Page 4 | To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

thepeopleversuswork · 03/12/2021 17:15

I don't know....

There are no "normal" reactions to a horrific situation like this. Plenty of people have become very emotional over this story. I was horrified when I read it.

But, and this may sound harsh, I do think there's a slightly mawkish tendency that people have to really go overboard in their reaction to stories about child cruelty. I saw quite a lot of it on the thread earlier.

Totally appropriate to feel horrified, upset, angry etc. Totally legitimate to feel vitriol at the people who did this and to question how it was allowed to happen.

But IMO there's something a bit performative about people's responses. "I was so upset I cried all night" and "I was nauseous" etc are a little bit self-indulgent and honestly I think such a severe reaction is probably more about you than it is about the child.

FabriqueBelgique · 03/12/2021 17:15

@luinagreine

Personally I think it is rather ghoulish of you to sit and listen to recordings of the poor boy, what made you want to do that? I haven't listened to them so can't comment on whether or not the reaction is normal for someone who has chosen to sit down and listen to child abuse.

This was my reaction- why would you do that to yourself?!

But it’s sick that it’s being used by the Media for clicks. If they’re literally passing it around as news, of course a lot of people won’t think twice about pressing play.

flashy44 · 03/12/2021 17:15

@Onthedowns

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

I too have cried over this case,iwatched the news last night before i turned the tv off and i cried and cried over that poor child.The image of his bruises and saying no one will feed me just kept playing through my head all night,ihad a sleepless night and feel very depressed today.I just dont understand how you could treat any child like that,i hope they lock the bitch up and throw away the key.

NoSauce · 03/12/2021 17:15

Threads like this are all the same it's competitive grieving and it's sick

Oh be quiet. There’s always one who comes out with this tripe.

People in RL are talking about it, it’s on the radio, on tv shows I would presume, it’s knocked the whole country sick and people are just expressing their sadness for Arthur.

Better than not giving a shit.

Mufasa1118 · 03/12/2021 17:16

It's awful and wrong on every level and I have felt so sad for him.

This is just my own opinion - dont flame me. I also have sympathy for her. She probably had an awful life, had a cruel life, had her kids taken off her and She was mentally ill.
Prison is the right place for her

EberhardtSmallcock · 03/12/2021 17:16

@royco

In fact, I disagree with those recordings being in the public domain.

Can someone explain why they are? Surely Arthur's privacy should be respected?

It's like a gore-fest to some.

Agree with this, and with all the others who posted similar.

YokoOnosHat · 03/12/2021 17:16

Those recordings shouldn’t be in the public domain and I think it’s entirely unethical that they are. One of my parents was badly physically and mentally abused by their parents in childhood and ended up in a children's home where they were further abused. They’ve suffered lifelong repercussions from that. The idea that any of what they went through being available for anyone to listen to is just terrible. The child suffered indignity enough without us all ghoulishly raking over what remains of his suffering. The court heard it and fair enough but we shouldn’t be able to.

Notdoingthis · 03/12/2021 17:17

Are you being physically sick? Is that the Covid? Yes, feeling sickened and upset is absolutely normal. Abnormal not to.

x2boys · 03/12/2021 17:18

@Mufasa1118

I would also suggest that we need to look at English society as a whole.

I was born in England and then I moved as a child to another country.

As an adult I have just moved back to England. I am shocked at how cold and cruel people are here in England.

I just visited some English relatives. My uncle told me I was ugly and he told his dog to bite me. Other people I have talked to in England have also been cruel.
If you ask people all over the world, they will often call English people cold and cruel. So it is something we need to look at!

Why is it. There are big society failings in England. I think as a society we are taught to be cold and to not show any emotion

There are people all over the world that are cruel and neglect ful parents ,your uncle sounds like an arse ,but it's ridiculous to tar the whole population of England with the same brush .

Herecomesthesun70 · 03/12/2021 17:18

I could only read half a story in the news a couple of weeks back before I got too upset. I can't read it at all now other than the headlines because it's too heartbreaking
I'm pulling an I got face just thinking about that poor baby.

doorornottodoor · 03/12/2021 17:19

I just wanted to say I felt exactly this way about 14 years ago about Baby P - Peter Connolly. I was so upset I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I think because I had boys the same age.

What I did that helped was to help a local charity for children. That made me feel I was doing something to help. Maybe you could do something similar? It makes you feel less helpless…

Teacupsandtoast · 03/12/2021 17:19

Be angry. I have cried over this case but now I'm just angry. Angry at that thing that did this to him, her disgusting bare faced lies to the police on arrest, at how calm she was when she knew she had killed him. At the support services designed to protect him that left him in her hands. Who ignored desperate pleas of relatives. Be angry - another child cannot die because people are allowed to be complete fuck ups

NeedsCharging · 03/12/2021 17:19

I think the professionals involved should be forced to watch the videos and listen to the text messages.
I think that poor Arthur's short traumatic and abusive life should be used when training new professionals who work in this area to ensure they will not let it happen again.

We were told lessons were learned after baby P but learnt that was just lip service.
Given this poor boys short history of an alcoholic murdering mother SS should have been on this boys life weekly!

FangsForTheMemory · 03/12/2021 17:20

I think we all deal with horror like this in different ways, some people need to know the details, other people need to talk about it. It's not an invasion of Arthur's privacy though. He has no need for privacy now. THAT'S the awful thing.

I would like people to be less negative in general towards social services staff who have a very very hard job to do and need to make the right decision 100% of the time.

OhGloriousDay · 03/12/2021 17:20

I haven’t listened to the recordings but I’ve read some of the coverage and find myself unusually distressed by this OP. Every time I see something about him I start to cry.

I don’t know why, it’s certainly not for attention, there’s just something about it that’s really got to me.

MLMshouldbeillegal · 03/12/2021 17:21

Sorry its on the BBC news page and it's been played on the radio I haven't sought out anything

I've watched the BBC news at 1pm and will probably catch it again tonight. I have no desire to hear/see this so will switch it off.

You are aware you don't have to watch, aren't you?

CaMePlaitPas · 03/12/2021 17:22

I was horrified when I saw that The Daily Fail showed that poor little boy's video on autoloop on their HOME PAGE a few weeks ago, with captions - you had no choice but to watch it.

It's awful and I've tried to avoid reading too much about it because it is so traumatic, but unfortunately as a society if we fail to acknowledge that children are being abused and killed and the social system is failing them because of this obsession with blood relatives and wanting to keep families together - then we actively fail to learn lessons from the past and we fail to protect those children who are at risk of being the next case.

This poor little boy didn't stand a chance. RIP.

amsadandconfused · 03/12/2021 17:24

I havnt listened to the recordings…it would be too unbearable and I have turned the tv volume down when it has been on the news! I cannot begin to imagine how horrific that poor darling little boys life was …hope the two creatures get their punishment in prison and never experience any fun or feel safe ever again! Absolutely bloody shocking.

Nasturs · 03/12/2021 17:25

I really can't understand people's desire to hear details of awful crimes like this. Same with Sarah Everard. It must be something in the human psyche - would be the same set of people who would have gone to watch public hangings in the past.

I do whatever I can not to hear such details and on the whole manage pretty well, its not that hard.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 03/12/2021 17:26

I'm the same ,this case has broken my heart

planteen · 03/12/2021 17:27

@luinagreine

If it seeks more awareness and less ignorance and one child is saved that's enough to for me. Some people like to say there there and ignore what is actually going on. It's fair easier to ignore what you don't see

And what exactly has you spending your day crying and throwing up then posting on mumsnet to tell everyone that you were crying and throwing up achieved?

I don't think anyone has said they have ignored it have they? They just haven't chosen to listen to recordings of child abuse.

You're coming across more outraged about op than the case itself. There's no competitive outrage- some are more emotive than others

That's fine if you personally weren't affected that much, others find it disturbing to the point of nausea.

No such thing as competitive grief or outrage, a child has been killed, it is outrageous

5keletor · 03/12/2021 17:28

As others have said, YANBU, it's normal. 😔 I can't stop thinking about how he never had any respite from the abuse right until the end, and even then she rushed to get her phone to take a photo as he was laid on the floor.
I never usually say things like this, but I really hope they get what's coming to them in jail, I was reading about how Tustin's defence was saying she's scared and at risk of attack in jail, and all I could think was "good, I'm glad". Nothing could make up for what they did, though.

Innocenta · 03/12/2021 17:29

It's not ghoulish, OP. You're having a trauma response - I don't mean your shock and compassion is any less genuine, but that's why your reaction is so physical and terrible for you.

You will get through this. It won't always feel so unbearably sad and sickening. You relate on a deep level to the hurt, unhurt, unhelped child - I'm so sorry that you do, and I'm so sorry those recordings exist for you and other survivors to hear.

No one should ever suffer childhood abuse.

planteen · 03/12/2021 17:29

Those commenting about the video being published have a point. I'm not sure where I stand- does it raise awareness or does it attract the very small percentage of ghoulish psychos who take glee?

I don't know. Nobody should be profiting off such publications, in my opinion. This isn't just coverage describing events it's an actual video of this boy suffering

Rjw84 · 03/12/2021 17:29

I think it’s completely normal and I’ve been the same.

But this thread has also been useful in giving me a kick to make a donation to NSPCC.