.

@Onthedowns

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

I feel the same. Heartbreaking. I can't understand how such evil can happen - and why he was so badly let down by Childrens/Social Services. I'm sure that there are other children out there who need support too. I really hope that lessons are learned after what happened to this poor little boy, but sadly my hopes aren't high. Bless him. x

@Mufusa1118 I agree. I can’t put my finger on why or how, but something has gone very badly wrong with society in the UK over the last 10-15 years.

@royco, I agree with you, I think it's so unnecessary. That poor little boy. I didn't listen to the videos and think its a bit weird that some want to hear it.

Just the reports are enough to distress. I'm furious. It's the kind of case that makes you understand lynch mobs.

Disgusting treatment of anyone, let alone a small child.

It IS upsetting, we wouldn't be human if we didn't feel for this terrified child...and feel revulsion at the abusers.

Sadly, there WILL be other Arthurs and Baby P and Victoria Climbie... Social workers can't be everywhere...their abuse will be happening NOW, vile as it is to consider.

The best thing we can all do... Is keep our eyes open for future Arthurs, if you have concerns... report, report, report... It is NOT up to members of public to investigate.

It's the only way it can be stopped.

I haven't watched the videos. Just reading about it is bad enough. Now they just need to stop fighting over his body and let him finally be laid to rest. It's a final insult to this poor little boy that his body has been sat in a cold morgue for 16 months due to his squabbling parents. It's time to just let him be. I was wondering if he could be made a ward of the court to stop the arguing and let him finally be buried.

@royco

In fact, I disagree with those recordings being in the public domain.

Can someone explain why they are? Surely Arthur's privacy should be respected?

It's like a gore-fest to some.

You are spot on. Nobody needs to hear or see this and that poor little mite deserves the respect and consideration that he was not shown in his life.

I’ve not watched any videos of recordings on the news pages, I couldn’t bear it. But then I was watching the bbc news at 1:00 and it played the recording of him, and it made me cry. It is such a tragic case. Saying that, I don’t think being physically sick and endlessly crying is a ‘normal’ reaction. I guess this has impacted you greatly due to your own past.

Heard the news and cried myself to sleep last night. Could barely speak to tell husband why I was like that. He understood though.
It's a normal reaction, you are not alone.

I don't think its an overreaction at all and it's not irrational. I think it's normal. When something that brutal and terrible happens to such a young child, it's natural to feel deep shock even though none of us will have met him. It's an empathic reaction.
Wanting to know more and reading up on it is normal too. It's your mind trying to make sense of it.
If most people just heard about something that brutal and weren't upset by it, the world would be a much worse place.

I'm 50 and sadly have heard of too many awful cases like this one over the years. They are all upsetting but some can strike a particular chord for some reason. I'm particularly haunted by the James Bulgar case and Amber Peat's death also really got to me, even though they are just two out of many children who deserved better.

Why are people watching & listening to this if they know it is likely to upset them? It’s prurient grief voyeurism and it’s sick.

If I was you, I would be elated to go back to the country you grew up in and came from, it sounds divine.

Sending you a virtual hug op. Xxxx

I am the other way.

I think the public do need to see and hear about the trauma this poor child suffered. We cannot as a society bury our heads in the sand. We need to demand better. Vote better.
We cannot pretend this doesn't happen.
We need better training, more public awareness better support and funding for those who work in the child industry.

I think it’s normal to feel like you do.

It’s horrific beyond words. Every time I see her smug, evil face, I wish violence on her.

I saw a lovely comment that someone wrote somewhere. It simply said “Arthur, you ARE loved”