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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

741 replies

Onthedowns · 03/12/2021 16:37

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

OP posts:
Swirlywoo · 03/12/2021 17:49

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time OP. I have been very affected by similar cases in the past. I have no issues or triggers; it's a terrible, tragic thing. I have avoided coverage of this precisely because I do care. I have got the gist though, and I will write to my MP to ask how the government plans to safeguard other children who may have 'slipped through the net' since lockdown. Unfortunately that's all I feel able to proactively do here.

catgirl1976 · 03/12/2021 17:50

I’ve only looked at the headlines and I’m broken by it. I can’t read any of the details. Even from the headlines I spent and evening sobbing and unable to sleep and if it pops into my head I feel immense distress.

I think you wouldn’t be normal if this didn’t distress you OP. It’s unspeakable and unbearable.

tiktokniknok · 03/12/2021 17:51

I cannot understand so many PP are attacking OP over this I really cannot! It's quite vile

maddening · 03/12/2021 17:51

They played the recordings on the BBC news, had to stop and then fast forward through, could not listen as it is too heartbreaking.

abcdeg · 03/12/2021 17:52

To those having a go at the op (give yourselves a pat on the back) let's also remember this witch even in death, tried to assassinate this boy's character.

She implied Arthur was some feral child who managed to - somehow - cause his own death. On top of the abuse itself this is awful, to try and tarnish him and slink out of any kind of responsibility.

Child abuse and homicide is disturbing and sickening especially so even you have kids of a similar age. Leave op alone.

royco · 03/12/2021 17:52

To be honest, I forced myself to watch the cctv and listen to the audio. I didn't want to, but I felt somehow that I should. I can't really explain it. Something about not wanting to turn my face away from what the poor child suffered. Almost out of respect for little Arthur. I don't know if that makes any sense.

No! Doesn't make sense.

moita · 03/12/2021 17:53

I realise this is a silly thing to say but she is in prison about a mile away from my office. I felt a bit sick at that thought.

santabetterwashhishands · 03/12/2021 17:53

I was so upset when the tv was full of pictures of baby p.
I just couldn't get the images out of my head so I've stayed away from reading or viewing anything about poor little Arthur 🥲

SoSoTiredToday · 03/12/2021 17:54

I also cries a bit when I read the story :( Sad

JohnStonesMissus · 03/12/2021 17:54

@Mufasa1118

I would also suggest that we need to look at English society as a whole.

I was born in England and then I moved as a child to another country.

As an adult I have just moved back to England. I am shocked at how cold and cruel people are here in England.

I just visited some English relatives. My uncle told me I was ugly and he told his dog to bite me. Other people I have talked to in England have also been cruel.
If you ask people all over the world, they will often call English people cold and cruel. So it is something we need to look at!

Why is it. There are big society failings in England. I think as a society we are taught to be cold and to not show any emotion

Excuse me? You're talking rubbish, why are you tarring a whole country as cold and cruel just because of your experience? Your Uncle is a cruel dick but believe me there are cruel dicks the world over not just England. Do you not think for one second that if the English people are so heartless and cruel this thread wouldn't exist?
tiktokniknok · 03/12/2021 17:55

'Threads like this are all the same it's competitive grieving and it's sick

Oh be quiet. There’s always one who comes out with this tripe.

People in RL are talking about it, it’s on the radio, on tv shows I would presume, it’s knocked the whole country sick and people are just expressing their sadness for Arthur.

Better than not giving a shit.'

THIS 👆🏻

TheCatWearsPrada · 03/12/2021 17:55

@NoSauce Tripe? People being upset is normal but coming on to a public forum to share their crying and shaking is sick.
Donating to children's charities and reporting to social services when things don't seem right helps but coming on mumsnet to let the world know how much they personally have been affected by the death of a young boy they didn't know is twisted

Innocenta · 03/12/2021 17:56

@moita

I realise this is a silly thing to say but she is in prison about a mile away from my office. I felt a bit sick at that thought.
It isn't silly to feel this way, thinking things like this are very normal. Please just try and let yourself feel however you feel Thanks
SandysMam · 03/12/2021 17:56

I am torn about the recordings. I think in one way it is important to shock people so that awareness is raised and nothing like this can be allowed to happen again. I think the recordings will have helped to do that more than just reporting and if it means the next hairdresser or teacher or who witnesses this kind of thing is more confident in reporting, then that is a good thing. --I also hope that the fellow cell mates of these two are aware of them and feel the way we do about it…

On the other hand I feel so desperately sad that Arthur’s impact and image on the world is at his most vulnerable and not in more joyous moments for which I’m sure defined him more. YANBU for being sad about this though op, it is absolutely heartbreaking.

KTheGrey · 03/12/2021 17:56

It's hideously upsetting, so I am not surprised it's hit you. Sometimes things do.

As far as doing better - I don't know how much social services can do unless there are 60-120 foster or adoptive carers available every year to take in those children whose parents or step parents kill them. That said, the police and health services need to be more involved as well - children are victims of crime for a long time before they are murdered, and a disproportionate number of people who murder children in their care have mental health problems (nearly 40%) and/or a history of domestic violence (around 80%). Drug abuse can also be a flag. So many of the likely perps should be known to the police as risks to child safety.

tallduckandhandsome · 03/12/2021 17:56

Threads like this are all the same it's competitive grieving and it's sick.

I feel like that too. It's like a competition here on who has cried the most and who has been the most 'physically sick'.

I really doubt anyone has been physically sick.

And in the other thread it was a competition on who could hurt ET the most if they were in prison. As if it makes any difference to poor Arthur, he's gone and it won't bring him back.

littleburn · 03/12/2021 17:57

YANBU. It's affected me more than any other case I can remember. I'm not an overly emotional person and can usually switch off from things, but I can't switch off from this.

AndreaC67 · 03/12/2021 18:00

Its a normal reaction i suppose but i'm more angry than upset, it is a disgrace this keeps happening.

Arthur will soon be forgotten and we will all get upset about another poor child that is tortured to death by a parent and or step parent

People need to start realising their vote actually matters on how much is spent on social services and child welfare, as a country we have cut both over the last 10 years.

abcdeg · 03/12/2021 18:00

[quote TheCatWearsPrada]@NoSauce Tripe? People being upset is normal but coming on to a public forum to share their crying and shaking is sick.
Donating to children's charities and reporting to social services when things don't seem right helps but coming on mumsnet to let the world know how much they personally have been affected by the death of a young boy they didn't know is twisted[/quote]
If sharing your sorrow is sick, ever are Tustin and Hughes? Seriously what is your problem? Other people are upset you're acting like you don't know why.

If you didn't cry or feel a bit sick you probably haven't read about this case.

Innocenta · 03/12/2021 18:01

@tallduckandhandsome

Threads like this are all the same it's competitive grieving and it's sick.

I feel like that too. It's like a competition here on who has cried the most and who has been the most 'physically sick'.

I really doubt anyone has been physically sick.

And in the other thread it was a competition on who could hurt ET the most if they were in prison. As if it makes any difference to poor Arthur, he's gone and it won't bring him back.

Please don't imply OP is lying. It isn't a stretch to think someone might vomit in reaction to a trauma trigger. This happens more often than people are commonly aware of.

I highly recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score to those who have been through painful experiences, or are just interested in learning more. Warning, however, that some black and Asian readers have found its military content distressing, and it contains graphic descriptions of trauma, and of trauma responses. However: many have found it a transformative and uplifting read (I have no affiliation).

It's not wrong to feel very distressed. It's also not wrong if you feel less, or even nothing. Emotions are strange business and affected by many, many things - we rarely fully understand even our own.

CPL593H · 03/12/2021 18:01

There is good reason why the Moors murders tapes are not widely available publicly and I feel uncomfortable that these visual images of the suffering of poor little Arthur are. The only possible good that could come from it is for people to realise in a very direct way that dreadful things happen, that we are all responsible for child protection and to report, report and report again. Every time, all of us.

ComDummings · 03/12/2021 18:01

It’s made me so angry, several people reported their concerns and the police and social services did nothing

NeedsCharging · 03/12/2021 18:01

but coming on mumsnet to let the world know how much they personally have been affected by the death of a young boy they didn't know is twisted

It's called communicating TheCat
People naturally want to be assured that others are upset/traumatised and angry about ehat happened to Arthur.
Before the Internet things like this we're discussed in families, at the shop, school gates or the pub. MN is just a different way of discussing things.

royco · 03/12/2021 18:02

If you didn't cry or feel a bit sick you probably haven't read about this case.

This is silly.

tallduckandhandsome · 03/12/2021 18:03

@Innocenta I'm not saying anyone is lying, but I've seen so many posts from people saying they feel physically sick and I highly doubt that they all are. For the most part it's hyperbole and hints that they must feel stronger than other people.